my boyfriend is a married man?

Question

Before you interpret my story the wrong way please try to understand it. I have been with a married man for 2 years. And he tells me he loves me but that his kid is very important to him. He says I mean a lot to him that he does not want me to leave him, but he would understand if I did. He is a caring and loving man. He even told me he knew I wanted a ring for xmas but that a diamond necklace was a symbol of his love for me.
That things would be so much easier if she "wife" was to leave him. that maybe by her getting fed up with him would make things move faster. Should I wait guys?? I do feel he loves me. We have been trough a lot together. You might think this question is crazy but again I am just a woman deeply in love. friends say he does love me that he sacrifices not going to work to be with me many times. That if he was just playing around he wouldnt be with me for this long almost 2 1/2 years. Should I wait for him? :(

Answer 1

"he sacrifices not going to work to be with me many times"
of course he rather play then go to work. that just means hes lazy. he's cheating on his wife? what makes you think he won't cheat on you when you two finally get married if you do. you could be so much happier with a guy who isn't already MARRIED. he doesn't respect his wife, his family, himself, or you. instead of giving you an engagement ring he gave you a necklace. you're gonna be the girlfriend for a long time it seems. it doesn't seem like he's gonna leave his wife for awhile.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

How do you feel saying that "my boyfriend is married"?
I see you are falling for the same line "staying for the children". Don't you know that "staying for the children" is one of the oldest lines married men use to continue to screw the other woman? He has been with you for 2 1/2 years and have not left the home yet? The kids is no excuse. If he was so concern about his kids, he wouldn't be cheating in the first place (which can possibly destroy his family). Should you wait on this guy you ask? Well, that's your decision. Do you want to continue to be his girlfriend for the next umpteen years and hope that he leaves? If you answer is yes, then stay.
Just think about how you would feel if your husband had a girlfriend on the side. Find someone that is on your level (single) because it has been almost 3 years and this man does not have any intentions on leaving his wife.

Answer 4

My aunt dated a married man for 19 years. When they first started dating, his excuse for not leaving his wife was the kids. His kids became adults and guess what, he was still at home with the wife. When my aunt questioned him about leaving his wife since they had been together for at that time 17 years, his response was he and his wife had been together for so many years, have raised their children and they have invested in so much together (home, cars, life insurance, etc.) that he would rather just date her (my aunt). They continued to date for all 2 years after that and guess what... my aunt is an old maid now, never married, never had kids (which she wanted). She wasted 19 years with a man that kept promising her that he would leave his wife once the children are grown and he never did.
I gave you the situation about my aunt to say that you may as well look forward to another 2, 3, 7, 9, 10 years with this man because he will not leave his wife. If most men are unhappy in a relationship regardless if there's children or not, they will leave and do what they have to do in order to have contact with their children (child support, visitation). Stop wasting your time with him and remember what goes around comes around. Relationship that starts out this way, will never work. So even if you two did hook up the chances of the relationship surviving will be slim.

Answer 5

Most married men say they want to leave or plan to leave and staying for the children but that is a bunch of bull. If he loved you that much, he should leave his wife because if his children finds out about his cheating, they will have hate for him. He can leave his wife and have visitation rights and pay child support. It's been almost 3 years, and he is still at the house with wife. If noone has never told you, this man is having his cake and eating it to. He can get sex within the home and outside of the home the only thing is he is connected to one woman and the woman is not you. Give him an ultimatum. If he does not leave his wife and constantly uses his kids as an excuse, then you have your answer; He does not plan to leave his wife.

Answer 6

I believe that in the end, it doesn't matter whether or not he really loves you, he cannot give you what you really want, and that is, a committment. It doesn't matter what he says, it doesn't matter how sweet he may be, it doesn't matter if he doesn't love his wife, he's still married to her. I know this is a struggle, and it's very hard for you. Breaking up with someone that you love is the hardest thing to do, but since you are asking for advice, I say, break it off. Stop seeing him. You don't have to hate him, you can end it on good terms, but end it. If someday he is available, and you are too, then you can see where it goes from there. I've seen this same situation so many times in real-life. I'm not going to sit in judgment of you, but I will say that for him, or any other married person, it is extremely selfish and cruel to involve another person and get them into a love triangle. I couldn't count how many men and women I've heard say that they can't leave "because of their kids." or some other excuse, which may be true, but if they can't leave they should tough it out. I don't think he's playing with you, but I do think that the position he has put you in, is terrible. Sure you had choices, but only he knows what he's going to do, meanwhile you sit around and wonder. Don't leave this decision up to him. Leave him to deal with his situation, if you stick around, it makes it too easy for him (not) to face reality.

Answer 7

I honestly do not want to hurt your feelings, but this is the way I see things. Of course he tells you he loves you - he doesn't want you to leave him, and he is using the excuse that his son is very important to him as a reason to why he can't leave his wife. And, I'm sure that his son IS very important to him. But think about it - his son is still going to be his son whether he is with his wife or someone else. I'm sure that he is smart enough to realize that sooner or later you are going to get tired of things the way they are, and this is a way for him to keep the relationship going, at least for a little while longer. He says that he would understand if you left him - maybe he is getting tired of the guilt of cheating on his wife, and if you were to end the relationship, he wouldn't have to, nor would he have to look like the bad guy if you were the one to end it. As far as not giving you a ring for x-mas and giving you a necklace instead, that is because a ring would symbolize a committment, an impending engagement, marriage, etc. and that would be too much for him to handle right now - after all, he IS already married. A necklace is merely a gift - it does not imply any type of committment as would a diamond ring. I would not wait around - he is simply leading you on for as long as you will put up with the situation. And who knows, maybe his wife has no intention of leaving him. Some women will stay in a bad marriage just because they don't want to be alone, or they don't want to give up the beautiful home, nice cars, jewelry, vacations, social status, etc. The list goes on and on. I would say move on and stop wasting your time; find someone who can be 100% available to you. You deserve at least that much. The reason he sacrifices not going to work in order to be with you is (not to be blunt, but) probably because he is looking forward to the sex he will be having with you. You say he has been with you for 2 1/2 years - he will continue to be with you as long as you are willing to put up with the situation and are willing to continue having sex with him. He has got it made - all the comforts and stability of married life - a wife, home, someone to cook, clean, and take care of his son, etc. plus he has you on the side for occasional fun and exciting sex. But what do you have? Not much if you are seeing a married man. You are being severly short-changed here, and frankly, I don't know why you are willing to put up with it. Besides, even if he did leave his wife or she left him, and the two of you were able to be together on a full time basis, what guarantee do you have that he won't cheat on you? Unfortunately, none. If he is cheating on his wife, he will cheat on you as well. Sadly, that is reality. If you are on Yahoo Answers asking if you should wait for him, you already know the answer to that question. Stop wasting your life already and leave him. Find someone that can be available to you 100% of the time and committed to only you. You will be much happier in the long run, trust me.

Answer 8

No, no, no. Listen honey, people are always waiting for another. I've done it, you're doing it, ask anyone, they've all done it. Listen to me...IT'S NOT WORTH IT. First of all, if you meant enough to him he would have already done it. Second, if he is doing this **** to his wife, what makes you think he is not going to do it to you? Third, you are wasting your time. While he's screwing around beating around the bush you could be happy with an unmarried man who has full intention to be with you and only you. You need to realize that there is more out there. It doesn't seem like he's real about what he wants. You deserve better...even if you are screwing a guy that is married. Best of luck to you.
P.S. You need to follow your heart and what YOU feel is right for YOU. Don't ask for advice, and then not follow it, even if it's something you don't want to hear.

Answer 9

I don't think he's "playing around" per se. He seems to be jeopardizing his whole way of life by being with you. However - he is unwilling or unable (or both) to leave this way of life to be with you. It's a tough choice to make, I wouldn't judge you or him on the spot - but be careful with whom you offer your heart to. It sounds to me like he doesn't exactly want to give up what he has in order to be with you - although, he also doesn't want to give you up in order to be fully committed to his family. He simply wants the best of both worlds, which has been working for him for a while. He would be unhappy to give up either part of his life (his wife and kid, on the one hand - and you, on the other). I don't know about you - but I would have a hard time trusting a man that only puts 50% of his loyalty into his relationship with me. It wouldn't really matter if he "loved" me or not - or if I "loved" him. Ultimately, I would want a relationship where I could count on 100% committment. The 50% simply would not cut it. Figure out what's important to you. If you are fine with just 50%, then perhaps he is the man for you.

Answer 10

My Lord, are you kidding me? Please tell me you are. What kind of friends do you have to think this guy loves you. I have a good friend that dates married guys and has even fallen in love with one. The end result is ALWAYS the same. The man will never leave his wife for the mistress. Why should he? You're giving him everything he needs, so what does he have to lose by staying with his wife. And you believe the junk he feeds you. My little dear girl, snap out of your dreams, he will NEVER leave his wife for you. Do not waste your time, find a real man who will be yours only, have your own family and move on from this QUICKLY. You will find yourself one day- old, undesireable to men and your biological clock will have runned out. Why? Because you were a foolish little girl, clouded by blinded thoughts. Your friends are probably jelous of you and love to see you stuck in such a mess. No real friend would give such horrible advice- unless, they are fools as well.