Dad has raised girl her whole life, but now she wishes to leave home to live in a house with no regular meals, safety or comfort. The only thing she doesn't get at home now is her own way. Can she legally go? This is tearing our family apart, and the two little ones aged 3 &1, who are 'ours', are in the middle, and I'm fed-up of being 'evil' stepmum all the time, while bm is praised for smoking weed, and even though teen didn't get any Xmas pressies from bm, that's O.K. because she doesn't have any money, but we don't want to pay for a holiday to prague, and we the meanest people on Earth!!! She wants to go, but can we stop her?
2007-01-03 22:23:43 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you are the legal guardian or have custody then your stepdaughter has to stay until she's 16. Hopefully in this time things will be sorted out.
2007-01-03 22:29:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO....don't allow her to go.. this woman has no food, no security, no comfort, no money and is a junkie, also imagine if you did allow the child to go, who knows what kind of weirdo is visiting this woman day and night, all kinds of idiots coming to and from her home....nope...tell the girl under no circumstances does she go near this woman until she is old enough to leave home, then she can make her own mind up but while she is under your roof she abides by yours and her dads rules, the bm has never been in her life and all of a sudden she wants her there, her demons are coming to haunt her, or it could be the drugs making her think that way, i ca guaentee this, if you allow the 14 yr old back there, then i an tell you that the bm will get fed up very fast and go back to her old ways, a matter of weeks and your daughter will be back with you.... either way, i would not allow it.,...no no no.....let the 14 yr old have her tantrums, and throw a paddy about the house, let her scream an shout and call you names, she is being a bratt and treating you like crap....put your foot down, ground her if you have to, you are the one who's taking care of her so you and your spouse have every right to stop her, she is too young to leave home, and take no notice to her when she calls you the evil step mum or what ever name she throws at you, you have the upper hand, just ignore it, i used to get that too, but at the end of the day, you are raising her and she should follow your rules...if she persists, ground her until she learns some manners and kee grounding her when she throws a hissy...she's 14 and at a difficult age, she wants to make your life hell coz thats what teenagers do best....don't give in....dont let her anywhere near her real mother until you know for a fact that she has been clean for at least a year and has a job and a stable home to live in....
2007-01-04 01:30:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. She must be 16, but then you cannot stop her. Until then you can have the police, juvenile services, to be exact help you in restraining her, legally if necessary. 14 is a terrible age, as kids think they are so grown up and smart when they're just barely not kids anymore. If you don't hold the firm line on her she's going to be more trouble than you can imagine. I would hire a lawyer and sue for full custody. The she can never go with mom. You need good legal advice, not me or anyone here telling you who or what.
Good Luck. Don't give in now when it's really going to matter to the 14 yr old's future!!
2007-01-03 22:29:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's doing all that to see how far you will go for her. She sounds like she invents these problems believing the cure will be the most difficult thing to find. If it's been going on for awhile, she may need some counseling, but if it's a new thing, she could just come out of it later. I think that if the problem really existed, she would take your advice on how to fix it. (such as taking the tylenol). Maybe there is something she was getting at her grandma's house that sh is not getting there at home? Talk to her. Maybe ask her if there is something you can do to make her enjoy the place she lives now since you can't move.
2016-05-23 02:01:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If here bm is proven to be unfit, then there is a great possibe chance u can stop her. But you also have to think of the long term affect this will have. As she will just have something else to hurrle abuse at you for. maybe allowing a short time with her bm might learn her to appreciate what she already has, and that her bm wouldnt pay for the holiday either.
2007-01-06 11:27:53 · answer #5 · answered by michelle r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this isnt what you want to hear but it is true. if she really wants to go she cant be stopped. i left home at 15, my mum got social services involved, police god she tried every avenue and it didnt stop me, and i was just going from here to there not to any kind of family. i hop for your sake and your family that it is a silly phase and she will stay a week and realise it isnt what she thought it would be.
a good idea is for you and your husband to go and talk to the birth mother and let her know you dont think it is right for her to move into there especially as she takes drugs. 14 year olds are easily led and you wouldnt want her also being a drug addict.
i totally regret leaving home, that was 7 years ago. i now have 2 lovely kids and i am happy but when i left i struggled so much and i was toohead strong to admit defeat so i carried on struggling.
i fucked school off and everything. i had no reason to want to move out i was just naughty.
maybe you could talk to your daughter and come to a mutual agrreement, like weekdays at yours, weekend at her birth mothers, dont speak down to her if you dont agree, speak to her like an adult.
i wish you all the best how ever it works out, but please do what you can to keep her safe and always let her know she is loved and wanted.
xx
2007-01-03 22:35:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If dad is the legal guardian then no she must stay with you until 16 otherwise social services get involved especially if shes living with a drug addict. 14 is a rebellious age she will come round but it may take some time. don't bad mouth her mother in front of her though or she will see you as the devil. I'm sure you don't anyway
good luck
2007-01-07 07:01:04 · answer #7 · answered by Giggle Angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has to stay with whoever is her leagal guardian. If she goes to their house and something happens, the legal guardian is responsible for her behavior. She wants to go to their house because I think she thinks they will be easier on her and not hold her accountable. Her safety comes first and being at a home with drugs is not good for her. Get her in to some counseling so you can find out why she is so angry. She may be taking it out on you but I can tell you, her anger has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how she feels about herseld inside.
Remember that anytime she runs off or does something illegal you need to report her to the juvenile department in your town. If you don't hold her accountable for her behavior then she's going to take that as it's ok to act out and her behavior will get worse.
Most likely her behavior is something going on internally but there may have been a traumatic event that happened, a family member left or died, or a change in her family structure. All of these can really affect a kid. Remember it's not about you, it's about her.
2007-01-03 22:30:35 · answer #8 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible the Children's Services will step in at some point. If you have legal custody of her you are responsible for her well being. If she refuses to stay at home and her birth moyher can not care for her she may in fact in up in foster care. The problem is it is a long path to a decision. I wouldsay counseling may be a step in the right direction to show the court you have tried. In fact it may help your situation. You can not go on being held hostage by your child. Good luck!
2007-01-03 22:49:51 · answer #9 · answered by Wat Da Hell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi i have been there ,she is legally to go but if you and the dad wants her to stay then fight thought the courts they got a thing called caf,caf which they will go to both house and check that it is suitable to live in and then they put a report in and if the place is unfit to live in then she will stay with you and your not the bad one just remember that you care for her she just don't see that at the mo my son done the same thing with his dad and girl friend but i done the right way i put a fight up all the way i hope this is some sort of help
2007-01-03 22:52:25 · answer #10 · answered by jen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋