how do you explain death to a child?

Question

the child is 5 VERY TENDERHEARTED!!! please help

Answer 1

the best thing to do is to be honest.
don't tell them that the person has "gone to sleep"
it could cause sleeping issues in your child
there are some great books at Barnes and Noble (no I don't work there ) just go there alot.
go to the children's section and ask one of the sales people.
We used "The Kids' Book About Death And Dying by and for kids
by Eric E Rofes and the unit at Fayerweather Street School.
Used it when my daughter was 3 and my Mom Passed Away.
Sorry for your Loss.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. The most important thing to remember is that you should tell your child the truth. Don't say they're just away on vacation or lie about the way they died. It can cause lots of confusion if you don't. Also, don't tell him/her the person "just went to sleep" because it is very likely that your child will associate sleep with death and be scared about that. If you have religious beliefs, definitely incorporate that into it. I would say that the person (was sick/got in an accident/whatever happened) and died. They went to heaven and even though we are sad that we won't see them anymore, we should also be happy because they are with God now in heaven. Explain that although their body is in heaven, they will always be watching over us. You should adjust this message and what details you go into depending on the child's relationship to the person and how close they were. I absolutely believe in heaven and also think it also helps a child to feel better knowing that the person is somewhere describable. It is very hard to explain death to a child a such a young age if you can't explain where they are now except "they're just gone." Also depending on the child's relationship with the person, it would be a good idea to find a counselor for your child. There are many counselors that work with children and specifically deal with greif/loss. Your child may or may not react right away (again I don't know who you lost) but will most likely have questions at some point. Tell them you love them and that they can ask questions or talk about the person whenever they want to. Although it can be hard when you yourself are grieving, be open to your child's feelings and emotions as much as possible. Understand that some children cry, while others act out or withdraw so look for any behavior changes as a result of what they're feeling. I hope everything goes as well as possible and again I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Depends on your spiritual beliefs! If your belief is so, then it's easy to explain about Heaven. If you're atheist, then I guess you just have to be factual and say it's a part of life, everyone and every living thing will eventually die.

Most kids are pretty pragmatic, even tenderhearted ones, as long as you don't lose the plot yourself. They'll take as much information on board as they want at one time, then will return with questions or for more clarification.

Good luck, this is one of the unpleasant lessons we have to teach our kids.

Answer 4

There is an excellent book, if you can find it, called "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf (a story of life for all ages)" by Leo Buscaglia.

It explains life and death in a very non-threatening way. The book came out in 1982, so I'm not sure if it is out of print. I would try a library.

Even if I don't get best answer, which I'm not trying for, I still reccomend this book.

Answer 5

Be honest. I have a three year old and she saw my grandma when she was dead and my sister's stillborn baby. I was honest with her and warned her before she saw them. I explained they are dead. I told her the baby won't cry or move (at this point she very upset) and that she would never cry or move. I explained the same thing with grandma (who she clearly recognized). She was upset a little bit, but she was accepting of the idea. I explained everyone dies someday, but that it's okay because it's supposed to happen. It's a touchy issue and I don't think there is any set answer on how to explain it but I would be as honest and clear as possible. Remember our children don't always have the deeper understanding of a soul like we do. So keep it simple and on their level.

Answer 6

There are lots of good books out there to help kids understand death. Someone mentioned The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, and there are newer ones as well. I think there's a good one out there right now written by Maria Shriver, I just can't remember the name. You can do a search on Amazon.
Whatever you do, do not lie to your child and tell her someone went to sleep, or went away for awhile, that will only make it worse and might even make her afraid to fall asleep. And don't dodge her questions, try your best to answer them.
Here's a link for the Maria Shriver book, it should also have a list of similar books:
http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Heaven-Maria-Shriver/dp/0307440435/sr=1-1/qid=1167871437/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-6161536-5933717?ie=UTF8&s=books

Answer 7

death is a touchy subject and alot of factors have to weigh in the decision...is the person someone close to the child or someone he or she only knows kinda distantly? do you have certain religous beliefs that could help explain the death or no? has the child known the person very long? i mentor with my church a program for children who have suffered a death in their families and the most important thing we emphasize is not to lie to the child that the person who died is sleeping or gone away on a trip..children are more versatile then we think...understand he or she may not cry or really seem to care at the point that you tell him or her but they are absorbing it and in their own time they will come to you with questions or just to talk about the person that passed...dont turn them away or make them feel silly for asking...they may not understand completely or they may have overheard someone else talking about it and get confused that way....if you are religious, i recommend seeing if there is a group your child can attend with his or her peers to help understand, if not there are lots of great books out there to explain death to a young child as well as helping the parent (caregiver) explain it...but please bear in mind all the factors i asked in the beginning...hope it helps and God Bless you and your child during this difficult time....

Answer 8

We've used a glove with and without your hand inside it...or a puppet to demonstrate the living spirit within our bodies. Maybe you can use it to help show how life inside us makes our bodies alive and when we die, (depending on your religion) that life leaves the body and goes to heaven. Help the child to grieve for it is normal. They may not right now or may say something later on that will show they are missing that person. Be attentive and allow her or him to talk.

Answer 9

Best to start off explaining about heaven then talk about who has died and that they are living with god now.

No matter what you say she is not going to totally understand until she gets a little older.

Do things to remember the person who has died. I found it helped a lot when my dad died at a young age.

Answer 10

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES WE TRY TO EXPLAIN TO
THEM, THEY REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND. MY FATHER
PASSED AWAY 3-22-06, AND MY GRAND-DAUGHTER IS
JUST 4, BUT AT THE TIME SHE WAS 3. WELL WE WOULD
GO VISIT HIM AND ABOUT A FEW DAYS LATER HE PASSED
AWAY. MY DAUGHTER (9 AT THE TIME, NOW 10) WAS BY HIS
SIDE, MY MOM, SISTERS AND MY BROTHERS-IN-LAWS AND
MY SELF WAS THERE UNTIL HIS VERY LAST BREATH. WHEN
MY SON-IN-LAW BROUGHT MY DAUGHTER AND MY GRAND-
DAUGHTERS OVER SHE GIVE HIM A HUG AND A KISS AFTER
WE EXPLAINED TO HER THAT HE PASSED AWAY, TILL THIS
DAY SHE THINKS HE IS STILL EITHER IN CHURCH WITH
THE PASTOR, OR IN CONVALESCENT HOME. SHE ALWAYS
SAYS LETS GO SEE PAPA, I WOULD RESPOND PAPA
IS IN HEAVEN AND UP IN THE SKY, HER RESPOND IS I
CAN'T SEE HIM. SO UNTIL THEY UNDERSTAND A LITTLE MORE THEN WE CAN CONTINUE TELLING THEM WHERE
THEY ARE UNTIL THEY COMPREHEND. I EVEN TELL HER
WERE GOING TO VISIT PAPA AT THE CEMETERY AND
SHE WILL SAY I DIDN'T SEE PAPA. SO LIKE I SAY WE JUST
HAVE TO GIVE THEM TIME TO UNDERSTAND.