Why do other kids have to point out things to my son?

Question

I am raising my son to not see a difference in anyone such as a race. He has always played with all kids that are of different races. Well when he started going to Kindergarten other kids had to point it out to him that so and so is black. I cannot stand this. My son always said kid now if the kid is black he will say black well really he says brown.

I know he is 5 years old but he says he has a girlfriend (you know how that it) and she is black but he says she is brown and kids pick on him cause he likes this little girl. I see no problem in black and white but why don't other parents teach their kids that we are all the same?

Answer 1

I am glad that you are teaching your kid all these values, I applaud you, one thing that you also need to teach your son is that, we are not all the same. There are people who will make fun of others for no reason, there are soo many types of people.
Do not let him feel like he offends people by saying black, there is nothing wrong with that.
Celebrate difference

Answer 2

First of all skin color whether YOU want to acknowledge it or not IS a difference between the races. Just as a person in a wheel chair is different to a person who walks. A pearson wearing glasses is different than a person who doesn't wear glasses. A male is different from a female. Humans ARE different from one another, whether YOU want to admit it or not. We can not all be treated "alike" because of these differences. Would you expect a person with no use of their legs to get out of a wheel chair and RUN a marathon? Would you ask a person with 20/20 vision to put on eye shades so they couldn't see and then leave them on a street corner telling them to find their own way home? Parents don't teach their children that everyone is the same because we are not. We are all individuals, some with subtle differences some with more pronounced differences. Kids will pick on other kids for all different reasons in the animal kingdom, (and YES humans ARE animals of the homosapien genus), this is a part of the "survival of the fittest" testing. This year your son is being teased, next year it will be another child, maybe because that other child has a "funny" accent. None the less we are ALL different, not the same. If we were all the same life would be totally boring and there would nothing to learn nothing interesting to talk/debate about, life would not be worth living.

Answer 3

I have this same problem with many things my son is picking up in daycare and can only imagine what will come with kindergarten. It is a problem with the parents, some parents are just ignorant and some are lazy or just don't give a damn. I am appalled at some of the things I see these kids saying and doing. There was actually an instance where a 3 year old boy was holding a piece of bark and telling me it was a "shank"...we haven't gotten to the race thing yet but we are dealing with weapons and that's really scary to me. Turns out this kids father is an avid "gamer" and who the hell knows what else. Parents need to grow up and expand their minds as to what they are doing to society through what they are teaching their children. Gays shouldn't have to fight to be gay, races shouldn't be separated and we should be focusing on our children and not our differences and someday those differences won't even matter. Sorry to preach but it gets irritating when I do the best I can to help my son to become a valuable member of society and other parents are getting in the way of that. Best of luck and I guess we will just have to work harder with our kids.

Answer 4

The thing is, kids are mean and immature. They're kids. They see people who are obviously different, and their built-in bigotry starts dividing the playground into opposing parties. It's a human thing, not necessarily an issue of racist parents. If there's only one kid who picks up from his parent's subconscious reactions that black people are a different class from him, he'll pass that idea on to the rest of the kids, and they'll polarize. Soon the idea takes on a life of its own, and full-on racism could bloom like a mushroom cloud. It's a basic human fault, like the way religion or class divides people into factions blinded by hate.
Luckily we have our barrage of tolerance from the media today to stamp that out of them.
It might be a good idea to bring up the fact that kids are picking on your son's girl friend among the other parents. Don't make any direct accusations, because that puts parents on the defensive. No one wants to believe anything ill about their child. However, if they realize there might be a problem, some concerned parents might make an effort to better educate their children, and the teachers might give the class a lecture on morals.

Answer 5

It might not be so much that other kids are pointing things out to him. He is getting to an age where he might be noticing things differently himself. My daughter did that when she was 5 too!

She came home from first grade one day and said she had a new friend named Joey Ramirez. Then she said, "he has brown skin and it's very soft." ( I thought that was cute that she said his skin was soft)

Based on the name, I thought the kid was Latino.

The next class party I went to school and right away I noticed the new little boy. There were only 14 kids in the class and in our school system 99% of all the kids were midwest American and white. That's just how it is here.

Turns out her really soft friend was the blackest kid, the blackest person period, that I had ever seen in my life. The little boy was adopted by a local family with the name Ramirez, though his heritage was African.

The mom told me that my daughter wrote him a note the first day he was in class (how cute is that? 5 year olds "writing" notes) She carried it with her in her purse. It said:

"Dear Joey you are nis (nice) I lik (like) you are my fran (friend)."

The mom actually had tears in her eyes because she said her kids (9 total, all adopted and racially mixed) were teased really bad at their old school and that note made her little boy feel so good the first day at his new school.

My daughter has always had friends of different races. I have always taught her to respect the individual person and not judge on color or appearance. She has stood up for kids being picked on and has made it known that she likes people for people and not for their whitness or anything else.

You are doing the right things with your son. Keep it up. For now you might get a book and point out to him how people look really different but they all are the same on the inside. You sound like a good mom!

Answer 6

Because kids notice how things are different, it's a primary learning mechanism in the human.

He's bound to have noticed the differences, you'd be better off teaching him the value in cultural differences and to respect those differences.

Every parent has the right to raise their children as they see fit. It is sad and pathetic, that they'd teach their kids to be bigoted. However, it's a wonderful learning opportunity for you and your child, on how to deal with prejudice. It's going to be a part of his life regardless of how you raise him. It's not even just race, but background, finances, how people dress, or worship.

Answer 7

Well it's a tough question and there's not an answer on here. There are a LOT of people out there who are racist and there always will be. It's just something you have to educate your son on and hope that in time he will make the right decisions. Racism will never go away. It's been around since the down of man, that tribe wears fish bones, ours wears deer antlers and we hate em for it. That tribe lives on the plains and we live in the forest. The Indians found reasons to war with each other, the europeans found reasons to war with each other and everyone around them. Believe it or not it is in our genetic code to hate.

Answer 8

I commend you on wanting to raise your child color blind, it is an awesome task to do so. Well unfortunately we live in the real world which does include racism. If you hear that this is going on at your son's school why don't you speak with the teacher and/or the principal. Why don't you ask your son to point out the children and speak with their parents. This is a form of harrasment and in public schools today it is illegal and if the teachers and facualty are letting this happen you need to go to the board of education.

Answer 9

all because he is saying a person is white or black or green or what ever to describe to u the person does not mean he is being racist. he is 5 years old and is noticeing the difference in color just like if he was telling u about a child with glasses. doesnt mean he is being mean. its a fact... there are black kids and white kids and so on. there are people with braces, glasses, and more. just make sure ur child knows that there is nothing wrong with black or whites or glasses and so on. no one is the same. we are ALL different. thats like saying how come my son always talks about the kids with blonde hair and assumeing he is being preduice cause he has brown hair. NO he is describing a difference and that is ok as long as it is not referring that all "black" "glasses wearing" or what ever are bad or what ever. calm down and talk with ur child and make it clear that everyone is special and not to dislike because they are different. its ur job to lay the foundation and he will learn from YOU most of all.

Answer 10

Sadly many parents don't give a crap about raising their kids to respect others.. as a matter of fact, those kids probably mimic their parents behaviors... Just let your son know that everybody is the same and just like a beautiful rainbow we all come in different shapes and colors... and remind him he should get to know a person for who they are not for what their color happens to be... ~Princess~