My ex and I broke up, he won't return my calls. How do I move on?

Question

My ex and I broke up on November 12th, which of course is horrible timing with the holidays being right around the corner! Anyway, this breakup has been very hard on me because he and I were planning to get engaged over the holidays. We were only together for 6 months but that was long enough for us to fall in love and believe we were soulmates. But towards the end, we fought a lot and several red flags kept showing up, so when we broke up it was mutual, and amicable. Two weeks after we broke up I called him and the conversation went ok, and he wasn't opposed to the idea of being friends when I asked him. When I was about to hang up, I asked when he wanted to talk again, and he said a week later. So I called him a week later but he never called me back. I have since called and emailed him several times (not every day but about once a week) and he hasn't picked up the phone or returned my messages even once.

I don't understand this, since last time we spoke he said he wanted to keep in touch. I know he's just probably trying to move on, but I would like it if he'd just pick up the phone and tell me how he feels, instead of ignoring my calls. He and I are both 30 by the way, so we're not kids and I wanted to have an adult conversation about everything just so I could get some closure. A lot of the heartache has gone away since it's been 2 months now, but I still have a desire to communicate with him. Any ideas?

Answer 1

As you said he has prob. moved on and have found someone else and wants to totally forget about you or anything that reminds him of you. Or maybe he got hurt so bad that he couldn't handle it and is crying on his mamas lap, in that case give him time to heal. But stop wasting your time, move on already

Answer 2

I'm in the same exact position.. sorta.

It's hard, but it sounds like he's being unfair to you. Maybe this is his way to move on, but I know it hurts and I've been there. If you ever want to call him or talk to him, do something else... like go for a jog or call up a friend. Join some clubs, even a gym and try to meet new people. In time the hurt will fade, and the closure will come. Wait a good month or so, maybe even longer and try to call one last time. If he doesn't respond, write him an email explaining how you felt and that you won't take it anymore. Be strong. If you want to talk to someone who's going through the same thing, email me. [e-mail]

I'd be happy to talk with you :)

Answer 3

Raise the bar on yourself. It seems that you are somewhat desperate for a relationship..especially with the ex. You are in a vulnerable position. If you appear wanton then you lose a lot of appeal to a man. You must pick yourself up as soon as possible. By that I mean. You can go out to the movies by yourself. You can stay home an evening by yourself. You are perfectly fine and independant by yourself. Be independant. I don't mean you don't need someone. That is not the point. If you stop calling him cold turkey. You have a chance. You need to let this guy know you can and have the mind to 'do without'. That possibly puts you in a position that will, in my opinion, make him curious and desireable. A man is really attracted to a woman who is 'just out of reach'. I know it sounds like a little game...and it is in a sense. Any good relationship will absolutely go through a trial like this. Remember...he liked you and you liked him before things became the 'norm'. Also..don't give yourself up to easily and maby not at all. Make the guy date you. If you think he is worth it..then please consider the previous comments. Wish you the best from Seattle.

Answer 4

He probably still has feelings for you in some way and is trying to move on by not talking to you. Just give it time and you yourself go out and have fun and just try to get your mind off things. Meet new friends and just do what makes you happy. If there are any guys that you have wanted to maybe pursue, now would be the time, if not, then write me and I can talk to you until you find someone. I am always up for making new friends, you can never have too many!

Answer 5

I went through something like this once. The only thing that will make this better is time. You might want to keep a journal just so you have a way to vent your frustrations and hurt. But you really have to try to move on....I know...easier said than done. Go out with girlfriends. Anything to keep your mind busy, but don't contact him again, it will only hurt your feelings and make the pain fresh again. BTW: I met a new guy and now have been happily married for 10 years. I saw that guy once and he doesn't look like he's doing all that well.

Answer 6

Being a guy I can tell you it is really hard to be just "friends" with someone that you were involved with because you are normally still attracted to them and if he is going to be an asshole and say he wants to keep in touch and then not return your phone calls then it's his loss just get over him and move on with your life and find another guy

Answer 7

You sound like me...except I annoy the hell out of the other guys by calling them every day cuz well I had nothing else better to do! Anyways...just call him again a month later maybe he just needs a little space since it wasn't that long ago.

Answer 8

It is very hard to be friends with someone u were really close too and that deep into the relationship. Unfortunately it is time to move on no matter what, hang with friends, do stuff u like to do, just know that dont force the friends issue with him. If ur friends then your friends but dont occupy yourself with it for very long.

Answer 9

i know exactly how you feel. me and my boyfriend were going out for about 2 years. then right before the holidays he broke up with me and promised we'd stay friends. So i'd try and call him even though i was heartbroken and he totally ignored me. and i couldnt get over him and i dont think i ever fully will but what i did to get him off my mind was always be busy. whether i was scrapbooking or out wiht the family or just taking a walk i just tried to always stay busy. hope it helps. and sorry about what happened.

Answer 10

I think you need to give him time. Don't keep contacting him - let him contact you when he is ready. If you suddenly stop trying to reach him he will wonder why and think you have moved on, this always hurts the ego and he will then probably phone you to ask why you have not called. Let him think you are quite fine without him and he will be curious as to what you are up to that you haven't phoned him.