i'm dating this girl and i have a BIG secret that would alter our relationship?

Question

i met this girl in my fall semester of my government class we started dating during the semester and today i have been dating her for about 3 and a half months. she is gorgeous and the perfect girl. i like her alot and she likes me. she is 22 years old and when we met i told her i was 21. i look 21 i act totally mature. the truth is i'm actually only 18 years old. i never told her because i didn't want her not to give me a chance because of my age. and my birthday is coming up in exactly a month, i know she will find out by then. i think i should tell her before because i don't want her to find out the wrong way. but i don't want her to hate me now maybe and think i'm a liar or that. i don't know how to bring it up to tell her, what do i do?

Answer 1

I'd start out by asking if she would ever date somebody younger, in a hypothetical sense. Say "For example, what if I was 18? Would you feel any differently about me?"

Then let the whole discussion turn naturally onto your real age. Point out that you feel and act very mature for your age. I'm sure if she really likes you, a difference of a few years isn't going to be a big deal. She's more likely to be upset that you didn't trust her enough to tell the truth. Say that you were so worried about losing her that you made a bad decision.

I agree - you have to tell her as soon as possible.

Answer 2

Wow that is a tough one. If I were in that situation (meaning if I were the girl who was lied to), I would be extremely upset at first but if she really likes you she might be able to look past it.

However, you also have to consider the fact that any relationship is built on trust. That is the number one thing and if you don't have that you have nothing. Trust comes from being honest with each other no matter what. Obviously you didn't have a relationship with her when you first met her so you weren't trying to maintain any trust because you had just met. If you want to try to salvage the relationship, my advice would be to write her a letter and make her read it when you're not around. I know that sounds like the cowardly way out, but that will give you the chance to say everything you have to say before she blows up at you or cuts you off in mid-sentence. If she reads it when you're not around it will also give her the chance to process it before reacting.

Good luck, I wouldn't blame her for not talking to you for a day or two (or more), so just be understanding. You should have told her when it was obvious that a relationship would be starting, but since it's too late for that just know that you need to be honest from here on out, no matter what!

Answer 3

My son met his future wife when he was planning for his graduation. She thought it was from College and it was actually from High School. He never lied to her and mostly avoided the subject. By the time she found out she was totally hooked on him and her being five years older than him did not matter. It is one of their "how we met and fell in love" favorite stories.
You need to tell her the truth...IMMEDIATELY...she may not be able to get past the fact you started your relationship with a lie. Better for her and you to find out now.

Answer 4

why should your age matter?
I thought my girlfriend was a year older than she was for a year... uh... because she always said she was... sooo... no I wasn't mad, I was just a little embarassed... yea... u should tell her, but in an offhanded manner... don't make her feel stupid, but make sure she thinks she'd been wrong about your age, and that you hadn't lied about it... uh... a rather deceitful awful thing to do which, of course could get you into a lot more trouble no?

sooo... in that case why not try telling her the truth. but don't make a big deal out of it, because it isn't... and say why you lied... make it sound good.

Answer 5

well it isnt THAT bad, atleast your legal

just tell her the truth

"iv been hiding a secret from you, im really 18, but i said i was 21, because i really liked you and was afraid id scare you off"

when you two are alone together in your room, tell her you have a secret to say and its serious, so shell have you "cornered" and you wont be able to coward out of it, then tell her

Answer 6

if u guys r in the same school and same class, doesn't she knows that ur youger?
anyway..........................
i dont think age is a problem at all, unless she sees it differently i mean today i heard on the radio that this guy was dating this lady and 2 times older than him! and this girl that's dating a guy that's 8 years younger that her. but who cares!!!!!!!!!!!!
as long as u love her and she loves u it doesn't matter.
just tell her that i have something important to tell u. and get on with it. and i agree with u telling her before that birthday party.
i'm a girl so i knows
hope dis helps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

She prolly doesnt mind you being younger since she can accept tt you are one year younger. Tell her the truth, she might even feel really cool about it. She would say 'wow, I've always wanted to know what it's like to date a much younger guy!'
haha
No seriously, if she really likes you, she wouldnt mind.

Answer 8

It would be a whole lot better to tell her before your birthday. If you wait until your birthday - then it could shock her and that could end your relationship. You don't want to cause a scene so just tell her now.

Answer 9

You say you are mature but it was a totally immature thing to; lying about your age. But the only thing to do is to be honest with her tell her your age now.

Answer 10

Okay this one is a doozy. She is going to be mad and ade is nothing but a number. How do you know i she would mind? You did not give a choice to see if she would. i would be upset but if i really liked the person it would'nt matter. I would be upset , however b/c the person lied.