My daughter is a teeny bopper and wants to start dating! Help!!!?

Question

I have a daughter who is my only child. She is 12 going on 13 in one month. She is really crushing on this Russian kid who is 17. Is that too big of an age difference? I think it is, but maybe I'm too old fashioned. When should she start dating and if so, what age of boy is appropriate?

Answer 1

a 17 year old has no busieness dating a 13 year old. first off 17 year old boys have sex on the mind.14 or maybe early 15 may be ok but I would watch out for stuff.

Answer 2

I think my daughters will be allowed to date when they're oh say 30. But seriously, it's hard to tell when a little girl is old enough to date. It would be far better to have the boy at your house while you're home that way they can spend time together with you and you can get to know him. Every situation is different and you'd do better to know who you're dealing with. A date with a car seems very grown up for a 12 year old. She's just barely old enough to babysit legally, do you think she'll be able to avoid the temptations that a 17 year-old is dealing with. I remember when I was a teenager, not that long ago, a two year difference was big.
Frankly I say, if you don't want your 12 year old daughter having sex, 17 is a bad age. Do you remember what it was like to go out with a 17 year old boy? They're all hands and hormones!

What does a 17 year-old boy want with a 12-year old girl, anyway?

You're definitely not a fogey, she's taking on a serious challenge. You're concerned because this doesn't feel right to you. I think you should trust that feeling. Don't forget who's the parent, you lost all of the coolness you worked so hard for in high school the first time her diaper leaked all over you. You'll never be cool to her, and unless you want to be dealing with whether or not your grandaughter is old enough to date 13 years from now, you need to be very careful.

Answer 3

I think that within 2 years is acceptable until she is no longer a teenager.....I would say that 12 is the normal "start" age for dating. I put this in quotations because its when they start really wanting to but in reality only like 5% of people really are even though it is all they talk about.

While this 17 yr old is not a good idea for her (his mind I promise is somewhere hers is not yet) do NOT tell her she cannot date him. The minute you say "no" is the time that she stops talking to you about him. The best bet is to play it cool so she continues to feel comfortable talking to you.

My concern is where is she meeting this guy in the first place? Honestly, short of him being the sibling of a school friend there is no reason for her to be spending time with someone 5 years older. If I were you I would be ensuring that her time is full with being around people her own age.

Last by not least, chances are that you have nothing to worry about....he likely doesn't have the same interest in her that she has in him. Let's get real, a 17 yr old boy wants one thing and he wants someone who will be the most likely candidate for this (and that is not a 12 yr old girl). Chances are he will find a girlfriend his own age and your daughter will be bummed for a day or two then will move on.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Old fashioned? That makes me laugh a little. Back in the 'old fashioned' day, parents still had the same worries. Sooner or later your daughter is going to start dating or seeing boys and that's whether or not you giver her the ok. I suggest that you let her start seeing what the dating scene is like. Don't let her just go though. Have her bring the boy to the house, if he wants to hang out with her and if he is a nice boy he will be okay with it. Have him come to the house for dinner and meet with the family, don't do it just once. Have him come over for a while before you feel that you can really trust him to take your daughter out. It is true that the age difference for children in high school is huge, considering the mentality of their thinking. But also, let me remind you... 13 is the age girls start experimenting and getting curious with their sexuality. Sooner or later it will happen. Just try to be as open as possible about your concerns with her and dating and how she can ease her way into you feeling comfortable with it. Don't say no, whatever you do. She might storm off to her room and sulk, then eventually go behind your back. The best thing to do is just talk about it and come to a compromise.

Answer 5

Accuse me of being judgmental, but why did you not plan for this sooner? You knew it was going to happen eventually. It's always important to have a plan in place for these kinds of things, so that you aren't scrambling for help when the time comes.

That said: What are you comfortable with? Isn't the fact that you have doubts an indicator enough for you? She's 13. He's 17. What about statutory rape laws in your state? Why are you even asking this question? What if the person she was crushing on was 18, 19, or 22? Would it make that big of a difference to you?

You are the parent. Decide what you think is best, and lay down the law. My parents decided that dating was out of the question until I was 18. My friends could date whenever they wanted. Several of my friends had pregnancy scares and abortions at young ages. Their grades suffered, and education was no longer their priority. I went on to get a graduate degree. I'm not putting myself above my friends because many of them make more money than me. But every single one of my friends values my opinion because they feel I'm very down to Earth and mature. They all respected my parents for laying down the law.

So ask yourself what you truly feel, and then follow through with it. The decision always lies with you.

Answer 6

Don't tell her that you are against it. But tell her your concern with the age difference and express a closer in age they can learn and enjoy things together. If you haven't you may want to talk to her about the birds and the bee's. If you have great communication and trust you may want to supply or even take her to an OBGYN. I worked for one and several women would bring there daughters in to speak with the daughter about the women body. So they can actually get a serious view of life and that 17 year old may look fun and cute. But could be a part of her life forever. Don't scare her just let her know you are MOM and you don't want her to live a long and prosperous and happy life!!!! : )

Answer 7

She should start dating when she is 25, has a college degree, and is living on her own with a successful career. Until then, home school her, have her take online college courses, and patrol your home with guard dogs and automatic weapons. All kidding aside, when you feel she is mature enough and will make the right decisions, then you are ready. Remember, you have to have faith in her ability to choose right from wrong. She will have her heart broken at least once (everyone does), and she will rely on you to help her through it. Be confident in how you are raising her, give her some room, and be there when she starts to faulter - just like when she was learning to walk. Good luck to both of you. (By the way, when my daughter was 12, she was going on 20, not 13).

Answer 8

NO! Im 13 and my mother would never let me go out w/ sumone that's 17! U should probably let her date so she can experience the wonders of middle school drama, but not someone that big of an age difference. Maybe 14 at the oldest. Good Luck!

PS if that doesnt work, u better have a talk w/ her!

Answer 9

As a parent you used the terms "teeny bobber" and "Russian kid".
Yes, you are too old fashioned. BUT- that is beside the age difference.
That age difference is too much. She should NOT be allowed to see him.
At 12/13 they should be group friend dates with no one older then JR high.

Answer 10

She is too young to date a 17 year old. She shouldn't date anyone over 2 years older. My kids are grown, I don't know what I would do with a 13 year old daughter. You can only talk to them and try to reason and pray. You can't lock them up ( even though you might like to ), and society is moving too fast today. You're not too old fashioned, you love and want to protect your daughter. Good Luck.