almost 25...Move out?

Question

I'll be 25 in june, and I've wanted to move out for about 2 years now. But when i start to talk about it, I get the guilt trip from my mom. It's just me and my mom right now. My dad passed away 9 years ago so we split half of everything from the food, rent, utilities, etc... and i have been paying rent since 18. I'm not sure if her issue is the fact that she will have to move to a smaller apt. and money will be more tight for for her, or if she is afraid to live alone. But even tho i pay half of everything I feel like a loser still living with her and I need to start living my life without her. I'm a very independent person and need to feel that way. I'd like your opinions on what to do, or whether I should move out at all? I do save money living with her, but It's just the mindset of still living with my mom @ 25. Thanks

Answer 1

You should be commended for taking care of your mother .. and helping out with the bills and being so responsible at such a young age ... not many your age would do what you have done and HONOR the mother that you have.

What you need to do is sit down with your mother and make plans -- for eventual separate spaces for both of you. This does not have to happen immediately, but eventually, you both will need to get on with separate lives.

Has your mother had any support for the grief of losing your father (her spouse) over the past 9 years? Sometimes it takes a very long time for one to overcome such a profound loss in their lives (and could help her learn how to deal with the potential setting up of a separate household for yourself as well). IF she has not had any grief support .. talk to your pastor/priest/religious counselor or talk to her Doctor to see if they have any Grief Support Groups that she can attend to start working through the phases of grief.

Just remember, when you both have separate households, she is STILL your mother, and still cherish her (and remind her that you will always care about her and be there for her). That you are a responsible young man, and are thinking about socializing a bit more ... with the potential for starting a family of your own. Then when you BOTH have separate households ... you can always visit her on a regular basis and call her regularly (after all ... cell plans now have free in-network calls as well as calls on weekends/after 7-9PM are free too). So this is an economical solution for you to stay in touch with her.

Answer 2

First of all--God Bless you for staying with Mom this long!!! I'm a Mom, my hubby drove truck and was only home on weekends while our son was growing up. He was still gone for 2-3 days in a row when our son moved out. I know J was worried about me being alone all night (and so was I to be quite honest), we lived in the big middle of nowhere--no neighbors-just fields and a highway!! Her issue may just be being alone--it's hard-even if you're in your room all night, or you're gone until the wee hours, it's just knowing that someone else is in the house or will be home soon! But you do need to live your own life! Do what J did--move out-but give Mom your phone # and call her to check on her (not to check in-but to ask if she's okay, does she need anything, etc.) She'll be okay and you'll both gain some independence. The best thing that happened with J and I is that now we're friends! We've moved on from the Mom and son thing --I'm not in charge, I don't tell him what to do, we ask each other for advice!! It's good to be friends with your son!!!

Answer 3

you need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell her that you love her and you moving out is not a bad thing that you will still see each other. Maybe tell her you'll get together once a week for dinner or something like that. Set a date to move out. You have both been through a lot losing your dad. She feels like she is losing another person. You need to let her know that is not what is happening.

Answer 4

Are you an only child?
Are you in college?

It's nice that you care about your Mom feeling alone or afraid & can consider her in your decision. But, you do deserve to make your own life & it will never be your own living at home -- you need to experience that independence you feel inside.
Chances are that your Mom may need to have her own life too & not even realize it. Change is scary but it is good!

Answer 5

If you want to move out I’d just sit down with your mom and set timeframe of when you’re going to move out. Offer to help find your mom a new place if she feels she needs to move or wants to, it could even be someplace close to where ever you choose to live.

But honestly now a days more and more adult children are choosing to live at home with their parent(s) for different reasons. Its not uncommon at all. My brother just turned 27 and he still lives at home, parents don’t even make him pay rent. He says he wants to move to Toronto sometime this year but I’ll believe it when I see it.

Answer 6

I think you should start saving your money and setting a projected moving date.

Then tell your mother what you're doing and when the move will take place.

Let her know you're moving because you need to be independent but it doesn't mean you guys won't still be close.

Your mother will be fearful but she'll do fine when she realizes your still going to be in her life....good luck to both of you.

Answer 7

i would start saving money and create a bank account for your mom and deposite a monthly money for her so that you can help pay for her also ya you should move out and like you have a life(right?) so just see her like 1ce in 1-2 wks and just live your life. cause ppl younger than you are getting married. and some have kids. so just saying i think you should move out but still help your mom.

Answer 8

not sure