I am dating this guy who has brought a zest back to my life. He helps me be a better me. He supports me on any decision I make whether I like the supports he gives or not (meaning not getting my way), he’s honest, and he keeps me laughing. He loves kids (his 2), and my two really likes him. When it comes to finical responsibility, he has that down packed. He tries to not be in debt, and he is a hard worker who likes to plan for the future. Sometimes he works so hard you have to wonder will your relationship be put on the back burner because of it. The problem is when it comes to the mental and emotional side of things he don’t have it. He likes to be in control. Not in control of you, but in control of a situation. Like if we argue he does not answer the phone when I call once or twice and when I stop calling he sends me a message to get me to respond just to ignore me some more. He does not ever admit fault, and blames me for almost everything.
2007-01-03 18:06:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Even if I say I see where I went wrong, and we talk about where I went wrong, but he just listens to me when his wrong comes up, but he says nothing. No I’m sorry, I will do better next time nothing. I have now called things off for the 2nd time, but I am truly in love with him. I have been with other guys and everything, but I can’t get over him even though I don’t let him know that. My question is how can he be so good at one thing and very bad at the other, and also what am I to do since I can’t get over him. We are at another point where we are not speaking to each other. A few months pass, we have a really great time then we go right back to this.
2007-01-03 18:06:39 · update #1
He seems like a pretty good guy, so I think it's definitely worth trying to work things out and at the same time it absolutely cannot continue the way you guys live now. So I would present this to him just like that. Tell him that you love him and you truly want this relationship to continue, at the same time, it cannot and will not continue if you guys have to repeat these mistakes. Ask him if this relationship is worth it to him to keep working on it, is he willing to listen, to sometimes admit when he's wrong, go to counseling if necessary? Make sure you ask him all this when you guys are on speaking terms and he's not mad at you. If you get a straight answer out of him, that should tell you what to do next. If he still says he's always right and that's the way he is and he's not going to change, then you need to move on, no matter how hard it is. If he truly gets that he needs to shape up or he will loose you for good this time, and he is willing to make some changes, then you too need to be patient with him, people don't change overnight. One critical thing to this is before you even start this conversation with him, you need to decide for yourself that if you do not get the answer you need for this relationship to continue that you will be willing to finish it and never look back. If you truly decide that this is how it's going to be, then he'll see your determination and will think about it for real. Otherwise he'll figure he can still get you mad at him, then wait and get back with you later. He needs to understand that this is the last shot and that the ball is in his court whether he wants this to happen or not.
Well, here's your long answer for the long question... :O)
Good luck.
2007-01-03 18:23:52 · answer #1 · answered by yishor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this one thing is really important to you and so it should as it demeans you and gives him the upper hand and so you don't have an equal partnership and that is unfair to you.
Tell him that if he can't face this issue and try to fix it than it is Bye Bye...if he really cares about you he will attempt to make changes...and if he doesnt then you don't want to be with him anyway cause he doesnt really care enough about you or your relationship with him.
Make sure it isnt about him being right or wrong but about equality in the relationship.
Good luck though cuase it takes an emotionally strong guy to come down of this sort of thinking.
2007-01-03 18:14:42 · answer #2 · answered by ponygaloz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to tell you ..... he is ...ughhhhhhhhhhhh ... very arrogant and full of pride. He is also a control freak. He is most likely not aware of these things.
personally, I would move on while it is easy to do so .... I do not know that you can have a truly long term successful relationship with this type of person .... his personality issues seem to be the only reason you are apart ...... so the future soes not look bright in my view of things ....
life goes on ..... there is someone better out there for you ....
(^-^)
2007-01-03 18:19:13 · answer #3 · answered by diem n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to start communicating, and NOT while you're mad at each other. See if the relationship is worth it, on both ends, to make a lot of changes and some serious work. If it is, pull together and get through it. If not, find somebody else.
2007-01-03 18:11:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has this man ever had a severe head injury or has he been like this his whole life?? Leave him alone. He is immature and will never change. RUN LIKE HELL!!! I IMPLORE YOU!!! You will be unhappy the rest of your life if you even entertain the idea of a future with this shallow being. My general prediction would be that you will continue to beat yourself up wondering what you could've done different, because why?? You UPSET HIM??
2007-01-03 18:22:52 · answer #5 · answered by buckster_beaver 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like he has control over his responsibility's - which is a good thing, but you need him to open up to emotions otherwise its just a duty that he's doing, your staying together because its comfortable and not for love (from his side).
You need to stand up to him and TELL him that he might be perfect when it comes to handling the banking but when it comes to handling your relationship he SUCKS! You need him to open up otherwise your never going to grow together!
Good luck, he really sounds like a good person!
2007-01-03 18:17:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to be brutal, but hopefully, you will think on it. He is a conniver and he's using psychological abuse on you to keep you under control even though you can't see it right now; you're probably wondering how I know this....because my ex-husband was exactly the same way. He wouldn't take responsibility for his faults, they were always mine. Your BF will show you what you want to see, like supporting you on decisions...that is his way of controlling things too; as long as he feels you trust him, he will continue to treat you as he has been....men like him don't change....my ex hasn't....4 yrs after our divorce and he still acts like a jackass. DON'T CONTINUE TO BE HIS PUPPET!!
2007-01-03 18:20:38 · answer #7 · answered by AngelEyes In SF 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Control freak. He blames you for almost everything? Ignores you? That is childish and cruel and will suck all of the life out of you in the end. Get the hell out of there. Do not try to work this out - it will always be your fault from his perspective.
2007-01-03 18:16:56 · answer #8 · answered by pelikandaughter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to get back together with him then yous will need couples counseling for the communication problems :) :) :)
2007-01-03 18:13:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree, you need to go through counseling. He has issues he needs to deal with and maybe you can help him open up.
2007-01-03 18:15:51 · answer #10 · answered by chelow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋