He has never seen me naked or anything before and I'm worried that I won't be what he expects.. I'm also not good with pain and I do't want to scream or anything and put him off. He's had more experience than me and I don't want to embarass myself...
2007-01-03 20:50:34 · 16 answers · asked by Steph 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You should talk about this with your boyfriend. It's natural to feel a little self-confident especially when magazines have pictures of 'perfect' girls (a lot of them are re-touched photos). It's probable that your boyfriend is a little nervous about what HE looks like naked! But men don't see the imperfections in women as we see them, to them our lumpy bums are just cuddly, and our wobbly breasts are just magical. So don't worry about what you look like or, if you prefer, get under the covers and undress there. Your boyfriend should take every care to make sure that you are comfortable and not scared. Sex does hurt a little the first time, not enough to scream though. Your boyfriend should try and make you feel relaxed, and also he should take his time.
Also, don't worry about being what he expected - sex is a very individual thing. What you see people doing on the telly is just acting for the cameras - I've had plenty of sex and it's never been anything like that but it has been just as good.
Also, for your first time, please don't expect shooting stars and all that nonsense that the magazines tell you - to experience real pleasure from sex takes a little time and a lot of practice.
PLEASE remember to use contraception!!!! So important!
But .... most important ... if you really don't feel ready then I wouldn't have sex just for the sake of it. Your boyfriend should understand this and be patient with you, if he really loves you. But if you do want to share this intimacy with your boyfriend then relax, that is the secret.
Good luck, have fun.
2007-01-03 21:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cassandra, I am also not comfortable with my appearance as well. I am overweight, am small chested, really short, have severe social phobia. I can't even eat around someone I just met, or even a few months... It's really terrible. Make sure you keep your therapist, and get help there as well. What do we do when we aren't comfortable in our own skin? We have to try and make things better so that we can. Like, you can look on-line, and search for ways to lose weight. What foods you should/shouldn't be eating. Being small chested is only seen as gross, because a lot of women out here are big chested, and everyone hears that Men love women with big hooters. Just know, not all men do. There are men who love bigger women too, and can't even look at a thin women without thinking "ugh..." or somewhere there. I was picked on a lot in school. But usually wasn't the fat jokes. It was more so, because I was Caucasian, and a lot of the kids could not stand it. I love the idea of sex too, but when it comes down to it, I am always turning the light off, or telling my partner to not look so I can grab the covers and cover up. We have to make ourselves feel better, before we can make anyone else. I understand that people may tell you that all the time, but it's true. Because every time your partner tells you, you are beautiful, you are just going to either say "Thank-you, but I don't think so." Or tell him he is joking, or telling you what you want to hear, rather then what you want to know. There are a few things you can change, but being small chested, you will have to learn to get over it, and accept that is how you are made and you shouldn't change it for no one. After you get older, and the more you experience, and whatnot, the better you will feel, and you will know that you are fine the way you are. It's a wonder why you feel gross, you also had something very bad happen to you, and that can also cause an effect. I also have severe anxiety, so I am CONSTANTLY on a roller coaster, fighting with myself on how depressed, and bad I feel. I don't have any friends, and when I do meet someone, they end up never leaving me alone 100%, they find some way to try and let me know they are still there, in the shadows. Anyway, I'm sorry that you feel this way, no one deserves to feel down. You just have to know that there are people that are going to love you, and people that already do, and they accept you the way you are. Sometimes, it's not all about your appearance, it's about what's inside, the true YOU. If you are fun loving, and have a magnetic personality, it shouldn't matter how you look -- either way. Keep your head up high, you have a wonderful boyfriend, and he will soon love you (if he hasn't already started), and focus on improving things you aren't happy with, and accepting the things that you cannot change. One you accept, you are good to go. Also, try explaining to your boyfriend, he might have great advice for you. Good Luck with you getting passed all the obstacles that may cross your path!
2016-05-23 01:57:14 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should wait to have sex until you're ready. If you're still having doubts like this, you may want to wait a while longer.
Incidentally, he probably won't care about how you look. If he loves you and wants to have sex with you, seeing you naked won't change that.
Also, though the first time can be painful, the worst pain is over in just a moment. I have a really low threshold for pain, too, but I didn't have the urge to scream or anything. Try to relax as much as you can; it will hurt less.
2007-01-03 20:58:16 · answer #3 · answered by Iris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ah I remember the days...seriously, be honest with him. Take it slowly, maybe let him see you naked a couple of times before you actually have sex. If it hurts, tell him - he'll want you to enjoy it and will respect you telling him to stop. It shouldn't change anything just because he's more experienced than you - everyone does things differently. He'll be nervous too, so don't make a big thing about it, but do tell him your nervous if you want, he'll understand to take care and take things slowly. You will not embarrass yourself unless you rush into it with no thought about it or you carry on when you're not enjoying it. It may take a couple of tries if it's your first time but if he cares about you enough then he'll do what it takes to make you comfortable. Please don't rush into it though, it's really not worth doing it just for the sake of it.
2007-01-03 20:59:14 · answer #4 · answered by mishmash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are completely in love with this boy and you are dying to do it, DONT.
Until you have complete confidence in yourself then you shouldn't do it. Try and approach the topic with himin conversation and explain how you feel. If you do decide to do it be safe and use protection, make sure he'll still be there the next morning and ask him to help you if he's more experienced.
Please make sure you love him otherwise you'll regret it. Gd luck x
2007-01-07 09:23:39 · answer #5 · answered by jesusfreakjen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are who you are. Confidence matters a lot when it comes to having sex and enjoying it. If we loves you, I don't think it would matter to him what you look like...............but if he comments about your physique, don't get offended. Things like that are some of the few things that guys actually communicate on and I know that they say it because, they want to enjoy having a physical relationship with YOU and not someone else. Oh, and try to save yourself for marriage, you'll never regret it.
2007-01-03 21:09:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
look darlin, sort yourself out... pretty much literally hehe.... practise with a cucumber... gag yourself if you have to!....practise to keep your screaming down and smiling more... maybe tell a joke while your doin it to lighten the atmosphere... maybe try juggling? i mean... when your on your own... u gona have only one hand free... but it will be a real party piece! ice breaker!
and.. it will look like your a pro.... and by pro i mean professional! and you look proficient in your jugglin!... anythin that you can do well.. will give you confidence!! so sex might not be a strong point but add in a little jugglin, maybe some impressions? whats your strong point? if its netball... then bring your vest and a ball and mix it up a bit!!!
u know what i love... a girl who bring sumthin different to the table...... a lasagne maybe... but obviously metaphorcially speaking...you can bring anythin you like.... whips, chips, dips? u name it!!!
GO TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will be here all day!
2007-01-03 21:32:35 · answer #7 · answered by neel2kuk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't, as a guy let me say we're easy to impress on this point. You presence and cooperation are all that are required.
In any case, if he cares about you than that's all that will matter to him. You get experience by doing, guys are never as preoccupied with your looks as you think (not even close), and as to pain... I can only tell you what women have told me about that: It hurts, it stings, but it's never nearly as bad as you think it will be.
Good luck and be safe.
2007-01-03 20:56:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
im lacking in self confidence and i just turn the lights of. or do it under the duvet, dont be embarressed, he will be just as nervous. it doesnt matter how many times you do it, doing it with a dif person is just the same as doing it for the first time. have a few drinks then you will be as confident as ever.
2007-01-07 07:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by MANDY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jus wait until ur ready hun, u will no wen u r. dnt worry bout what he thinks of ur body if he loves u then he will love everythin about u. the only way u will enjoy it is if u r relaxed and comfortable so wait until the time is right otherwise u will end up regrettin it. xx
2007-01-03 21:09:29 · answer #10 · answered by Kimmy xx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋