Is this rude?

Question

My first baby is due to be born the beginning of March. My husband and I are very very excited. My mother-in-law wants to go to the hospital and wait in the waiting room while I have the baby. I dont get along with her very well & we arnet close at all. She is annoying and bossy and I feel her being around with stress me out and upset me. However my own mother wants to come along too, and I want her too. Is it rude of me to ask my mother-in-law to wait at home? While I allow my mother to be at the hospital? My husband and my mother get along better than him and his own mother.

Answer 1

you child is also your hubby's child. his mother is as much a grandmother as your mother will be, and has as much right to see her granchild as your mother has. if you refuse one, you have to refuse both. if you invite one, you have to invite them both, whether you favour one above the other or not. anything less would be plain obnoxious behaviour on your part. ask both of them to wait outside the delivery room, and invite both in at the same time to see their first grandchild together.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, she will be the grandmother of your child, and you will probably have to put up with her alot more from now on-the waiting room is just the beginning.
I say unless you want to create hurt feelings that will come back to haunt you later, let her in the waiting room. She's not asking to be in the delivery room, so you won't even have to see or deal with her. Besides, if she's the annoying bossy type, she may just show up anyway. The waiting room of a hospital is not a restricted area, and you being in labor would not even know if she was there or not. It will be no different than her coming afterwards to see the baby through the natal ward window.
Pick your battles wisely-if she were asking to be in the delivery room with you, I'd say it would be worth the fight. But like her or not, your child will probably love her....and the less strain on the relationship between you and her the easier she will be to deal with.

Answer 3

It's very rude and would murder any chance of your relationship with her getting any better.

I mean, it's the waiting room for goodness sake, it's not like she's asking to be in the birthing room. Her son's first child is going to be born, and she will hate you forever if you make her miss out on it.

You don't have to call her as soon as you go, wait until you are about 8 cm or so and have someone call her. That way, she can be sent straight to the waiting room when she gets there because you'll be pushing or ready to push soon and the nurses will want everyone (except your husband and maybe your mother if the hospital will allow it) out. And afterwards, she'll be so busy crying over the new baby to annoy you.

Answer 4

It's totally your call as the one in labor who you want around your, but since you are having YOUR mom there, I think you should let your MIL stay in the waiting room. Let her in for a couple minutes after the baby is born, then make sure the nurse knows to kick everyone out because a newborn needs to start nursing within the first hour after birth. An hour sounds like a long time, but after all the tests and afterbirth and stuff they do, you'll only have a couple minutes of socializing before times up. Suggest they go get you some take-out somewhere.

Honestly, it will be after the baby is born that she'll be driving you nuts. She'll know how best to swaddle the baby, she'll know why the baby is crying, she'll know how to hold your boob right to nurse, she'll know exactly who the baby looks like, she'll have story after story about your husband and how wise she is as a mom, and on and on.

Remember, you are going to be super stressed out the first couple weeks, so adding an annoying bossy MIL is BAD. Limit her exposure to you. Tell her you three need to time to bond as a family and will only be allowing short visits for the first month or so. Newborns rarely need nothing, but I would invite her over for a lunch every couple days when the baby is fed, changed, and not tired. When the lunch is over, tell her thanks for coming and walk toward the door. There's nothing worse than a know-it-all when you are trying to figure out your new child. They make you feel totally inept and stupid. Invite her over so that you have control when she comes and doesn't pop in. Put a sign over your doorbell saying "Do not disturb. Call for a time to come see the baby".

Good luck!

Answer 5

Well becoming a grandparent is very important obviously to the mother-in-law. Leave her stay in the waiting room, she won't be near you nor will she be able to see you until the whole process is over and done with. Not only that you can tell your nurse that say your husband and mother are the only ones allowed into your room until after you get your shower and get out of the birthing room. Good luck!

Answer 6

If she's going to be in the waiting room, then I wouldn't see anything wrong with her coming along. If you think that she might cause trouble or something like that, then yeah I would ask her not to come. Or better yet, have your husband ask her. Does your husband want his mother there? Just don't call and tell her that you are in labor when the time comes. Wait until everything is over with and things calm down, then if you wanted her to know, call her. If it will bother you that much if she's there, then ask her not to come. It's your pregnancy and your delivery. You should have the right to be comfortable with who is there. I wish you the best of luck with this!! Good luck and congrats!!

Answer 7

Honey... believe me you won't care once you are in labor!!! Let me tell you my story!!! I have three children and DO NOT get along well with my mother. My mother in law on the other hand is like a best friend to me. I basically gave them roles in labor and delivery. Because I was adopted my mother never had the experience of labor and delivery and I did want to share that with her... With a few exceptions. My mother in law was in charge of getting nurses, and anything else I needed, (and controlling my mother!!!).. and my husband was their for ME. He held my hand and was the only person allowed to be within about 5 feet of me! My mother was armed with a camera... but NO pictiures until baby was out and I told her she could. I basically told them that this was a time for my hubbie and me.... and that they could be their, but I didn't want to know that they were there (NO coaching, cheering or anything! they could watch but don't talk!!!). By the time you go full blown into labor, you won't give a darn who is in the room With my third I had about 30 hospital staff in training, witness the birth of our son... and I had NO idea until it was over! If you are more comfortable with your mother, then tell her that you don't want your mother in law their, but if you do allow her, put your mother in charge of controlling her! I was glad I gave my mom that experience, and I was grateful to have my mother in law able to keep things under control for me!

Answer 8

I dont think you should tell the grandma of you baby to go home. But you can ask her to stay in the waitting room, and ask the nurse to not let anyone in till you are ready. ONce your ready have her come in and see her new grandbaby. After a short while tell her you want some rest and alone time with your new baby. she will understand or have the nurse limit her stay

Answer 9

No, it's isn't rude. You are the one pushing the baby out and you get to make the decisions. You shouldn't have to have anything around you that makes you edgy or uncomfortable...it will only hinder the labor process.

If your MIL inquires as to why your mom is there, just tell her that you love her, but that you really would feel comfortable with just your mom there as she's already seen everything private about you. You don't need to explain yourself further. :)

Answer 10

For my first two babies, my MIL stayed in the waiting room and all went well. I dont care for her either.The waiting room was far enough away to do the trick and allow me my sanity. I think asking her to stay home is over the top and unnecessary. Plus puts your husband in an uncomfortable situation..plus you dont want her to hold it against your child.

Answer 11

It's not rude at all. That's your day and your entitled to have things your way. I had 2 bestfriends, my mother and father, and my aunt in the room with me, and with all the pain I snapped at everyone except for my mom. I was easily annoyed and aggitated. Unless your ready to accidently tell her about herself, I suggest she waits somewhere else.

Good Luck