PLEAZZ...............HAVIN UH BADD DAY, NEED UH LAUGH!
PLEAZZ HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MUAHH
2007-01-03 17:16:52 · 13 answers · asked by YouNg BloNdeE 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.
The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy answered.
"What is it?" she said.
"A puppy!"
2007-01-03 18:42:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."
2007-01-04 15:44:43 · answer #2 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A mother was bathing 2 baby .. after the mother have bathed finish for the baby , the 2 baby laugh because the two baby are twins and the mother bath 2 times for the same baby ..
2007-01-04 01:54:34 · answer #3 · answered by ImperfectPiinkiish♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A rabbi, a priest and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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A bartender hollers at a noisy drunk, "Hey Buddy! You wanna get outta here?"
The drunk says, "Sure, what's in it?"
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An Irishman walks into a bar 7 o'clock on a Saturday night and orders 3 pints of Guinness. The bartender says, "I can bring them out one at a time, ya know.'
The Irishman says, "No, it's a tradition. Right now me two brothers are sittin' in a bar, one in Africa, one in Australia. They each order 3 pints of Guinness, so in our own way we're all drinkin' together every Saturday night."
Next week the same thing, and the week after that--3 pints of Guinness. The following week he orders TWO pints of Guinness.
The bartender catches his breath and says, "Man, I know the tradition, I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry about your brother. What happened?"
"Oh! me brothers are fine! It's just ME! The doctor told me to quit drinkin'!
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And this one's not a joke but it sure helped me survive when things got REALLY bad:
The problems of life are a mighty grindstone
And whether they wear you down
Or polish you up
All depends on the stuff your made of!
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Show 'em what yer made of! Don't let the bastards grind you down! PS: Thanks for the MUAHH! I needed that!
2007-01-04 01:52:06 · answer #4 · answered by petweasel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two words: That's bass-tastic!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6Op3OPItH0
I love Dan Aykroyd.
2007-01-04 01:42:33 · answer #5 · answered by Leafy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
John walks in with two black eyes, his friend Pete asks "How in the world did you get those?" John answers that his wife gave them to him. Pete say "I thought your wife was out of town?" to which John reply's.. "So did I."
I know it's bad.. but right now its all i've got. I hope your day gets better!!
2007-01-04 01:23:24 · answer #6 · answered by DIRI-83 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
how do you make holy water?
you boil the hell out of it
what did the fish say when he hit the wall?
dam!
how did the rocket lose his job?
he was fired
what is invisible and smells like bananas?
monkey farts
2007-01-04 01:23:54 · answer #7 · answered by laura c 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you can't drive, don't drive a car.
If you can't breathe, boy you have five seconds to live!
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Never judge a book by its cover. You want to check the back.
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Yo Mamma so fat when she farted everyone around the world died.
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Yo Mamma was so dumb when she was driving the sign said "One Way" so yo momma went the other way!
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Yo mamma so dumb she though one plus one equaled eleven.
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Yo mamma so poor she was kicking a can one day and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
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Yo mamma so fat she jumped in the grand canyon and caused an earthquake.
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Hope you laughed!
2007-01-04 01:29:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
need a joke go to joke.com
2007-01-04 01:26:36 · answer #9 · answered by todd s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your face.
2007-01-04 01:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by Furious with America 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋