My girlfriend afraid to have an orgasm, what should I do?
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 9 and half months, and I would never have guessed she was a virgin. She is such a beautiful girl on the inside and out, I mean she's gorgeous!!!!! And can have any guy she wants. She is 24 years old and wants to have sex; but every time we get close to having sex she freaks out! The last time I went down on her for the first time everything was going fine then her legs began to tremble; until she was on the brink of an orgasm, and sobbing, no, over, and over again. I immediately stopped and held her in my arms (like always when she about to have an orgasm!) I held her in my arms while she cried, and told her everything’s going to be okay. I've tried several times to get her to have an orgasm, but nothing works. She’s too afraid! I thought that maybe she was raped or something like that but she assured me that’s not the case, and that she’s never had an orgasm before, and gets a little frighten when she about to have one. I want her to be ready before we have intercourse for the first time but I a man and I need to get laid!!!! Don’t get me wrong I love her very much, and care about how she feels, but how can I help her over come her fear?
2007-01-03 07:58:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like she's afraid of letting go and/or losing control, which is very common. Is she happy to have sex without orgasm? If so, just concentrate on giving her pleasure and don't worry about whether or not she comes. Tell your girlfriend you would obviously like her to have an orgasm but you want it to happen naturally for her, so you will take the pressure off and it it happens for her, great, if not, no big deal. She's probably feeling anxious about orgasm and this will make her less likely to reach it, so if you make it clear the pressure is off then this will ease her mind. For someone to orgasm they need ot be relaxed and at ease. Does she masturbate? I know it's a sensitive subject to approach but you could ask her if she manages to achieve orgasm by herself. If she does, then it's a letting go thing and this can easily be sorted out once she feels ready to let go during sex.
If the whole sex thing is making her uncomfortable, suggest to her that you just focus on cuddling and petting for now, with no sex. Once she feels the pressure is off she might well find she feels more relaxed about sex and able to orgasm.
Stay with it, you're obviously a supportive guy and it's only natural you miss sex but it will be worth it once you're girlfriend relaxed and starts to trust you enough to let go. If nothing I've said works, perhaps your girlfriend might benefit from a sex therapist as there might be deeper issues that are stopping her from letting go. Good luck!
2007-01-03 09:29:08 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its only ever going to happen when she's relaxed and comfortable enough. It takes time an trust, lots an lots.
Is it the feeling of losing control that she's worried about?
Basically dude I'd get her to talk to another woman about it and hopefully remove any fears she has.
Some people take a very long time to get used to that feeling, it can be very overwhelming. Just try an find out what it is thats making her so afraid and reassure her its totally natural.
You'd be surprised how many females don't know the difference between cumming an achieving an orgasm.
Just try not to rush, I can relate to your frustration, but you know its worth the wait, its usually the way that the ones who take the most time to build up that trust are the craziest with you when they've got it. Its always a compliment when someone can trust you enough to achieve that with them. Its obvious that you care about her so just hang in there dude.
2007-01-03 08:12:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
orgasms can be very powerful, and for the first time yeah a bit of a shock. they also a relief, and sometimes the relief causes girls to cry. i think maybe sex counsellor could help, i think maybe she shy or embarrased, some girls find it hard to let go. its a very intimate thing. im sure it will all work out, but maybe a third party who could explain to both of you whats happening when she feels like this, ie an experienced sex therapist, would help a lot and enable her to let go of whatever is holding her back. good luck to you bth, you obviously love her very much so keep up the good work and youll both be swinging from the ceiling in no time!
2007-01-03 09:52:14 · answer #3 · answered by cookie 85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have got to be patient and it sound like she is more terrified of penetration than having an orgasm,trying manually stimulating her until she has an orgasm,and dont be in a rush to penetrate
you need to ask if she can orgasm on her own?
if so she will probably feel more relaxed on her own ,and patience is the key if you really feel for her
good luck
2007-01-03 08:10:40 · answer #4 · answered by KEVIN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There could be a deeper rooted issue than just freaking out before an orgasm. There may have been some sort of trauma that she has suppressed and it's now coming out in this way. Join her in going to counseling or have her go to counseling. One way or another something is terribly wrong.
2007-01-03 08:03:21 · answer #5 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
tease her. Every time you know she is close, pull out and don't restart till the next time. If she asks questions tell her you are doing what she wants. It might be frustrating for you but it will biukld up her frustration as well , gradually. tease her untill she won't let you stop,.. lol. Good luck
2007-01-03 08:19:37 · answer #6 · answered by shortnotsilly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to get your girlfriend to explore her own body so she can work out just how far to go. even if this means you go to Ann summers and get some toys for her to use and you can be there at the same time and use this as your foreplay. and you will both get the passion that you desire.
2007-01-03 08:05:42 · answer #7 · answered by truckiechicken 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you havent talked to her before, chat to her about it, but only if she feels comfortable! let her be on top of you, and if she wants to leave, she can leave. my friend was in the sort of siutation a while back, she was scared incase she got pregnant or incase she got an STI...im probly not much help whatsoever but just talk to her about it, if she doesnt want to have the conversation with you, then leave it, wait until shes ready x
2007-01-03 08:05:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
She may be a bit concious about it. You must really make her feel relaxed and if she's not, then it's harder for her! Eventually she will come to you, you need to be patient. =)
2007-01-03 08:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by angelfairy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just make her feel comfertable i was scared at first to but just experiment together it will be fun and it will come naturally to her not being rude but tell her to try and make herself have one trust me i know it will be ok good luck and happy loving .
2007-01-03 08:05:39 · answer #10 · answered by helena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋