How would you handle this hypothetical situation?

Question

I say hypothetical, 'cause my kids are grown and on their own now.
You have a 12 yr old son, and lately his attitude is not what it used to be. He used to be polite, always chattering about his day at school, his friends, etc. Lately, though, he is withdrawn, sullen moody, answers in grunts and one syllables, IF you can get that out of him. He's always looking to pick an argument with his parents, and flies off the handle over every little thing. You've asked him what's wrong, considered counselling, (he flat out refuses to go), and grounded him and taken away privileges until he starts turning his attitude around again.

Do you think drugs may be involved, although you've had the talk several times with him? What would YOU do?

How does one KNOW if it's just hormones or if it's something more serious like drugs?

He's not into sports much. Baseball in the summer, is all.

Would calling the school to find out if he's being bullied only make things worse for him, do you think?

Answer 1

I would speak with him about the changes in his behavior, why they concern me, and ask him if anything were going on that I as his parent should know about. I would offer to take him to see a child psychologist if he was having problems or concerns he did not feel he could discuss with me. If his behavior did not improve, I would compel him into therapy (he's only 12, after all), and give the therapist a fair chance to establish a trusting relationship with him.

Perhaps drugs are involved, or perhaps he is depressed, or perhaps he is being bullied at school, or perhaps the 'tude is all just part of a normative developmental process. I would think long and hard before submitting him to a drug test or tossing his room, both of which I would find immensely distasteful.

Answer 2

probably not.

He's just now discovered that society doesn't care about him, that he could have been aborted at a whim.
All of his friends are different than he, and he has withdrawn - they can't possibly accept him the way you do; but you are the (gasp) "enemy", so that can't work for him, either.
I would take a real close look at what he is listening to, music wise - some genres are really destructive. I would also check out his personal habits - is he showering, brushing his teeth, eating normally? Or is he foul,and on purpose.? The crowd that he may be hanging with could have ensnared him, influencing his personal habits.
Last, and maybe MOST important - is there an "evil presence" or sneering "hate"? This would indicate to me involvement in witchcraft,ouija, spells and spellcrafting.
Check his room thoroughly!

Answer 3

He's 12...hormones are kicking in, that happens with most kids and most of us went through a time like that. Just keep an eye on him and keep steering him in the right direction, even if he doesn't seem to listen or want to. If he becomes very *secretive* over things, like actively trying to keep something from you or making sure not to let you know what he's doing on the computer, etc, then I would worry more and look further into it...

Answer 4

You don't punish somebody for the way they feel. You talk to them. You provide circumstances where he is comfortable, and activities that you know he enjoyed before the sullenness.

You assume the best of people, not the worst. Presume he is a good kid, and treat him like he is. Drugs don't make kids sullen. I took drugs and so did all my friends, and we were never moping around our families. Love them and let them talk. Do not preach about anything ever. Think about what must be going through their mind when they listen to you drone on about stuff they don't care about. You just make them hate you and you make them feel less understood all the time.

Back off! Let them learn that you love them no matter what. But mean it.

Answer 5

That is a possibility. Has Something traumatic happened recently? Find out what it is and please don't falsely accuse him. That wil alienate him and he will definitely shut down.

Check with his teacher and school counselor to see if the same thing is happening there as well and have him drug tested, if all else fails! See who he is hanging around with, let him invite them over, so that you can observe them and get to know their parents. Check his room inside out, kids are not entitled to that much privacy, for their own good and SNOOP! See what he is reading or listening to and Ban anything that violates your standards and set boundaries. Talk to him and learn to listen and not get on a soapbox. You have a right to know as his parent.

Boys at this age do loose literal brain cells as they approach their teen years. He will not regain his right mind until around age 21... By all means go to counseling.

Answer 6

It sounds like puberty, or problems at school. Drugs wouldn't make him do that. If you see a change in his physical appearance, like he's losing alot of weight, then I'd say drugs. But, at 12, he's probably just got "teen angst". The normal problems......getting picked on at school, failing classes, girls turning him down when he asks them out, not making friends easily. A lot of these issues will make a kid extremely withdrawn. I know, because it happened to me.

Answer 7

When he is gone, search his room. See if you find any evidence of drugs etc. Try to talk to him sincerely about what may be bothering him. Sometimes parents or step parents can be a problem. They are not all what they should be you know. I would probably worry about drugs or depression. Sometimes a little upset can last a week or two but after that I would worry. I don't like to invade someones privacy but as a parent sometimes you have to.

Answer 8

I would honestly look at the situation this way:

Ironicaly, he wants to talk to you. He just refuses to talk because he feels he isnt heard. He probably wants YOU to understand why he is this way. Boys have this problem. He wants to talk about it, but you need to figure out why he is acting this way and what needs to be disgused. there is a deeper issue on why he is acting this way. It is your responsibility as a parent to find out why. I assure you, the more you get angry at this, the more he will get angry at you for not understanding. I know it sounds complex. Two of my siblings where this way until i finaly got down to it. now they are fine.

Answer 9

I have two boys, 13 and 14, and have gone through this with both of them. It is a normal part of the developmental process in adolescents, and nothing to be worried about. All I could do was be supportive, patient, and there for them when they needed me. If I pestered them, they withdrew even more.

Answer 10

yes drugs. sounds like more than testosterone. does he play sports or get intense exercise? consider that because if not it could be the testosterone. just to be carfeful discourage suspicous friends and keep a damn tight leash on him. you have to spend time with him now are you will see slide into hell.