how do I handle the family?

Question

My dad, stepmom, and I had a HUGE argument. It was so big in fact that I have not spoken to them for almost 2 years. Within those 2 years, I've had various people in both their families tell me I should make amends, and I've tried explaining the situation but they won't listen. Finally I had to cut off all contact, just to keep the piece. Recently, I've had several of them contact me about coming to a family reunion and just avoiding my dad and stepmom because they really want to see me. Should I go, or just keep away?

We were all at fault, but I have since apologized, and had it thrown in my face. The argument was over my bf, my job, my apartment, etc. I am 21, and was moving out on my own and getting a job near my bf.

more details.... I am not allowed on their property, or within 100 feet of it because of a restraining order (which is stupid, because I don't want to go anywhere near their house). My stepmom is dying, and they're both blaming me.

just realized I didn't mention, it's my stepmom's side of the family.

Answer 1

It sounds like there are a lot of unresolved issues within your family. There doesn't seem to be any unconditional love or trust present, two things which are necessary in sustaining the 'family' bond. Unfortunately those two things are hard to get back no matter what you do.
The reality is, not all families are loving and trusting with one another, and yours is just another one of those families. You, your father, and your stepmother have a lot of unresolved issues, and things will only get worse and more complicated if you attend a family function without resolving matters first. It doesn't sound like any one of you three are ready to forgive and forget, so chances are, no matter how much you try and avoid them at the reunion, you will run into each other. (Any by the way, sometimes resolution does not come by solving your problems, it comes by forgiving and forgetting as they say). If you do not run into each other and spend the whole time avoiding them, it might become awkward for everyone at the reunion, because stale air is always noticeable.
Maybe it's better that you do not attend. Why make matters worse? Your relatives will eventually understand that you made the right decision in not attending, and you will know that you made the right choice.
Time heals all. Sometimes a lot of time has to go by before your family heals, but at least by staying away you will not be creating more bitter memories than already exist. Good luck.

Answer 2

If expert counseling isn't an selection for then you the terrific counseling could be to handle the subject concerns head on they have already been added to the serface and you may now confront it and be offended and unhappy and allow the guy who harm you comprehend the way it has effected you or perhaps nonetheless that individual cant take back what they have executed they are able to be sorry to you and additionally then you may initiate the healing technique jointly as a family individuals. The rift has already started so take great thing approximately it and get all of it out.

Answer 3

Go to the family reunion. No sense in not visiting the rest of the family because of an argument between dad and step mom.

If you run into dad, act like nothing ever happened. say it is good to see him, if he wants he will talk to you then. If he or stepmom start something, just turn and walk away to another family member.

Answer 4

a happy family life is extremely important. It helps to produce happy, healthy individuals and it is the basis of a healthy society.
Due to the laws of nature, the mother generally has had a particular responsibility for the rearing of the children in the early part of their lives, during which time the father has financial responsibility for his family, but there is no reason why roles cannot be reversed or responsibilities shared. It is up to the couple to arrange their lives as they think best. The important thing is that the children receive the love and attention they need to develop happily in mind, body and spirit.
Children are encouraged to associate with people of all races and religions and learn to appreciate the different cultures and the contributions different people have to make. They should learn to respect the ideas of others and to have open minds.

The children are taught to regard themselves as citizens of the world.

Answer 5

This is a personal decision that you have to make for yourself. I would hope that at some point you would put a 2yr old argument aside and reconcile with your family. You said yourself that you were all at fault. Someone has to be the bigger person and make amends. It may be a great way to start a new year in your life....reconciling with family. If you think you can handle it, I think it would be in everyones best interest to end the fued and go back to being a family again.

Answer 6

My family is toxic. For years I thought I was the one with the "issues". I saw them and had a relationship with most of them until I had my daughter. My mother has a narcissistic personality and only cares what others think of her... She belittles me, and puts my siblings on pedestals and they have major issues, they don't work, have a sister that gave up her kids when I was young. The list goes on and on....

But the last time I saw her was in the hospital before the baby was born. She tried to make it all about her and whatever my brother was going through.... I told her that this was going to change... Anyway, she has never seen her granddaughter who is now 15 months. It is definitely her loss..

Do what you need to do for you. Sadly to say, Not all family have our best interest at heart.... No one should through anything in your face specially after the fact that you apologized and tried to defuse the situation.

Answer 7

You should go. If the issue with your stepmother and dad were that tragic, then you should go to see other members of your family and just be polite to your parents. It doesn't hurt anything and it shows that you are big enough to go past the battle and show your support to other members of the family. This may be the last time you ever see some of them, or you may need their support in the future. So don't cut off your nose to spite your face...remain a member of the family---after all, they are the only ones you have.

Answer 8

I can understand a huge fight.I have been in a few.The thing is you could loose your Dad through death and you would never forgive your self....That don,t mean you have to be wrong in the argument,you may have been right,but I think you should attend the family reunion and i think you should see and talk to your dad,you don,t even have to bring up the argument,and see how he reacts,he will probably be happy to see you.....It just shows that you are the bigger person to put thisbehind you..Besides you are not doing it for them you are doing it for you..unforgiveness eats like a cancer,you have already put it off way to long.....

Answer 9

It would be difficult to give you an answer, you have not given enough information. What was the fight about? Were you out of line or was it your Dad and Stepmom? More info needed.

Answer 10

First you need to make piece with God and then yourself.You need to somehow get over the past and look to the future.You only have one family,and for you to continue to be angry with them shows that you are immature,selfish,somewhat spoiled.When it comes right down to it,all we have is our families.And that is one of the most precious gifts God gave you.Don't you be the one who messes that up.