I feel like I am very ready to have children, although I am getting over several years of depression. We have been married for 3 years and we're in our mid 20's. He is keen on having kids but is not sure if he is ready yet. Is this purely fear of becoming a first time parent or is he really not ready? How can we tell? He's a guy so he has no idea how to express his feelings even though he tries so hard (bless him!). I don't want to force him into anything at all but at the same time I don't want to put off having kids just because he's nervous. We could wait 5 years and he will still be nervous!
2007-01-03 15:12:48 · 9 answers · asked by beejay 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
do you have any friends with children? offer to watch their children for a short time on several occasions when he is home. maybe it will spark his interest and make him feel more at ease. see what you think. hope something works for you!
2007-01-03 15:21:35 · answer #1 · answered by blondie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has a right to be scared and unsure. That is normal, and as such, means he is not ready.
If you are getting over several years of depression, rushing into having kids is not going to help that, and could make it worse. He might be worrying about that also.
Are you financially able to afford children right now?
Mid-20's is the time you should still be enjoying your freedom, wait a few years.
2007-01-04 00:21:10 · answer #2 · answered by joy q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women worry about becoming first-time parents, men worry about whether they can support it financially....at least that is what my husband says. The truth is there will always be some reason not to have children, and you may end up putting it off until it is too late. It is a big change in your lives, and it wouldn't hurt to wait a couple of more years (aim for 30 as your deadline). One thing that we did was to get a puppy...you have to teach it and train it and love it and clean up after it, you are responsible for its care and feeding.
It doesn't matter when, but when you do find out you are pregnant, your husband will probably be freaked out for a while until he gets used to the idea (which typically takes the entire 10 months) and then it won't actually hit him until you give birth and there is this little baby that he's responsible for.
2007-01-03 23:23:06 · answer #3 · answered by Jenny 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like both of you have the "baby" jitters. My wife and I have one daughter who's five. We are also expecting in July of this year. The first kid is always the scariest because they don't come with instructions. You can try those "baby" books, but they really don't help that much. Also, most of them are written by "Dr. So n' so" who's never had children of their own.
It might be bad to say this, but raising kids is nothing short of trial and error. You're going to mess up once in awhile, but the rewards of having children are worth it. You'll find that your children can be the greatest joy in your life. Good luck!!
2007-01-04 00:04:37 · answer #4 · answered by kenrayf 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's normal, and you tend to freak out off and on throughout the pregnancy too. My little guy is 9 months old and it was only in the past couple of months I felt really comfortable with everything.
It's scary but very, very rewarding. and i agree with you, i wouldn't put it off for that reason either.
2007-01-03 23:16:15 · answer #5 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being nervous is normal. If you wait until you feel ready, then you'll never have kids. lol If you're financially and mentally able, then go for it.
2007-01-04 02:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by Niki L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you and your husband having money problems. If that is the problem then I can see why he is nervous. If not then maybe he thinks that you will pay more attention to the baby more then him. If that's not it then honey I don't know.
2007-01-03 23:29:57 · answer #7 · answered by christina 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try therapy. A therapist will be able to work through these problems and help you out.
2007-01-03 23:54:11 · answer #8 · answered by The Pope 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just go for it. it's a fear that goes away only after the kid arrives.
2007-01-03 23:17:53 · answer #9 · answered by CoolDude 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋