Does anyone have any tips on the best way to train a man to do the washing up?

Question

I don't want to appear to be a nag but I do expect him to do his fair share of the housework because I am no-one's skivvy. Any tips on getting a bloke into the kitchen without a fight, and then on making sure he actually does the washing up properly, as opposed to a quick rinse under the cold tap, so I don't need to wash the dishes again myself later? I don't want to have to discuss this or for it to become a point of argument - I just want him to do his share of the washing up, do it willingly, without being asked. and do it well.

Answer 1

The real question here is why do you feel you need help. Do work an equal amount of hours outside of the home? If yes, then I agree the housework should be split 50/50. But as someone else pointed out, this also includes cutting the grass, and other minor repairs around the house. If you are not willing to help him with those chores then neither should he be wiling to help you with yours.
Also, I agree with lady bug. Sex is not a leverage tool. Withholding sex to get your way will only lead to more arguments and resentment.
An alternative would be to point out if the two of you work together to finish the chores you will have more time to spend together doing something you both enjoy.

Answer 2

I liked the teamwork idea, it will make things easier, and more fun.
Or You could give him the jobs he likes, mow the yard, upkeep on the car[s], quality time with the kids.
Or you could divide the job of dish washing up into jobs, let him pick the part he likes, loading the dishwasher, scraping the plates, rinsing them off, putting them away ,and do this as quality time for you both. Explain to him that you see his involvement as a way to spend quality time together.
Try bribery. If he does the dishes, or helps, out comes a big slice of cheesecake out of the freezer! [Separate slices of cheesecake onto a cookie sheet and freeze. Wrap them individually, plastic wrap, then foil, and put them in a box that doesn't look like cheesecake is in it. Try a box that had frozen quiche in it. Bet he doesn't peek in that one, since real men do not like quiche!] Or do chocolate chip cookies the same way.
And there is always that other bribe, that men respond to very well. Starts with a "s". No, not socks, most men could care less if they even have them to wear, no, not sand, a trip to the bahamas would be a bribe to get YOU to do something, three letters...LOL, good luck to you!

Answer 3

If we could 'train' people oh what a wonderful world I would live in! he he!


I don't think he will ever really want to do the dishes or his fair share of the housework. You could stop doing your share and his share. Let the house become a wreck and see if he even notices. Remind him that you have pride in the house and hope that he does too, that you want him to be aware of how much work goes into keeping the house looking nice, and you want him to help, or you will stop doing any work.

you could....next time he does the dishes, let them stay that way and that becomes 'his' place setting at the next meal - eww.

Answer 4

It is my opinion that you have to compromise. When I had roommates, the only thing that worked was writing out a list of all the house work that had to be done. Everyone chose what they were willing to do and that is how everything was kept clean (this CAN work with your boyfriend too, because he will see that the chores are divided evenly and he will feel as though he has a choice). I am against using sex as leverage, but if he does something unexpected and helpful then definitely treat him to something he doesn't always get. My fiance does what I ask him to, because I will ask him a little at a time and when it is convenient for him. I don't ask him to do something as soon as he walks through the door and I don't ask him if he is playing a game. I will let him know that I want something done even if he is busy and say that I want him to do it when he has a chance. Remind him of everything that you do for him, but don't expect him to jump for joy when doing house work. Even if he does it grudgingly, he will get over it and at least you aren't doing it all on your own!

Answer 5

This is a wonderful question! Some of the answers are hysterical and some are downright brilliant!

I have been married to a "Muy Macho" for many, many years and those before me didn't "housebreak" him very well! Before we married, I knew (sort of) what I was in for and made a pact with him. As long as I was not holding down a job (other than the job of taking care of him, our family and our home) the INSIDE of the house was my domain, the OUTSIDE and the garage belonged to him.

I figured he worked full time to provide the house, etc. and my half of the team was to take care of those provisions. My family and my home were my full time job.

When I did have another job, all responsibilities were split between the two of us. This worked for a while. It didn't take long for him to realize how difficult running a household was and just how much effort it took. He tired of it very quickly, but instead of continually fighting about it, I hired a housekeeper. When he grumbled about the cost and the intrusion of a stranger washing his knickers, I calmly mentioned the possibility of his doing it. I didn't hear anything further.

As for the kitchen duties...the one who cooks, doesn't clean. I've learned over the years that my way, my idea, of "clean" is much different than his. But, calm in my house is much more important than spotless cleaning.....the housekeeper picks up the slack.

One other thing....an automatic dishwasher solves a multitude of problems! LOL

Answer 6

Keep separate dishes. Present him with his own set of dishes and utensils, clean and ready to go. Have a set for yourself. Use permanent ink to mark them (on the bottom) to identify them, and tell him that if he wants clean dishes, he can clean his when they are dirty. A standard set of 8 would give you each 4 sets. Clean yours when you are finished, and put them away someplace, preferably locked up.
Separate the laundry as well. Have 'His & Hers' laundry hampers, and if his starts to overflow, just put them back in his dresser drawers (separate from the clean clothes, if any are left), or stuff them into laundry bags and set them in his closet or on his side of the bed.

During this entire time, do not nag or gripe, or even debate the issue. Nowhere is it written that you are required to clean up after him. Do not be antagonistic during this, simply be polite yet firm.
I give it no more than two weeks before he gets fed up and starts cleaning up after himself.

Edit:
Ladies, don't be so sure that you can use sex as a weapon to change a husband's attitude. It can easily backfire.
Men, don't assume that only the husband works, and I dont' care how hard the job is, any man that can't clean up after his own messes is a lazy wimp. I know hundreds of 'muy macho' men that do all their own cleaning. Semper Fi.

Answer 7

I have always been one to take the route of the house work is something we do together, a divide and concur mentality.

I have always been one to say hey hon, this place is gross why don't we straighten up then pose the question as to where he would like to start.

Taking the initiative is a lot to ask, however making it a regular team effort can be "fun" and take the stress out of accomplishing the housework.

Answer 8

Assuming you both have 50/50 responsibility I would tell him he can either help with the share of the work or work some overtime to have a cleaner come in. That is fair.

Answer 9

I agree with the using sex as bait, but make it an event/game... where the two of you do it together.. the reward if anything is the both of you on a counter you just cleaned.. he'll love doing dishes after this exercise.

Answer 10

You just need to talk to him and establish rules. Go over each persons responsibilities. Lay out your expectations. Sometimes you are just going to have to put your foot down. Anyway, I am sure that their are things that he would like you to do with out having to start an argument about it too.