My son is moving to another state, and I'm hurting.?

Question

My 22-year-old son called me this morning and casually mentioned that he & his girlfriend have been looking at property listings in a state 2000 miles from where we are now. I want what's best for him. However, I can't help but feel lost without him. We've always been very close. When I left his father, his father moved to this state & remarried. My son is going there because the grass appears to be so much greener there. I wouldn't dream of doing anything to stop him, but I need to hear from other moms who've experienced a similar situation with some words of how to cope. Thanks

Answer 1

I think what you are doing is great, just accepting the fact that he is leaving and not trying to stop is is great thing, sometimes its better to just accept things if people really want it that way, by all means just let him know that you will miss him, but don't mke him feel bad, people need to learn their own way and live their own life, in this case it is very difficult for both of you whether you see it bothers him or not, because his father left to another state he probably feels that he might be abandoning you, and if you were to give him a hard time about this, he could feel worse, nd you could end up losing him in alot more ways than distance, what I suggest is just put it out of your mind, and find things to do, hey you dont hve anymore kids to raise, I'm guessing you're single? go out and find new man in your life? you cant be the only woman in his life, he's growing up and soon maybe there will be grandchildren, theres not even guarantee that he's moving though, they are just looking, but everyone needs their space so just give that to him, he will still come around you are his mother, it's called unconditional love.I really hope you start feeling better soon.

Answer 2

You are more hurt because he has decided to move closer to his "father". Let him go, there is a time for parents to let their young ones out of the nest and learn life's experiences on their own. Keep the door open, so if this new adventure fails, he can still come home. Keep the communication lines open 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week. Tell him he is always welcome to come back HOME any time. Let him know the love you have for him, how you want him to succeed in life and wish him well. Let him go and let him do what he thinks is best for him and his girlfriend. Maybe upon arriving he will know that it was not a good decision. But, on the other hand this might be the best decision the kid has made. :o)

Answer 3

I know this is hard for you. I'm not a mom yet, but I've experinced this with my mom. I recently moved from Pittsburgh, PA to New York City. I have always been so close with my mom and it was really hard to leave. She was devastated and cried for days when I told her. The first few months were rough...I missed going shopping, out to breakfast and all of those fun things.

Now that it has been almost a year we have maintained a great relationship. We talk on the phone just about every single day and e-mail back and forth about plans for my wedding. Once a month we rotate between me flying home and her coming up. It really has worked out great. Hang in there...It will get easier!

Answer 4

Ulg, my kids aren't that old yet, but my brother is 21 (in the military) and he just left for Iran in October. It's heartbreaking to have him so far away. We missed him through all the holidays, my daughter was born 2 weeks after he left...it's just such an empty feeling having someone you love far away. Having said that...I feel your pain. However, you will be able to call as often as you like, to visit as much as your bank account lets you, (haha, plane tickets aren't cheap). Let your son know you love him and that you'll miss him, but letting him go will be the best way to "keep him close" because really, probably, no matter what you say or do to him, he's going to go anyway. Making him feel guilty about it will only strain your relationship with him. I don't know your son, but I'm 23 and I just moved about a half hour from my mom and I miss her like crazy. We talk everyday! I would almost be willing to bet that, with time, your son will move again...closer to his mom!

Answer 5

My 18 year old son moved to Florida (10 states away) with his girlfriend and baby the end of December. He and I are EXTREMLY close and I thought moving was a bad idea (they live with her mother) My son calls me EVERYDAY complaining that he hates it and soon as he has enough money saved he is coming home. (I KNEW he would feel that way) Because he is soo close to his brothers and friends I knew it wouldnt last. Although I knew my boy was going to come back I was prepared for the possibility that he would like it and not come back. The bottom line is you have to let him grow and spread his wings. You can still be close to him and maintain your relationship (more vocal than physical) BUT he is still your son and the relationship will remain solid. I also told myself that I was going to accept the situation and not treat it like my son was dead...he was just in a different state. Plan on visits both ways and support his decision. You will be fine.

Answer 6

My son was 13 when he went to live with his father. I had raised him by myself since he was three. The pain is undescribable, but it does get easier. That was two years ago and I have had to come to terms with the fact that he may permanently want to stay. I have dealt with his absence by talking to him frequently and reminding myself that he will be fine, afterall, I raised him to be independent. Keep telling yourself these things and don't take it too personal. Let him try this new venture, don't try anything to persuade him otherwise, because it may cause resentment later on down the road. Another point I want you to remember is that he may be leaving, but at least he is alive. When I really get down, I try to remind myself that he may be several states away and at least I can call him whenever I need to hear his voice, but things could be worse and I could be one of those parents that never hear his voice again. There is always a different way of looking at things and that helps me to be grateful even when I can't see him. Good luck and you are in my prayers!

Answer 7

It is always hard to let our children go. I was so sad when my son moved out of state but we stayed in touch by phone and the good news is... after a couple of years he moved back. Just stay busy and remember he has to find his own way. Talk to him on the phone and try to visit him in a few months.

Answer 8

My only daughter and her husband moved away shortly after they were married. He was in the military so over the course of 6 years they moved 3 times. My husband and I were devastated but we never told her not to go, or please stay. We tried to make it a positive experience by enjoying our time and we got to travel and visit places we otherwise probably would never have gone. I guess as the old saying goes "you have to give them wings and then let them fly". My best to you!

Answer 9

Sorry Mum, it's time to cut the apron strings. I know, I've been there myself. It's time to have faith in your upbringing, and hope you've taught him well. They all think the grass is greener - and he needs to find out for himself that it's not. Get a hobby, and keep yourself busy.

Answer 10

Let him go, love him from afar, dont let him know tht you hurt or he will worry, and he knows where the grass is greenest. ( where his mama is) Children donot forget who has done for them/