break up or hope for a miracle change?

Question

i have been dating my boyfriend on and off for four years now. i love him alot and hoped we would always be together. but he has this problem where he always seems to lie to me. then he says lame stuff like "oh i lied because i dont want u to be mad." he lies about little things.... id like to think he hasnt ever been unfaithful to me but if he can lie about little things couldnt he lie about bigger things too? i dont want to lose him but i feel like i cant take it. i just dont trust him. and the worst part is that he makes me feel like im overreacting when hes the one who messes up. he still tells me he loves me, and i love him. i feel like it would be such a waste to break up because weve been together so long....but im thinking of just ending it. im scared of losing him though, what should i do?

Answer 1

You have answered your own question. You said you cant trust him. You dont want to marry a person who you cant trust. Also, we all have areas that need alittle work. If a person is not willing to admit his faults, "AND", make necessary changes to correct the behavior, than that is an "unsafe" person to be in relationship with.You want a person who will make the necessary changes in himself that will benefit the relationship. Its not our job to change other people, just ourselves. So its his job to change himself, not yours. But, you dont have to live with him.You said he overreacts when you catch him in a lie. This tells me that he is not taking responsibility for his actions and is trying to divert the focus from him to you. I would tell him how this makes you feel and the you cant feel secure in a relationship where you aren't able to trust. If he really understands and cares how you feel, he should want to get some help and nip this problem in the bud. If not, move on. Love isnt the main ingredient for making a marriage work. Every couple who ever got married would tell you that when they got married they were "IN LOVE". The divorce rate is over 60%. Most of the other 40% would like to get divorced but they cant afford it or they wont because of the kids. This should tell you that "love", is not the key principle here. The "choice" to be committed to someone is the key. The "choice" to make necessary changes in ones own shortcommings and weakness is the key. The "choice" to be willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the other person is the key. Is he willing to do these things? Are you? The point about being a waste because you have been together for so long is not true. If nothing else, you have had a good friend for all these years. Be thankful for that. Dont marry someone who is not moving forward in life and has no goals or ambition and isnt willing to make changes for the sake of his wife and relationship. Selfishness is what kills a relationship, along with lack of knowledge. Sometimes we have to make the "tough" decisions in life. It hurts for a while, but in the long run it pays off. Besides, it doesnt hurt as much as divorce. Hope this helps. :)

Answer 2

If you have talked to him about it and he hasn't made an effort to change, ask him to go to counseling. I know I wouldn't want to be with someone who lies all the time either. Trust is a big factor in a relationship and if you don't have it, the relationship really isn't there, even if the love is. Is that why you have been on and off again the last 4 years?

You don't deserve to be lied to. Lies hurt more and make you more angry than if he just told the truth. I would tell him that. It sounds like you have given him many chances. If he isn't ready to change, you aren't going to change him. Even though you love him, you have to decide if you want to be with a liar the rest of you life.

You have been with him a long time, but is it more that you are use to him? You can be by yourself and be happier than wonder if and when someone is going to lose more trust you had built up. You can't carry a one way relationship. I would say to try to move on and see where the road takes you. You seem to have been thinking about it, or you wouldn't have asked. I think it sounds like you have reached your limit of the lies. I am sure there will be some things you miss about him. Remember you have to have Honesty, communication, and trust in every relationship, if you don't have those, you really don't have a true relationship. Hugs to you.

Answer 3

If you think you can share your life with someone who lies so often and gives you such excuses, then continue with him. I couldn´t do it. And believe me, that kind of people never, ever change. I had a boyfriend who lied a lot, i had the same hope, i prayed for him to change his behavior, but he never did. I left him. It was hard at the beginning but i could go on with my life, and guess what? I found a great guy who doesn´t lie, who treats me nice and makes me very happy. If i haven´t done what i did, i had never found my Angel.

Answer 4

The key to any relationship is trust. If you do not have it now, you will never have it. As for miracle changes - they don't exist. If you have been on and off for four years, there seems like there may not be all that much commitment. All in all the choice is yours to make, but remember - you fell in love with him as he is, if you can't live with that forever - then there is no reason to wait for a change.

Answer 5

I think you need to sit down and ask yourself is this relationship worth saving. If you don't trust him what do you have then? Do you want to be with someone that you can't trust? Trust is a big issue in a relationship. And if he lies about little things well he is most likely lying about bigger things.

Answer 6

This is what a liar is... someone who can't be themselves around someone they supposedly love.. or someone who is trying to be something or somebody else that they think the other person wants them to be or who they think they should be because they feel they are not worthy of the person they are with.... they carry a very low self esteem or they are using the other person until they no longer need any thing the other person has to offer. Another thing they are not who you think they are... They may act one way around you but totally different around someone else...

I feel that you have wasted your four years and that you need to get rid of this guy before you waste all your pretty on him...

Answer 7

It will be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do but you have to do what you know is best. If you are even slightly unhappy, staying together will be a waste. You are accepting second best to what makes you happy by staying with him. He says he loves you but if he really did he would be willing to do ANYTHING to make your relationship with him work. Guys have no problem covering up for things that they have done but if us girls did some of the things to them that they do to us it would be so totally different.

Answer 8

There are a lot of people in line for miracles, so don't hold your breath! No, really... Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who lies? Don't you want to experience life with someone who approaches it open and truthfully? Aren't you cheating yourself out of something by being with someone who feeds you bull all the time? You should want better for yourself, unless you can't handle the truth.

Answer 9

Honey, What do you want to do, go thru life being lied to all the time. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you can`t keep putting up with his lies. Just tell him it`s his choice if you stay or not. Tell him that honesty is the best policy. GOD BLESS YOU & GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

If there is a someone that lies just to make you feel better, that someone cares about your feelings. But honestly, I canNOT take those kind of people. Tell him that you know him enough that he could tell the truth to you without hurting your feelings.

good luck!