I lost something valuable of someone how do I tell them about it?

Question

I'm shy, nervous very nervous. Because it was very valuable. How do I go to them and tell them the truth? What do I say?

Answer 1

1. Is it easily replaceable (ie financially valuable, but not emotionally)?

If so, replace it. If you can't replace it right away, find out where you can get the replacement, and then tell your friend what you've done and that you've ordered the replacement. If they tell you not to bother, DO IT ANYWAY. Even if they let you off the hook, you should not let yourself off the hook. REPLACE IT.

2. is it irreplaceable (emotionally valuable)?

If so, be up front about it. Accept full responsibility. Don't make light of it, and expect them to be angry. If they get angry, be contrite and let them be angry. If they get depressed, be contrite and let them be depressed. Under no circumstances say anything like "it wasn't that important", or "are we okay?" or "you'll have to get over it" -- or the worst, "it wasn't my fault" -- you caused the pain, and you can't fix it, so they set the terms of their healing, not you. No excuses, no BS. You screwed up, and they'll forgive you if/when they're ready.

And if they end their friendship with you over it, accept it and move on, because it was your fault and you're responsible -- you're not in a position to complain, even if it was stolen (or lost in some other fashion that tempts you to think "it wasn't my fault").

#3: it's replaceable -- but so expensive that you can't afford to replace it.

REPLACE IT. You make $14,000 a year, but you lost a $30,000 BMW? Tough nuts. You took that responsibility on. So now you put aside a certain amount of money a week, and as you make more money, you ramp up that amount. Every month you write them a check, and you take responsibility for what happened. There are people far, far deeper in debt than the situation I describe above -- and yes, you did incur a debt here! -- for reasons that are much less their fault than this is yours.

No skipping months -- if all you have is $10, you give $10 -- and no buying yourself nice things until it's paid off. If that means no PS3 or what have you, tough. Welcome to life, this is a vital lesson for you. If it takes you fifteen years to pay it off, PAY IT OFF.

Answer 2

You go up to the person and tell him/her that you have something very important that you need to talk to them about. When you have him/her alone, you let the person know that you have done something that you feel terrible about and you will do what is necessary to make it up to them. (and mean it!!!) Then you tell the person what you have lost. The person will probably be very upset, but at least he/she knows that you did not do it intentionally and that you are truely sorry about it. I'm sure the person will understand and it may take a few days or so but he/she will forgive you.

Answer 3

I've done something silmilar, and have tried handleing it different ways. i think most importantly, dont let them find out and ask you about it. make sure you tell them about it. if they are going to be upset about it, then they are going to be upset about it either way, at least if you tell them they wil be upset about the loss, and view you as a honest person who made a mistake, instead of a coward.
You will feel beter afterwards compared to how you feel now too.; i promise.
Good luck.

Answer 4

whatever you do, DO NOT lie. they may be hurt and see you as careless for losing someting they love so much, but hopefully they'll realize it's just a "thing". i'd ask you to pay me back if i were that person, maybe they will be decent enough to set up payment arrangements with you. good luck. dont beat around the bush!

Answer 5

Best thing to do is just tell them straight out.

Take a deap breath, put the sad face on and say, "I'm sorry so&so, I lost your blankityblank. I'm really REALLY sorry."

And offer to replace it if possible...or ask what you can do to make up for it.

Answer 6

Just be honest and tell them. They will probably be angry but they may get over it and forgive you. Next time if you borrow something you should take extra care not to lose it.

Answer 7

Just tell them straight up. Take your medicine like a man. Grow a spine, dude.

Answer 8

More details would make it easier to answer.
How about:
"I have something awful to tell you and I feel just horrible about it. I can't even find the right words to say it. Please understand that I would like to make this up to you somehow, but I lost your ________."

Answer 9

Tell them straight out. The longer you wait the harder it gets.

They might find out on their own and then you REALLY look bad.

Answer 10

"[NAME], I hate to say this but I lost your _______. I feel really bad about it and I'm willing to replace it."

That last part is important. If he is a really good friend, he will say don't worry about it. But you still should do what you can to replace whatever it was.