Should couples share the expenses?

Question

I use to have a boyfriend that would give me a 'code' so I knew when to bring along money... it was a complete turn-off.

In most relationships that I have had - I always expected the guy to pay for everything and then every once in a while I would pay for dates we had.

In my current relationship we go about half and half on expenses. We live about 300 miles apart so whenever he comes down here I pay for food, entertainment, and whatever else... and when I go out there he pays.

I'm just curious, how many people think that this setup is kosher...

Oh and one more question: Do you think it's odd for someone to get turned off when the subject of money comes up in a conversation?

Answer 1

No money discussions are a turn off for me too.

Sounds like you have a good set up now. I always did it according to who asked who. If I invited a guy to meet me at the movies i would offer to pay but if he asked me I would assume he was going to pay but took money just in case. Of course nowadays more people pay for themselves so there is no feeling of obligation to "pay back". Your current setup though sounds very fair.

Answer 2

I think couples should share the expenses. I don't think one person should have to pay for everything, especially if both are employed and/or have their own income.

If one is unemployed or underemployed, there still should be a discussion as to activiites that you both can enjoy without one person feeling like they are being taken advantage of and one person feelng like someone is doing them a favor.

It's all about sharing and communication more than money.

I think the situation you describe is cool. Is there an equal amount of sharing? Do you both keep tabs on what you spend? If one of you goes over the set amount, is there a discussion prior to said activity/dinner, that may put you over? It sounds like you may be a little miffed with financial participation in YOUR social life.

The subject of money is generally not a turn off, however, if
a person keeps bringing it up it can be a turn off. It can make you sound money hungry if you want the other person to spend spend spend and it makes you seem selfish if you won't / refuse to do the same.

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Answer 3

I think your relationship Is fine, you pay here and he pays there and It seems like you meet In the middle most days. Unless he Is sitting on a pot of gold or somethin, this Is the way of life sweetie. I'm just glad to hear that a guy out there Is actually putting forth effort to pay at all. For money to be a turn off sounds like some type of financial problems that your having. Maybe your not where you want to be financially In life. Try not to focus on money so much. Getting all stressed out about money starts drama and you could lose something that's good and you'll regret It when you look back....good luck!!

Answer 4

I have always been up for paying if it calls for it. Basically, if I'm suggesting it, I am opening it up for me to pay if he doesn't offer. But if he suggests it, then he should pay.
But.... here's what I have been treated to and have liked over the past 6 years with my "now" fiance.
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His dad taught him to never let the girl pay. So while we were initially dating he paid for almost everything. We were both in college and he wasn't rich or anything, so after some time I started offering.
I dont know if we actually talked about it, but it sort of became that he would pay for most things, but when he was short on cash or shouldn't be spending his cash, if I had money to go out I would pay.
Now he still pays for most of the things we do. I offer to cover things when I feel he's low or just to surprise him. Its nice to be treated like this and to reciprocate that back. I grew up poor, so it was definitely a nice feeling being taken care of that way. Does that help?

P.S. I could understand getting turned off when talking about money...I usually get turned off when the issue is presented to me in a stressful way. Just try and talk about the subject when you guys feel calm.

Answer 5

I think thats a good way to go out. In the old days men made lots more money but now days women and men are more equal. I dont expect a first date to ever help pay. But after I have been seeing someone for a while and we are getting serious its a big help. As for the turn off thing thats normal. It can even turn me off if a girl started talking about money issues to me.

Answer 6

i think its normal. deep down i feel like if the guy really wanted to be with me he would offer to pay for everything. but i always get these cheap guys with no money and a crappy job that never want to do anything cause they have no money. i always end up footing the bill or not going out at all. the current guy i'm seeing is about 50/50 which is great according to my previous experiences. so you have to find out what your comfortable with. by the way i know people where the wife works and husband stays at home and they are completely ok with it. so to each his own.

Answer 7

At a time when women demand equal rights and often make better money than men it is a bit hypocritical to expect the guy to pay. But I'm very old fashioned and am comfortable giving you this double standard, the man pays, but I reserve the right to be a chauvinist pig about my own double standards.

Answer 8

I think it's important as it develops an equal relationship, but also go half and half with the cooking and chores too.
We all need that independent feeling and life skills, so we all should pitch in financially, unless your a parent, then it's nice to have a stay at home parent for the kids
p.s. there's nothing taboo about talking about money...sounds like they have a hangup?
I had a boyfriend who didn't pay for much at all. he didn't last long, hahaha

Answer 9

All depends. Have you two just started dating? I don't see anything wrong with half and half. Who made the rule the guys got to pay it all. Maybe money is tight for him right now. I don't like to discuss money either. It seems so personal unless you've been together for awhile.

Answer 10

I think he should leave a twenty on your pillow before he leaves. No, seriously, you should share expenses, and if the relationship is long-term or serious, the expenses can be shared according to who makes more, but both partners should contribute. I would never let a man pay for all of our dates unless he was a zillionaire.