3 months ago I asked my fiancee for time apart. things were moving fast, marriage was coming, and I thought I needed to think alone. She was very upset, but I insisted and didnt see her for a month. I realized how much I loved and I asked her to take me back. At first she was still angry at me and she was dating someone else. She kept dating him, but I kept asking her back for about 1 week. She eventually forgave me and we are engagd again. Recently I found out that she had sex with the other guy the night before she took me back. She says she wanted to experience him, but that she wanted to teach me a lesson and test my love. She also wanted to thank the guy for being sweet. She told him she would go back to me, so that night she admits they did it almost all night, three times. We have talked a lot, about how she was hurt, and I have expressed its ok to tell how she enjoyed the sex. we are back in love and my heart knows that, but I cannot stop my head from being jealous. advice?
2007-01-04 02:13:14 · 24 answers · asked by downtokissit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You LOVE her,
and being jealous is a part of love.
so don't worry and go on with being in love.
2007-01-04 02:35:01 · answer #1 · answered by tmprrlyTrysta 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Sometimes you have to listen to logic first and your heart second. Your heart will try to trick you. She was obviously not that broken up about being separated from you if she slept with someone else. The only reason she told you was to make you jealous and she must not really care about your feelings. I am assuming that you are both young considering the description of your situation. If not, you guys should still wait because neither of you are mature enough to handle marriage. It hardly costs anything to get married.. a marriage license and the gas it takes to get to the courthouse! It is much harder and more expensive to get a divorce! Don't do it if you are not sure. If you do get married you have to remember that relationships take work and you can't just take a break when ever things get a little rough!
2007-01-04 02:59:48 · answer #2 · answered by Holy Macaroni! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your head and run very far away from her. Time to break the engagement, and not because you think you are jealous. A mature woman would not have done this, even if you were apart. A mature woman who really loved you could not have turned off her true feelings in that period of time and have gotten with another guy so quickly. Ask for the ring back, and make sure you go to the doctor soon to get tested for HIV/AIDS and various STDs. Don't worry one little bit about "breaking her heart". You deserve better, and don't feel guilty.
2007-01-04 12:48:48 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough call; something you need to think on VERY carefully.
If you are "jealous" just for jealousy's sake, it is normal to feel a little insecure. Something that you need to come to grips with. Sometimes it's possible, sometimes it isn't.
What I'm more concerned with is the way she decided to "teach you a lesson". I understand her hurt & anger, but she made a very bad decision. How will she deal with the hurt & anger after you are married? And trust me, there WILL be hurt & anger. It's inevitable. If you think not, then you (& many others) are in for a VERY rough ride.
And what has been her reasoning telling you just how much she enjoyed this other partner?
Personally, I'd give this relationship more time & some careful & prayerful consideration.
2007-01-04 03:28:56 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might be wrong but just listen.
Most of the girls around me, want to get MARRIED, they want to have kids and a family. It is like all the girls want to look like a celebrity want to be pretty like a celebrity.
There is an age where most of my friends are , and they are desperate to get married to just say we are as normal as everyone else.
BUT THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
they are getting married for the wrong reason. It is not because they are in love. They just like the idea of marriage.
Same thing with relationships. Some people don't like to be single, so for the sake of relationship they just pick people just to be in a relationship which is wrong.
You were very honest about your feeling and asked her to wait a bit. Why would she all of a sudden feel insecure like that and instead of trying to prove to you that you are making the right descion and go behind your back and not only go for a rebound kind of thing but have sex!!!
DONT YOU SEE!!!
your loved one just put a BIG scar on you that you will never ever forget! ... that makes you feel the way you do . Maybe she loves you and she dealt with her problem that way, but this is someone you are getting married to!! ...
Marriage is not always a happy happy ever lasting life time. Ofcourse everday wont be a happy time, so lets say if you face a REAL problem what is she going to do ??? .. leave you and sleep around again?????
instead of showing you that she cares and she will be patient for you cause she loves you ???
I am really sorry, but i feel that you are in love with the wrong person. And i am just giving you a heads up for your future if you get with her.
You will always feel that insecurity everytime something goes wrong. But why the stress??? a partner should be the one who will be a PARTNER ,support you and be there for you.
How can you ever express your problems or troubles to a person who won't give you a chance. doesnt understand you.
how can you be open to a person and think in your head, should i tell her this, did she do this when i had this issue with her??
what she is trying to tell you that she has a chance with other man! Straighten her out, dont step up to that !!
Its not fair to you! if you want to get married to this girl then make sure you wake her out of her imaturity.
The worst thing is as much as you SAY that you trust her, you always have that bad taste in your mouth.
I thin the best thing is dont rush into marriage and tell her the reason why, because she dissapointed you , as much as you love her. And see how patient and sorry she s for what she did
and if she will make an effort to change things for you to not feel the same way. Trust comes with time.
You know you are going to marry this girl anyway , so why rush , take your time and see how you still feel about her after ewhat she did to you and basically wait and watch her, that would be a test for you and her to really see if you are meant for one another.
Remember you are a human being like her with a heart, its not as easy as they say forgive and forget. ACTION is the key. So watch and see hw patient she is with you.
I wish you the best of luck
2007-01-04 03:21:19 · answer #5 · answered by Hunnypox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the 3rd or 4th time you have posted this question - how many answers do you need? Your fiancee wanted to "teach you a lesson" and "test your love"!!!! Sorry dude she is a cold-hearted manipulative wh0re and I'd listen to your head on this one. You don't need someone who obviously loves you a lot less than you love her. Both of you are incredibly immature. You of course are to partially blame for setting up the situation. Now.. stop asking this question...
2007-01-04 05:25:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice...if SHE really loves you, why didn't she wait for you? And why did she feel the need to experience the other guy? I'd have to wonder about her faithfulness if things got tough in the marriage down the road if she couldn't even wait 1 month for you.
But on the other hand...I don't agree with what you did either. You should have had your mind made up about marriage before you asked her to marry you and got engaged in the first place.
2007-01-04 02:24:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It would not sound to me that she is amazingly smart for telling you about this sexual stumble upon. some issues are extra effective left unsaid. it truly is merely common dumb. She must have did it purposely to make you jealous, which isn't very great to do to you. fairly to bypass into ingredient about the sex she had the evening earlier...ewe, it truly is merely recommend and nasty. Honesty is the perfect coverage is a load of crap even as it is composed of relationships. if you're smart, you pay interest for your head. It saves you YEARS of discomfort down the line. Your head is what's used throughout marriage, not your heart. Your heart is what receives you into the mess, your head is what makes particular you're presented for, dealt with and are insured a contented and secure destiny, for your little ones besides.
2016-12-01 19:46:21 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure either one of you are ready for a matuare relationship much less marriage. Before I'd walk down the isle I'd consider walking through the door of a couples counselor first. You both need to figure out some relationship issues before you commit to anyone.
2007-01-04 06:47:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always listen to the heart in matters of the heart. But as someone outside of the situation and hearing only one side of the story, I'd say both of you need a bit of maturing before getting married to anyone.
2007-01-04 02:37:39 · answer #10 · answered by Wagy1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats one hell of a way to thank someone for their kindness. what happens the next time she gets pissed off at you? personally i think that you guys should take some more time before you get married to work on your relationship and to put the past behind you. i dont think marriage is the answer right now unless you want to be going through a divorce soon
2007-01-04 02:39:32 · answer #11 · answered by kd baby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋