Why do I get so jealous? How can I stop it?

Question

I have a good relationship with my partner which is open & honest & we trust each other. However I get terribly jealous of his female friends. Not because I feel he would cheat on me because I trust him & I know they are people he has known for many years & only wants a friendship with. I still cant be comfortable with the situation though. The problem is not him - it is me because I feel this way with every boyfriend I have had except this time it is harder as he has more friends. When I know he is going to see one of his female friends I get anxious & worried & feel very vulnerable. I dont think, 'oh he will leave me' but I cant seem to cope with the idea of him spending time in another womans company, enjoying spending time with her etc. All I want to do is feel comfortable with the situation. Please help, he is not a bad person & he is not treating me wrongly, I know it is quite normal to have friends of both sexes - I just am not good at accepting it inside. Please no nasty advice

Answer 1

Plenty of men and women get jealous..its just one of these things..you just have to keep telling yourself you trust him and he loves you.

Answer 2

well your human jealousy is most likely not a good thing ever ,
but it happens.
perhaps you will never be all that comfortable with having a friendship with this other girl.
the thing is that the way your react to the feeling can cause troubles you don't want.
i suggest you do a sort of fake it till you make it job. that means
act fine in regards to it . in time you may find that this fake behavior has become your real natural behavior.
another thing to do is consider how you think of yourself .
i am thinking you don't have a great impression of yourself.
so fix that too. over weight then do sensible things like walk more and eat less fast food.
only you know what area most make you feel not great about yourself. that is the area you need to work on. since i don't know what it is and it may have nothing to do with your appearance i cant tell you step by step how to fix it . i can tell you that you may need to change some of your thoughts if you are prone to calling yourself stupid then stop that and every time there is something that took slightly more effort then turning on a light switch and you do it correctly you say something like ............. your name in that spot did well .
this is a real basic route i would attempt .

Answer 3

I think its because you love him so much or at least have very strong feelings for him, and the fact that another girl can get his attention without it being sexual makes you feel a little insecure but that's not his fault or yours its just a part of being in a relationship my boyfriend has girl friends and some are his ex's and i get really jealous when they make him laugh it might sound stupid but that's something i feel like only i should do, if you trust him and feel that his attention needs to be on you more rather than his girl friends then tell him but be cautious in doing so don't come off as a jealous girlfriend as it might make him feel like you don't trust him and cause unnecessary arguments.

Answer 4

I feel so sorry for you. Jealousy can eat you up inside. It is the most horrible feeling in the world. I used to be so jealous my husband could not even walk past a female [ total strangers ] in the street and i would watch to see if he was looking. That is where the problem come's in. Watching him all the time. I taught myself self-control, when i felt jealousy rising up me and the devil sitting on my shoulder telling me he is looking at other woman i would count to 10 and think of other things. It got better and better as time went by.
Keep it in mind if he fancied one of the other girls [ his friends] he would not be with you. Should you go out with him and meet his friends be pleasant, you don't have to hug the girls and tell them you love them, just be pleasant , make jokes and be amusing even if it kills you. They in turn will see that you are making an effort and respect you for it. Please try and control the jealousy it is the worst thing you can have in a relationship. It will drive you apart eventually. I really do feel for you, i remember how horrible it was. Keep well , take care and try your best ok.:))

Answer 5

I feel that to be jealous over someone that u love is just normal, I feel that way too. But what counts is the "trust" again, it should not be a habit of him to always enjoy spending time with other women all alone,it will be better if you could go with him just to keep ur mind at rest and to trust him more.

Answer 6

Jealousy is good! It is a positive constructive force in your life! You might believe that because you are jealous, but the true is that jealousy poison that is eating your hearth, and maid, and you fid you’re self alone. In most situations, jealousy is perfectly fine and healthy; Jealousy comes from a positive desire to protect your relationship, if this is the case, then why does it hurt you? Why can jealousy burn your from inside and create this inner turmoil? It hurts you because it does not manage to find its way.
Your ultimate goal is to protect and preserve the relationship, This is what you want, right? You don’t want to hurt your partner or anyone else, this is not your goal, however, your relationship can be under attack, Jealousy is simply a defence mechanism.

Answer 7

Well, the hardest battle is done - you aren't in denial about it. That's a good thing, you know you are being irrational and that your jealousy is unfounded and unnecessary.

So the only thing you have to do is just apply that knowledge when you need to be reminded of it. So next time you feel this way, take a deep breath and relax and tell yourself you aren't going to indulge those feelings because you are a rational person, not a mess of emotions and neediness.

Answer 8

Here's my view point...I am a jealous person and so is my husband. If he wants to have an "open" relationship, I'm okay with it, but it has to go both ways. Neither one of us is going to have more than the other. If he chooses to have female friends fine, but I'm going to have male friends. If he needs to go out with his friends alone, no problem I'll go out with mine alone too.
Relationships are hard as it is, especially now-a-days with moraless people wondering around everywhere you turn. No one seems to take anything seriously anymore, nor respect anyone elses relationships. With that being said, take it one day at a time, speak your peace, if it bothers you and he loves you he will consider your feelings. Otherwise make male friends and go out with them...sometimes people need to feel what we feel in order to understand where we are coming from.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

It is normal to be a little jealous.
He is with you if these friends were anything more he would have chosen one of them before you.
Get to know them .
You say that you have had boyfriends before and had the same problem.
You are aware that the problem belongs to you that is a good start.
Only you can heal this part of self.
Happiness does not come from another human being it is God given from within self.
Try not to look at his friends in the light of boyfriend and girlfriend see them as his friends.

Take care!

Answer 10

all you have to do is relax.
if you truley trust this guy and belive he loves youy then all you have to do is relax. i have done the same thing in many a relationship. if you relax and remind yourself that he loves you and you love him these feeling will just fall away.
If after a while you still feel this way then talk about it.
If your partner really loves you he will not be upset by the way you feel and will be glad to reasure you.
are you two spending enough alone time together?
hope your problem gets sorted.

Answer 11

eih first of all, you should know where that jealousy is coming from..you need to searched your soul to know the root of the problem because it's easier to solve a problem when you already know the real cause, at least the solution will be direct..then you need a real self-evaluation..asks questions about yourself and a bout your relationship...like do you completely trust you partner or your just pretending to trust him..do you have a past relation that hurt you a lot that's affecting your attitude towards other relationship..you need to think a bout it or regret it later...