I feel like I am very ready to have children, although I am getting over several years of depression. We have been married for 3 years and we're in our mid 20's. He is keen on having kids but is not sure if he is ready yet. Is this purely fear of becoming a first time parent or is he really not ready? How can we tell? He's a guy so he has no idea how to express his feelings even though he tries so hard (bless him!). I don't want to force him into anything at all but at the same time I don't want to put off having kids just because he's nervous. We could wait 5 years and he will still be nervous!
2007-01-03 15:12:14 · 13 answers · asked by beejay 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
"We could wait 5 years and he will still be nervous!"
How do you know this? Plus, if he's not ready, don't push him into it or trick him in any way, shape or form. If you want kids, try playing with your sisters or brothers and babysit for a while. Ultimately, this has to be agreed by on both parties because having children is a huge financial, emotional, and physical responsibility.
Trust me on this.
2007-01-03 15:23:13 · answer #1 · answered by Suzy Suzee Sue 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Get a puppy and see how you both deal with that. Often times couples start out with a houseplant and or a puppy to see how they are at looking after something before having kids! We killed the houseplants, but did fine with the animals, LOL!
You can never truly be ready to be a first time parent, it changes life as you know it forever and that is very scary. Even when you think you are ready that is scary. Wait some more if you aren't totally ready and see how you both feel in a year, mid twenties is not that old you still have plenty of time to have kids.
You could even apply to be foster parents that way you will have parental training and experience first hand what it is like to have kids.
2007-01-03 23:16:44 · answer #2 · answered by Julie c 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I think it's awful to 'try out' parenting on foster kids. They need experienced parents, not experimental ones.
Guys see having kids differently than girls. If we had waited until my husband felt confident enough about having a child, I don't think we ever would although he has always said he wants kids. I always thank God we had an accident! My husband absolutely adores him, of course. He's three now, and I want another one. Honey says 'not yet', so I've been praying for another accident (I'm not going to do anything to get pregnant without his consent).
My husband is just not confident that he will be a good provider, he gets stressed out about the thought of supporting us all and having that kind of responsibility on his shoulders, he doesn't like sharing me, and gets irritated by the constant (often annoying) noise of a child.
Most men are never READY to have their first child. If your marriage is strong, you are financially able to support a child, and you have done the things together as a couple you'd like to (travel, party, etc), there's no good reason not to get pregnant. If he's just nervous, show him how much it would mean to you and he'll probably cave out of his love for you. He'll probably be freaked out the first little while, but in no time at all he'll put his life on the line for his child.
2007-01-03 23:18:57 · answer #3 · answered by Margie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand. having kids does change ur life big time. u cant do what ever u want any time u want. u have another being or beings u have to cosider now. I am preg with #3 and i know the more u have the more difficult it gets. However on the other side. Having kids is awesome. the joy they bring is undescribible. u are still young so u do have plenty of time to still have them. enjoy ur life together and make sure u both are wanting them. one would be ok for now. so he sees what its all about. he will love it. then go from there.
2007-01-03 23:21:41 · answer #4 · answered by goober 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everybody is nervous for the first time being a parent . Because you do not know what to expect . As long the relationship is stable and there is a loving family ,everything will be ok .
You can go to the libary and get him some reading material about being a dad fort he first time or have a talk with friends
Good Luck
2007-01-03 23:16:21 · answer #5 · answered by silverearth1 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My wife and I have 4 and I can honestly say if you wait until you're ready you'll just be waiting a long time.
I'll be 45 when my youngest is 18 and I'll be plenty young enough to do many things with them as adults.
If you're talking about having kids then you're probably ready.
Good luck and have fun making babies.
2007-01-03 23:48:28 · answer #6 · answered by coffeemate 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not very often now a days that people are ever completely ready to have kids. I think I would just let it happen don't pressure him and try really hard to get pregnant because all that dose is get you stressed, Than it can make it harder to even get pregnant. Just stop using your method of birth control. Good luck!
2007-01-03 23:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by S s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In response to y wrldzgr8stdad's reply, why did you say that people waited so long to experience parenthood? Some people aren't cut out to be parents and yet they are, and some just don't want children. I don't get why you said don't wait so long, does me being in my mid twenties mean I wait too long also?? When did you want people to have kids? 16??!
2007-01-03 23:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by the BABY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand what he is going through. i have two of my own, and am still nervous about having a third. it's the idea of not knowing what's going to happen. but... there are so many unexpected things that make it all worth while. the first time the baby makes eye contact with him... the first time the baby giggles over something silly he does... the first time his heart swells 50 times when he hears "da-da". the first time he stumbles into the nursery to give the baby a bottle, and sees that little person standing there, arms out-stretched, wanting nothing more than for daddy to pick him up. he will never expect any of those things... but will wonder why he waited so long to experience them.
2007-01-03 23:18:42 · answer #9 · answered by wrldzgr8stdad 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
A man tries to see how good of a mother his woman is and tries every day to see if he could be with a that woman forever. If he had full trust in you and his marraige he would not be so affraid. I was affraid in my last relationship and glad i was cause she turned evil on me a year later. Now I am free of her and am not trying to fight in court just to see a kid that we almost had together. Instead i will wait for the perfect mother of my child. The better you treat him the better of a mother you will be in his eyes. Trust is everything, he is being smart considering the fact that 60% of marrages fail now days
2007-01-03 23:20:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋