He's in his early 30s now and was sexually abused by an adult male when he was about 9 or 10. The adult was not a relative. He did a little counseling when he was 21 or 22 but nothing since. He is a warm, responsible, loving man, but I know he needs to get back into therapy. The fact that he was sexually abused as a kid is affecting our relationship physically and emotionally. He says he can fix it on his own and I know he can't. But he won't go to counseling. How can I convince him to go to counseling so he can help himself and, in turn, strengthen our relationship? I love him and care about him. I don't want to see him hurt so much. But at the same time, when do I know it's time to give up and let him go? We've been together for over a year. Thanks for your help.
2007-01-03 15:38:20 · 6 answers · asked by LM S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
As a matter of fact, I was sexually abused as a kid too. So I do know a lot of what he's going through. But the difference is that I went to therapy for a long time to deal with the lifelong effects of it. That's why I said I know he needs professional help because no one person can fight this on their own.
2007-01-03 15:48:30 · update #1
they have a book out that deals with male abuse victims,i can't remember the title.but i am sure that anyone who specializes in this type of trauma,can tell you what it is.i read it a couple of years ago and it was very enlightening. it made my brothers alot easier to understand. my biological father sexually abused all six of us kids. and most victims don't seek help until they are in there late 30's and up.
2007-01-03 20:00:46 · answer #1 · answered by LaRie c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cannot force him to go to counseling, it is never easy when someone is sexually abuse especially as a child, these are feelings and emotions that the child tries to bury. It is something they had to live and dont want to relive in counseling. He feels since he has made it this far in life he can continue without having to relive his horrible past. You obviously were not sexually abused as a child and you really have no idea what he went through and what he will go through the rest of his life due to this, I totally agree with you that he needs counseling although, I can understand him not wanting to. Dont force counseling on him, every so often you can mention it although, I am sure he does not want to have to deal with his past, he feels he has it buried and to him that is good enough. Accept him for who he is and dont hold his past against him, hopefully in time he will go to counseling although, dont force him, if he is not ready and willing it will only make things worse. I know this may not be the answer you were looking for but, its an honest one from someone who knows first hand..
2007-01-03 15:44:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are in a pickle! I suggest that since he refuses to go see a counselor, maybe you should try to work it out with him. Do an online search on the topic. I'm sure there are some sites that can help your boyfriend and your relationship with him. If you're not big on the whole online thing, maybe you can find a book to read about it in the self-help sections of a bookstore or library. There are always alternatives... even meditation might help.
2007-01-03 15:42:17 · answer #3 · answered by TalkingTomato 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey you never know maby he is working it out on his own, but just in case i think the best thing you can do is tell him straight up, tell him that you really care about him and love him and all but if he really cares about you then he needs to get help. Make him aware of the problem.
2007-01-03 15:43:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well he acts kinda like a girl and blames his issues on his past, Thats just an excuse to be difficult. He's a dramma queen.
2007-01-03 15:41:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has to be willing to go on his own.
2007-01-03 15:43:42 · answer #6 · answered by grocerygirl_24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋