How Can we Have a Fake First Wedding for Family Once We're Already Married?

Question

Okay, so, in less than 3 weeks my boyfriend (fiance) and I are SECRETLY getting married in South Lake Tahoe, Nevada. We are using a public marriage license, but it's Nevada, not California where we live (in California you can get confidential marriage licenses).

For reasons I don't feel like explaining, none of our family can find out. We're going to announce our "engagement" (even though we'll already be married), and then we'll have a wedding in June that everyone's invited to.

NOW, what my question is, in JUNE, when we have the fake wedding that everyone will think is a real wedding, how do we deal with the officiator of the wedding, etc, to make sure no one finds out we're already married and that it's a fake "for-show" wedding.

And no, we're not just going to wait until June. We do want a religious ceremony. Anyone?

Answer 1

You can marry each other as many times as you want.
The June wedding won't be fake and you don't need to blab any details about earlier weddings.
As long as you are not defrauding someone (like a polygamist with multiple wives who don't know about each other ) you get married every month if you want.
Have no idea where you got the idea the June wedding would be fake , what is up with that ? ?

Answer 2

There's a lot of outside pressure to have "The Perfect Wedding." Look how many cable channels run weddingplotation shows for hours a day- Style Network, We TV, TLC, etc. In addition, there are all the bridal magazines that are carried in every drugstore and bookstore in the country. People get so caught up in being perfect or being able to brag about their perfect wedding. And, it doesn't stop at the weddings, because the next step down this slippery slope is the ability to raise "The Perfect Child" (you know, the one who never does anything wrong, who's classmates pick on him because he's so clever- not because he's a snotty brat, heavens no, MY Jimmy would never do that- and who poops rainbows and unicorns). Its the sense of entitlement, that we give our children. We tell them that they're the best, and they start to believe it. Therefore, they need to show the world that they're The Best. This Me generation is hitting the marriagemart and job market with a vengeance now, and has never been told that they are wrong or can't do something. So they expect the world on a silver platter, tied up with a bow, and spoon fed to them from a helicopter parent who just can't let them fail. Sure, blow $50K or $100K on a party. Make Mom & Dad work an extra 5 years to pay for Little Suzie's Dream Wedding (part 1, because starter marriages rarely last). ETA- yes, of course mature people should be unwilling to give into peer pressure, but they aren't the people who are on Y!A asking "is it OK if we get married at the courthouse tomorrow and then get married for real next year?" or "my husband and I eloped last weekend, and now I feel let down because I didn't have my dream wedding. Can I lie to everyone and plan the biggest wedding ever for next September?"

Answer 3

Not good having a religious ceremony as a fake wedding.

What is the rush anyway?

You should be open and tell people that you wanted a private thing, and that you will have a second ceremony for everyone else. People do this all the time. Japanese people have two ceremonies - their traditional one and a western one. No reason why you can't have two ceremonies.

Honesty is better.

Answer 4

Just tell the officiant that you eloped, but have decided to have a full ceremony to renew your vows in front of God & Family. That "not everyone" (white lie instead of "no one") is aware you recently (white lie) eloped, so his discretion is appreciated for the sake of family peace (He'll think you have an old-fashioned aunt).

Beyond that, work on a need-to-know basis. But try to fake as little as possible so you don't feel like you are duping people. No one needs to know if you did or did not sign a marriage certificate. We did that privately in the officiants office.

(What would happen if you didn't disclose you were marreid in Vegas? Would the Ca. marriage be void, but the Vegas marriage still legal?)

Answer 5

Why fake it... just tell everyone you wanted an intimate wedding and have another in June. No lying involved.

Answer 6

Hire a Unitarian officiator. They'll incorporate religious elements and may allow you to have a "fake" wedding for the benefit of your families. Otherwise go with a JP and forget about the religious aspects.

Answer 7

Lying to people about what you are inviting them to attend and witness is absolutely positively RUDE, bad manners, tacky, and bad etiquette.

Please do not have a fake wedding. That is so LOW.

Have your wedding in 3 weeks wherever you want, and then send out nice wedding announcements to tell everybody, immediately afterwards.

Answer 8

Talk to the officiate. Let him know your wishes. Really, the only thing that is different is the signing of the papers, which can either faked. Of course, some officiants may have a problem with the dishonest part of it.

Answer 9

How lovely- start everything off with a Big Fat Lie. Good luck. Why bother having a fake wedding and adding even more deceit to your relationship? And then you want a religious ceremony??? Yeah this will last.