I'm a 16 year old male who is extremely shy and self concious. I'm affraid I dont or cant act comfortably or normally in public. How can I be myself without worrying what Im doing or what others are thinking?
Thanks,
2007-01-03 20:17:43 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Counseling can be very helpful and I would encourage this as there could be some underlying issues that contribute to this. That being said, teen years are years full of big changes.
One of the big deals is puberty and sexual changes in the body. Then there are the expectations of dating and the difference between expectations of parents and friends.
I have had problems with shyness and I have worked as a RN on psych units in hospitals. The cause of shyness is anxiety about what others will think about us. What if the other kids think I'm a nerd? Will people think I'm stupid? And of course, "What will she think?", I would like her for a g/f so I have to act in a certain way so that she likes me.
Realise that everyone else, no matter how cool they act, is worrying about the same thing. Some people are just better at hiding their feelings than others.
The solution is to realise that if you just be yourself, some people will like you and some people won't. But the important thing is that the people who like you actually do like YOU, not someone you are trying to act like.
People who put on an act never know whether someone really likes them and they are constantly fearful that someone will discover the real person under the act.
You got some good suggestions: to focus on what your goals are, to not focus on yourself when you are with people but to focus on others (what they are saying, trying to understand them), join some extracurricular activity and that a part time job can help increase your self esteem. Positive affirmations about yourself that you repeat mentally over and over can also be a big help with self esteem.
Best wishes on you future happiness.
2007-01-03 21:11:55 · answer #1 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not know this, but all those other people are too busy wondering what others are thinking about them to really give you much thought at all. Try to think more positively. You are worthwhile because you are one of a kind. You are o.k. just as you are right now. If other people don't like you, that is their problem not yours. You will never be able to please every one so don't even try. Just be true to your own convictions, strive to do good in this world, offer help when ever you can , and forgive yourself if you make a mistake, you would forgive another wouldn't you? Go easy on yourself. When you know better you'll do better. Listen to the dialog that is running through your mind, when you hear an untruth, stop and replace it with a more accurate statement: you ARE good at some things, you don't always mess up. Try to reach the calm serene core which is the center of us all. I am not saying that this is easy, just that it is our goal. Try to focus on someone or something outside of yourself. I have faith in you. You CAN do it. 16 is a very trying time of life , lots of things are changing inside you, confusion is normal, we all feel uncomfortable some times. Stay positive and active, this will help you focus on something besides what you see as your faults. No body is perfect. Just be true to yourself, and help others and believe that everything is happening the way it is suppossed to happen. Life is what happens when we are making plans for our life. Hang in there, you'll do just fine.
2007-01-04 05:10:48 · answer #2 · answered by territizzyb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jason, just remember not everyone is looking at you. You could go round with a loud speaker and people would soon forget as they have there own lives to be getting on with.
Does your fear of what people think about you come from something which has been said to you in the past?
16 is a hard age, before you have truly found yourself and yet you think you know what you want.
Perhaps you could look into doing something to boost your confidence. A part time job/ learn something out of school, doing something out of your comfort zone might really help you gain confidence and if you are busy you wont have time to think about others!
2007-01-04 04:33:26 · answer #3 · answered by K Lou 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your young and I'm guessing what your going through is part of growing up. Its easy to say don't worry about what people think and to just be yourself. Instead try ofcussing on other people around you and see problems that they may have htrough their eyes. You will find that doing this will remove the focus you have on yourself. If in doubt always talk to someone your not alone,
All the best, peace.
2007-01-04 12:13:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest that you try counselling...it can do wonders. Other than that, this is totally normal and I guarantee this will change in a few years. I have known many guys who were extremely unstable in that way during teenage years..and once they've grown up, they are perfectly capable of socializing and are great people! Don't worry so much, it will only make things worse.
Good luck hun, everything will be fine, I promise.
2007-01-04 04:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by xoxo_sexy_biatch_xoxo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just try and relax and be yourself! If people don't like it then its their problem! You just have to keep telling yourself that you don't care what other people think! I am sure they will like you and not judge you! you have to believe in yourself! Make 2007 the year where you will develop your self-confidence and esteem! My daughter is 17 and during the past year she has completely changed her ~ she was shy and self-conscious. I told her that you only get one shot at life and to take every opportunity. That she has done and its amazing how she has blossomed over the past year! you CAN do the same! Good Luck!
2007-01-04 04:31:38 · answer #6 · answered by KAZ M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was in the same situation. i don't really know how i came out it it. i started being more social when i got a job. i think when you work and talk to many different types of people you become more secure about yourself. it helps to develop good friendships because once you have them you dont mind being yourself around them. other then that the only thing i can say is that with time your shyness will go away. you finally get tired of it after a while.
2007-01-04 04:22:02 · answer #7 · answered by Sleepyguy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you should bother with what other people think. its what you think that matters most. your only 16, i wish i was that age again. you have all your life in front of you, so much you have not seen or experienced yet. hopefully so many good times to come.
the main thing is to be true to yourself, if you do that then you can never go wrong or be influenced by others. life is not about the amount of breaths we take....but its about the moments that take our breath away!
2007-01-04 04:30:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was never like that but i had a friend and he was like that and i got tired of him holding me out of fun things like wrestling and being a total idiot (which can be fun) so one day i told him where he can go and that if he doesn't follow the crowd he would be left behind for ever and not to care whats the worst that can happen some messed up retard s you who cares I'm a loner i have always been one i don't fit in and when ever some one doesn't like it i tell them to shove it becouse no matter how odd you are you can always get friends i only have three but ther the best friend a guy could ask for no one can be friend with evrey one
2007-01-04 04:29:44 · answer #9 · answered by cthulhu will raise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who's normal when they are 16??? What I recommend you do, is give yourself daily affirmations... in other words look in the mirror and say positive things to yourself.. this will help build your self esteem... and once you have built up your self esteem... be yourself..! A true friend, will like you for who you are... ~Princess~
2007-01-04 04:20:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋