Let me first say that I have never taken actions to any thoughts. I have a wild background... Church girl gone stripper... Wild partier. I moved away from home to stop this behavior and I did. Its been over a year since. But I think about it often and sometimes wish I could have both... My husband and my wild ways. But I know he wouldn't like that. I would feel awful if I did. But someone told me that I shouldn't resist my urges. What is real? What should I avoid? I love my fiance.... I can't be without him. Is it possible to have my cake and eat it too?
2007-01-03 11:39:16 · 28 answers · asked by grover4u21 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you can still have your husband and your wild ways, but make sure there with him only.
2007-01-03 11:42:09 · answer #1 · answered by giselle g 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I relate to what your saying. I too was a good little church goer who hit teens and went a bit crazy and continued the same behaviour into my twenties. I am now thirty two and though not engaged I live with a guy and sometimes I feel trapped and the need to be free overwhelms me, but then a reminder of who I am hits me and I realise that I would be unhappy and lonely if I were suddenly free. I have what I call the grass is always greener syndrome. Maybe you do too. I think if you went back to your wild ways you would probably regret it. Sounds like you have moved forward and left your wild ways behind for a reason. I get the feeling you should take up some kind of hobby or something so that you have something that you are passionate about besides your fiance. I say this too because I have been telling myself the same thing.
If you are worried about getting married just tell your fiance that you are not ready. What's the rush. It is just a legal arrangement anyway.
good luck
2007-01-03 19:52:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you and your fiance are interested in swinging, you shouldn't get married. Sounds like you are not really ready to settle down and marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. I now a couple that have been married, happily, for about 15 years and they have an open relationship but most people can't handle that sort of thing. I think you should talk with your fiance about this, he may surprise you and be willing to try a few things before the wedding so you can see how it works out, or maybe he won't but you need to know before you get married. I know several people who "have their cake and eat it too" but that depends on you...Can you handle lying and deceiving your spouse till death do you part? If you tell him 5 years down the road because you are overcome with guilt, you may feel better but he will be hurt, angry and fell that everything was one big lie. Trust is hard to build and even harder to get back once lost. Good luck to you...
2007-01-03 20:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by ex-para333 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish! I'm engaged and I'll be honest, I still think about an attractive guy every now and then and although I wouldn't act on these thoughts either, sometimes the concept of being with only one person for the rest of my life scares the living crap out of me.
You've just got to try and search deep down to know if you're truly ready to get married and if you're feeling totally committed. No doubt you obviously love your fiance but sometimes, love isn't eenough if you're just not ready for commitment. Bottom line, you've still got time....what's the rush???
(ps, i really need to take my own advice here).
2007-01-03 19:43:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you'll be able to eat your cake in this case. I too was wild once and settled down thinking I was doing the right thing. It's been 9 years and I long for the carefree life I had before. I wish I would have continued my search for someone more capatable with me, not who I might be compatable with.
2007-01-03 19:42:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anna Hennings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it all comes down to this.you say you think about your other life often .that is not good you have to decide what you want more in life .to marry your fiance are to go back to what you had before. you cant have both, but i think deep down inside you already know that. you went this long without those wild ways,and i think it would be worth staying away from all that just remember you can only party so long but you can have your husband a lot longer
2007-01-03 19:46:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to want some excitement in your life. The problems with your desires are that fulfillment could lead to addiction, STDs, hurt feelings, divorce, and the feelings of an unfulfilled life at some point. You can still do wild things with your husband, but I would limit my actions to him and fantasy.
2007-01-03 19:44:10 · answer #7 · answered by Scott K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not possible to have your cake, and eat it too. It might be for a little while, but everything will catch up with you eventually. Maybe you don't love him as much as you think you do. Maybe you're not ready to commit to this guy. I'd do a whole lot of thinking before I jumped into a marriage with him. It would be a shame to have another failed marriage on your record.
2007-01-03 19:43:28 · answer #8 · answered by mojojo66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No
Your fiance is the only cake you are going to have and be able to eat.
If you can't commit don't marry the poor guy.
2007-01-03 19:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by kherome 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's normal to think about other men, thats just human nature. but u CANNOT ruin what u have now by cheating or going back to ur wild ways. it's obvious u really matured, lets not take steps back.
2007-01-03 19:44:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think now that you're on the right path you should stay there. Sometimes, when we think about things we forget about all the f***ed up stuff that happened. If you want to get wild~~~do it with YOUR man .
2007-01-03 19:43:17 · answer #11 · answered by rhonda y 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋