Uncomfortable about sleep-over party for a Kindergartner?

Question

My son is in K and not quite 6. He's only slept over at a gma's home and still often gets in bed with us. He has been invited to a mini-golf & sleep-over party. The boy is a fairly nice - and my son considers him his “best” friend, but the mom has done things to make me nervous.

e.g.: She is a problem parent to a teacher that is otherwise liked by parents. She lets her two kids- 4 y.o. and just turned 6 y.o. – to play in a (admittedly quiet) street un-supervised and allows them to go down the block to play without any contact with the parents of the home they are going to. She lied to another mom and said that my son had been to her house before for a sleep-over, when my son has never gone on a sleep-over! I thought she was very passive in stopping ugly behavior the one time we were over for a play-date. And I’ve never met the dad.

I told my son he could go golfing, but not sleep-over (& he is unhappy). I think I am comfortable with this, but what would you do?

Answer 1

That is a really tough call - but untimately you are the parent and its your call to make. If you think you son will be safe over at his friends house then your reaction here may be a bit too much - I don't know you and/or the situation any better than you have explained it - the reality is your son will be upset - but that is just how it goes. Again your the parent.

Another thought on this is you might want to talk to some of the other moms of kids going to the party and get their feedback.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

I think you are right in just doing the golfing. That sounds fair and reasonable. You do not particularly like the mother and you don't even know the dad. I've let my son stay at friends' homes a few times but in both cases they were good family friends who we did things with all the time. Unless I'm on a very comfortable basis with the parents, I wouldn't let my child sleep over.

Of course your son is going to be disappointed. Let him go golfing and have a good time. Then maybe do something fun as a family that night instead of the sleepover. Rent a movie and make popcorn, have a board game night, go out to dinner and a movie. Maybe even sleep in the living room in front of the tv. Have a family sleepover. We've done all these with our kids and I sometimes do these things to make up for other things the kids have missed out on. Ex: we were supposed to go to the movies but the weather was bad so we had a big movie night here at the house. Instead of being upset that we missed the movie they were excited that we were watching movies all night here at home. So, maybe if you plan something special he won't feel as bad that he missed out on the sleepover.

Answer 3

You made the right decision.
I would do the same thing. If your son gives you any attitude about not getting to sleep over just tell him,
It's going golfing or nothing at all.
A sleep over for kindergartners is a little strange. There still pretty young to be sleeping over at someone Else's house.
If anything, he can go golfing and then go over to the little boys house for a couple of hours but not to sleep over.
Now a days, you don't want your kids to sleep over at someones house unless you know the parents really really well.
There are so many child molesters out in the world now a days.
You have to be very careful about who watches your child when your not around.

Answer 4

I think you are wrong to not let him go. No the other boys home is not as wholesome as yours is but will anyones ever be.? Your son is going to visit the other boy not his mother or father. You should realize how important these first invites are to the young child. It means acceptance and friendships. The other boys mom is not the subject here - your son's friendship is. In my family and most of the other people I know Kindergarten is the start of sleep overs and children who havent gone on one by first grade were already considered to be strange and not much fun or someone would have invited them. The no sleep over makes Mom feel better because she can keep her little boy little for longer not because there is any real reason for him not to go except Mom doesnt like his Mom.

Answer 5

I definantly agree with your decision! You never know what will happen there and your son is pretty young to be put in a tricky situation like that. Maybe to make him happier, you can tell him that the "best" friend can sleep over at your house in the near future. This way, your son can try out a sleep over without being subjected to the bad parenting. Seems like the other mother would be more than happy to ship her child away for an overnight since she cares soo much about her children.

Answer 6

I completely agree with you. Always follow your gut instinct when it comes to the well being of your children. It's not like you completely said no to the whole party . If your uncomfortable with him sleeping over there then that's enough of a reason not to let him. Besides wouldn't you rather know that he is safe and sound at home than be up all night worried about him. I think you are doing the right thing. Your just doing what any good mother would do so don't feel bad about it.

Answer 7

I don't think 5 is too young for a sleepover, the issue with the parent is totally up to you and you shouldn't feel guilty either way. Some things to keep in mind though.....
She may have simply made a mistake about the "lie". Being a parent of small children can sometimes keep us so busy you get a little amnesia. She may have been thinking of another child-it could be totally innocent.
Being passive with discipline at the play date-could it have just been a bad or stressful day? I wouldn't judge this to be an absolute as far as her parenting skills unless you've seen it more than just once.
If you just feel deep down that your son would be unsafe there, then by all means you should not let him go. He will get over the unhappiness, and you are right to be careful.
But if it is just that her parenting differs from yours, or you feel it isn't up to par-
it IS just a sleepover-it's not you are willing her your child in the event something happens to you. It's one night, and there will be other children at a party. Her children's behavior will not permanently scar your son or change him. Relax.
Frankly I would be more worried about the minigolf-that's a public place, which would require MUCH more supervision of a 5 year old child than the home environment.

Answer 8

I would definitely not let my kid stay the night my daughter just turned 6 and my hubby was hesitant about her staying the night with friends so I met the parents of the little girl and they lived in the same neighborhood and I went to their house and then I made the decision and my daughter does well with sleeping over at family members houses so I gave it a try and it went ok. but like I said the parents were straight forward, the lies would make me angry enough to say No!!

Answer 9

Hey, I thought it was neat that we lived so close (Ky, and Cinci) So, I checked out your answers... I would def do the same thing. Your son is too young to understand anything that is going on with the Mother, and of course you can't go about trying to explain it. I think that you should def stick with your decision, only let him golf. The Mothers seems a little out of place, and if she can't be responsible for her own children, who says she wont let something happen to your's?

Answer 10

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