mom in law?

Question

my mother in law interferes in absolutely everything and wants everything her way. i m pregnant and want to be with my husband and if it goes my way get delivery happen where my husband is since according to her the delivery cannot happen at my mother's place. before this also whenever she never allowed me to take up any job, i hve no carreer, hve an unplanned baby in my womb. a husband who does 'nt get it dat it is more important for me to be mentally happy thn having a care giver like mom in law who does'nt even let me breathe. i don't want to hate her b'se she has left no stone unturned in giving me pre natal and be in the good books of my husband. if i say something my husband thinks i m misbehaving with her as she is too smart to brain wash.

Answer 1

This is the problem with all mom in laws.
When you will become a mom in law the same would be happening.

Also basically most of our boys are mama's boy till the age of 50, here also you can not change much. Only make sure that your son do not become a mama's boy.

I can suggest the followings -
1. Ignore moms
2. At the time of child birth you would require some help. If possible take help from friends and not from your mom or mom in law.
3. Try to make good understanding with your husband. I know all the Indian women has the capability to manage/dominate at least one man.
4. Its your life, enjoy it as per your likings.

Answer 2

Time to be strong now and turn the tables. Let your husband know that you intend to do things your way with your pregnancy and with your life. Don't be hostile about it but do be firm. Then put that into action. People only interfere and take control if you allow it.

Think about it, I'm sure she does exactly what she wants in her life as many people do, why do you feel you have not got that right.

Trust me, it will take courage at first but she will soon realise you are not a doormat and have a mind of your own. No need for nastiness just be assertive and don't get into discussion about it otherwise you may all end up arguing.

So, make your mind up what it is YOU want, tell your husband (remember you're not asking his permission), then stand strong and firm. If you don't like what she's telling you, change the subject or tell her what you are going to do.

Good luck.

Answer 3

First step for u to do would be to some how convince ur parents to come and take u away for the delivery.... that way, u are away from her atleast till child birth.

Later, stick on to ur mom's house for some more time... think things out clearly, the pros and cons of what you want to do...

This way, atleast during the last few months of pregnancy ur happy which is very important for the baby.

You need a lot of tact to handle a lady like her... think things out before you take any step.

All the best.... do remember that no matter what, it is ur life and there is nothing impossible in this world.

Answer 4

I would put my foot down with her. No matter how much help she's given you during your pregnancy, that baby is still (currently for the most part) yours. Yes, your husband contributed, but he's sounding like a mama's boy and his mom is helping to "make the best" out of a situation that you said was unplanned.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Remember, first and fore most, your mental health and well being directly affect your child. Don't let yourself be in uncomfortable situations.

You still have a life of your own, make sure you draw the line with her. My mother in law is better than my own mom sometimes, I'm sorry you got a rotten one.

Answer 5

first off congratulations on the baby!! It sounds like she doesn't mean to be too overbearing, like you said she has been very helpful in your prenatal care, unfortunately sometimes over helpful people don't realize they can be overbearing too! She thinks her motherly ways are helpful, and because her full grown son still allows her to "mother" him, there's nothing wrong. He either doesn't want to stand on his own two feet, or have the good thing stop. Unfortunately he doesn't take into consideration that she's not your mother and you are not only your own grown up, but soon to be a mommy too, and you need to spread your OWN wings. It will be a very tough situation for you, he won't side with you because he is obviously heavily influenced by her, you just need to be your own person, and be very clear when it comes to your own concerns, speak up yourself, a little at a time. Hopefully she will become adjusted if it's done slowly over time, and gain respect for you, heaven know your husband won't be doing it for you, and that's a shame. Best of luck keep your head high and be a proud mommy!!

Answer 6

The problem doesn't begin with your mother in law, it begins with your husband, it seems as if he allows her to boss you around and tell you what you should do? You need to tell your husband that you re going to need to have space to yourselves if you both are living with the MIL, then it's time to move out because living in her home only makes her think that she has more reason to run your lives, now when you talk to dh tell him how messed up things are with your mil, be specific as to what you dont like about what shes doing because he's not really going to see the wrong because its what he was brought up with, and she's only in this for her own reasons, why do you think she's already saying the baby can't even be delivered at your mothers? It's not her call, you nd your husband are the parents, your husband needs to grow a backbone to stand up to his mother and tell her where her place is, outside of the marriage and marital decisions between the two of you, in a marriage there are only 2 people not three, it's a little overcrowded so someones gotta go, and if it's not his mother, then you have to and figure things out on your own, go to school it will benefit your baby in the end, and make it alot easier to not be stuck in situations like this where you don't really have much of choice, you need to learn to be independant and know how to stand up for yourself, do not under any circumstances tell your mil off because it will make you look like the bad guy, try talking to your husband and like I said if he can't let go of mommy, then be strong and move on. I would suggest visiting www.ihatemyinlaws.com and get advice from there also, many members on there deal with interfering inlaws also, and can help with advice. Good luck

Answer 7

Hey you need to calm down and think about yourself for once. You are pregnant and the baby will be there no matter u wish or not. The only thing right now for u to do is think about u and the coming baby. dont listen to your mil . she seems to be trouble. listen to yourself and decide what to do. It might be good if u go to your mom for delivery. atleast you will not have your mil hovering around u and telling u what to do.
Also plan for your next kid using your own judgement.Once more u need to vent out your anger on people who annoy u. It will be quite harmful if u keep it bottled up now that u are pregnant.hey i used to listen to my in laws banter for 3 yrs when i cudnt tolerate it anymore i vented out. I feel much better. I was a nervous wreck those 3 yrs.Also i wudnt give too much importance to what in laws tell about me having a career or a kid.Didnt you get guidance before marriage from elders from your side regarding contraception.
Relax go to your mom's if u decide to have baby there and come back with the baby to your house and try for a job .for u it might be helpful if u do so.dont tell your mil after u get a job u can tell her. Once she sees money after 1 month all will be ok.best of luck.

Answer 8

Wow. Um I'm a little confused. Are you living with your mother in law? Move out! Deliver your baby in a hospital where you can control who's in the room with you. Tell you mother in law that while you appreciate her help, you need some space right now or you'll go crazy. Tell your husband how you feel and if he says you're being mean or whatever, tell him that you are growing a freaking human being inside of yourself and are intitled to be a bit emotional and if he really loves you he damm well better help you out.

Answer 9

First off Ms you need to stand up and be heard. Tell your ma's boy of a husband that either he supports you or you will replace him. Tell your mother-n-law to keep her trap shut. Your body, child and this is what you are going to do. If you don't stop it now you are in for a life of HELL. Not that you aren't already there.

Answer 10

well maybe she want the best for u both but ur seeing it as controlling coz u don't like her , and she does have the right to be near her sons first child just as u want ur mom next to u when u give birth , i can only say this to u , u have to learn to comprise with ur mother in law , remember she loves her son just like ur gong to love your u r new child .. and if ur leaving with her u need to move out and get a place of ur own so u don't have this kind of problem again