I am 24 and got involved with a woman of 35 years old, divorced three kids who told me she was abused when she was younger. Me and her both got involved sexually and I became attached to her, she also had another bloke who was seeing another woman at the same time.
After a year of sleeping with her I really cared for her and we went out and things I explained to her that I loved her which I did I really cared for her but she said she felt more for the other guy.
Emotionally I have been a wreck ever since and I don't normally feel like this what makes it harder is we used to work together and people who work around her say that she used me. Would it be too harsh to suggest that I was abused? A cased of the abused becoming the abuser in her case? It's been 4 months since contact because I told other man she was sleeping around because I thought he was using her!! So confused, abuse or not?
2007-01-03 21:50:31 · 15 answers · asked by dsfsdd d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Abuse? Because she broke your heart? No, sorry. Save the term "abuse" for people that are unable to, or incapable of, protecting themselves.
You knew about the other guy and still continued the relationship. That she ended up being more attracted to the other guy, is her choice. Leave her (and her personal life) alone and move on.
2007-01-03 21:53:57 · answer #1 · answered by Curious1usa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say it's abuse because you both knew during the relationship that she was seeing someone else. Unfortunately she was getting her cake and eating it too. It's sucky, but you should probably have seen the signs and protected your feelings. Look at it this way. Some relationships don't last a couple of months never mind a year. You did pretty good. It just wasn't meant to be. :-(
2007-01-03 21:55:31 · answer #2 · answered by pinkflamingola 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not abuse...but it is one of lifes harsh lessons. You have gained some valuable experience. So maybe next time you get involved in a relationship, you can do so with your eyes a little wider. Sorry you got hurt.....in time you will feel better...I know there is not much help in those words, it's just a simple truth. Take care..there is someone out there who will treat you right.
2007-01-03 21:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by Firefighters Wife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it was not abuse because you knew full well what the situation was at the time and chose to stay in it anyway.
You say yourself she was honest with you that she felt more for the other fella than she did you, yet you continued to stay with her instead of asking her to make a choice because you couldn't live like that anymore and instead of asking her to do so at all, you went to the other fella to try to eliminate the competition, which may have worked but now she doesn't want to be with you because she feels you have betrayed her, which you did.
He wasn't the problem in your relationship, she was.
2007-01-03 21:56:19 · answer #4 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not abused even though you may feel that way. You are an adult, a consenting adult, and you are responsible for whether you get in to relationships or not. Now she may have taken advantage of you but that kids of stuff happens. You just need to learn from what happened and know that some women are great and some are out for their best interest.
2007-01-03 21:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just end the whole saga and extricate yourself from a situation which is clearly not in your interest. Being 11 years your senior and with three kids, you will hardly be able to cope with any future longterm relationship with her. As to the question of who abused whom, that's purely academic: each of you needed the other sexually and that was exactly what both of you did. If both of you enjoyed it, who should blame whom?
2007-01-03 22:10:34 · answer #6 · answered by Paleologus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might be confused but you were not abused. You knew she was older, you knew she was seeing someone else, and you still got involved with her. Then you involved yourself in her other relationship. That was jealousy. So far it is all you and now you want to say you were abused. Don't think so.
2007-01-03 21:55:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say she abused you.
I would say she is acting out her sexuality alittle too much that could go back to her being abused. She is taking sex to casual of a thing, that is something that is common among people who have been abused.
Don't listen to other people, just move on. They aren't inside of her head.
2007-01-03 21:54:51 · answer #8 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you weren't abused, used maybe, but not abused. You knew she was a mess when you got involved so as my husband says: "sh#@ runs downhill, climb to the top!"
2007-01-03 21:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by MotherMayI? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty can manifest itself in our actions as well as in our innermost state of being. There is the sense of humility and shame that we must feel before we lie. Forgiveness is to give grace to the offending partner and in no way ways means acceptance of the infidelity, neither does it condone the action they have taken nor in any way excuse them for what have they done. but you think what you told the other person.
2007-01-03 22:00:35 · answer #10 · answered by dandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋