PLEASE PLEAAAAAAASE Can anyone HELP ME!?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 9 and half months, and I would never have guessed she was a virgin. She is such a beautiful girl on the inside and out, I mean she's gorgeous!!!!! And can have any guy she wants. She is 24 years old and wants to have sex; but every time we get close to having sex she freaks out! The last time I went down on her for the first time everything was going fine then her legs began to tremble; until she was on the brink of an orgasm, and sobbing, no, over, and over again. I immediately stopped and held her in my arms (like always when she about to have an orgasm!) I held her in my arms while she cried, and told her everything’s going to be okay. I've tried several times to get her to have an orgasm, but nothing works. She’s too afraid! I thought that maybe she was raped or something like that but she assured me that’s not the case, and that she’s never had an orgasm before, and gets a little frighten when she about to have one. I want her to be ready before we have intercourse for the first time but I a man and I need to get laid!!!! Don’t get me wrong I love her very much, and care about how she feels, but how can I help her over come her fear?

I've posted this question more then once, and has gotten little to no answers. SO someone please help me out!
Please Share your opinion!

I’ve asked her more then once if anything happen to her sexually in the pass, against her own will. And it’s the same answer all the time “no”. The only thing I can come up with is that she was adopted when she was a baby into a really strict religious family who never talks and (FROWN UPOAN) anything sexual. But (Violet) my girlfriend has nothing against sex, and we talk about it all the time.
Could it be that being raised in a in a strict family and never really talking about sex, be the reason for her problem???

To: Anthony T
My girlfriend is not a lesbian
Thanks for try to help though

This is not a made up question
And i'm not trying to force her I'll wait as long as she need me to.

Answer 1

Okay, I'm going to approach this like it is for real but several things in your question don't add up.

If your GF is 24, georgeous and a virgin, it is on purpose. She either has moral values that are preventing her from enjoying sexual relations outside of marriage, she has had some type of tramatic experience previously, or some other significant barrier that based on your question you have not discovered.

You have been going out for 9 months, obviously she likes you. She doesn't want to lose you but doesn't want to betray or or isn't able to overcome whatever it is in her life that is preventing her from enjoying the experience.

You have wore her down or she has given in to the point of oral stimulation but in either case it is not healthy and is causing mental distress.

You say you want her to be ready but obvoiusly from your question you are more concerned about your own need to get laid than for her well being.

If you really cared for her and wanted her to be ready you would back off, spend time talking and getting to know her better. You wouldn't have to be searching for support in your quest, you would be nurturing and trying to do anything to help build her esteem and self worth not in search of a lay.

I am obviously having a hard time taking this question serious because either you are not mature enough to be in the relationship or you are just pulling our legs and possibly other things here.

I'm sorry, if you really are serious about this, you need to step back and examine the situation. Continuing on the course you are describing is potentially disaterous, for her at least. If you love her talk to her and seek professional help if necessary.

P.S.

I just read your addtional detail added a few moments ago. Yes being raised in a religous family with strict morals about sex can have an impact even if she is no longer affiliated with the religon or family for that matter. She may still hold convictions about the wrongness of sex outside of marrige. Something still doesn't add up though, at the very least you to are not being open and honest with one another and that is reason enough to not be having sex even oral sex. If you are really serious you may email me and I will take time to try to help.

Answer 2

WOW you are a fantastic boyfriend to be so supportive of her. First off you need to make her relax a bit more cook her a nice meal with some candles and some nice romantic music. Just talk about anything but avoid the subject of sex. Later give her a massage with some soothing oils or something and then let her massage you. She may enjoy it more if she gave you a bit of physical attention. Take things in her stride and let her approach you about the subject. I'm sure that when she feels completley comfortable things will go further at least when ur not expecting it to happen. Stick by her and things will turn out for the best. Or even just make love without actually having full intercourse that may help her to relax more. Good luck.

Answer 3

The scars of a religious childhood! No matter how cool a girl is with sex, if she's been brought up in a strict environment, it can be difficult for her to relax fully no matter how much she wants to. Also, has she had many domineering male figures in her life? (father, brothers, past boyfriends etc) It could be a fear of surrendering control to a man and trusting him not to manipulate her. Maybe you guys could go to psychosexual therapy together? You're doing the best thing you can do by being supportive and understanding. She's lucky to have such an understanding fella and I hope you guys work it out and have a long and satisfying relationship!

Answer 4

Well right here is an answer--http://www.answers.com/topic/orgasm
Scroll on down there and you'll see this part--
Orgasmic dysfunction
The inability to have orgasm is called anorgasmia, ejaculatory anhedonia, or inorgasmia. In situations where orgasm is desired, anorgasmia is mainly thought of as being caused by an inability to relax, or 'let go'. It seems to be closely associated with performance pressure and an unwillingness to pursue pleasure, as separate from the other person's satisfaction. It was the psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich, in his 1927 book The Function of the Orgasm, who first made orgasm central to the concept of mental health and defined neurosis in terms of blocks to having full orgasm.

For a variety of reasons, some people choose to fake an orgasm.

A recent Redbook survey shows that 52% of women regularly fake orgasms. Only 17% of women are likely to have an orgasm during sexual intercourse. 43% of women report “some kind of sexual problem” – like inability to achieve orgasm, boredom with sex, or total lack of interest in sex.[20]

Ever try to get her drunk or high? That might loosen her up enough to be able to let herself go. The last thing you want to do is put more pressure on her--so don't. And don't dump on her either! She could always see a sex therapist--i'd try getting her tipsy first.
It's mostly a treatable thing--so don't be all selfish and dump her--sheesh go rent a porno if you have to and have a good time by yourself.

Answer 5

She's a 24 year old virgin. Do you know the strength and will-power it takes this day and age to maintain that status? Don't get me wrong I'm not a virgin, but I admire her for maintaining her purity and being such a beautiful girl as you describe her. I wouldn't want you or any other guy for that matter to "deflower" her outside of marriage. So why don't you marry her first. And if you are not ready to marry her then you shouldn't be ready to take away something so precious and pure that she's had for along time (by todays standards).

Answer 6

You are doing the right thing by being patient and being there for her. Even though she said nothing happened to her, there might be a small possibility that maybe something did happen and she's too ashamed to tell you. Or maybe she just isn't ready yet.If you really love this woman, you will be patient and take your time with her. Ask her why she feels so afraid. Tell her you are there for her for anything, and if she starts to feel scared, stop whatever you're doing and comfort her. If she happens to finally reveal the reason why she is scared, you could also consider couple's counseling. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Though she says she is ready, she obviously is not. Don't try to rush her into anything. You don't want to be the man she regrets. She may be afraid that she'll regret losing her virginity to you. Which is understandable no matter the person. It probably wouldn't be anything personal towards you, but it may just be an inner fear that she is losing her virginity to the wrong person. You need to confront her on this issue and find out. If it persists, then you and her need to go to couples therapy.

If you really care for this girl, you'll put her needs in front of your want to get laid.

Good luck, mate.

-India-

Answer 8

Get her a vibrator and get her to have some time alone, once she can make her self have an orgasm she will relax and then there will be stopping her. The other thing you could do is to try and stop thinking with your d**k and give her some time, if you truly do love her, whats another few months or weeks of waiting for the right time

Answer 9

Hi there....

Tell her she should try to "play" with herself lol... don't say it in a perverted way, but honestly if she's never had one before she should try it by herself when there is no one else around so she can see it isn't scary.

She sounds like a sweet girl, you should put off your manly urges ("I NEED to get laid") and hold onto her until she is ready. It may take a while but there are other things than getting laid, and it will happen eventually if you don't push her too much. You seem to be sweet to her, though.. keep it up. There's nothing for her to be afraid of.

Answer 10

Hiya, I do think there is more to it than just being afraid, It does sound to me like she may have been abused. I can understand your frustrations but she really needs to be more open to you, If she cant be open with you and tell you whats stopping her from having an orgasm then she isnt letting herself be open enough to have intercourse with you. She may not have been raped.... But maybe touched intimately when she was younger and has flash backs when ever she is touched intimately now... Im just speaking from experiance as i was also abused and went through this kind of stage with my ex... Id cry when i was touched, but was too scared to tell him why, he never did find out the truth until after we broke up, and needless to say, it was the reason we broke up, I just couldnt open up.