Is this what I should expect from visiting the inlaws?

Question

This past holiday we went to visit my husbands family. I hadn't met his brothers, but I'd met his sister once.

The first thing his mother did when his sister got to their house was call me over and hand me the baby. After, awhile I put the baby down. Then when the brothers got their with the wives and kids. They started doing the exact same thing.

This went on for a few hours, until I started to walk around.

I felt really uncomfortable, because they didn't really talk to me. Just handed me the kids.

Then his mother said that they wanted to send of the 3 year olds, to us to visit. Well, we live 3000 miles away and we both work.

Is this what inlaws do? We just got married and aren't thinking about a family. We are both young and work.

Is this what I should expect everytime we visit?

Answer 1

When your obnoxious in-laws ask if they can bring the three year olds to visit, say "sure, do you like them boiled or baked", then laugh and say "no really, we're working adults and our house is not set up for the safety of three year olds, maybe when their older."

Get a backbone now or they will run and quite possible ruin your life.

Answer 2

Maybe they are trying to hint to you to have a baby. In any event, you are not a babysitter and shouldn't be treated like one.

If it comes up again, tell them you would love a visit from the kids but that mom and dad would have to come with since you and your husband both work. Hopefully it was just one of those comments.

Next family function, keep moving around so you don't get stuck being a babysitter. Perhaps hold a wineglass as you walk around to deter anyone from giving you a baby or child. Ask people questions or else stand near a group who is having a conversation. Eventually, you will be included.

Answer 3

If you had a problem with it why didnt you say something at the time?

You allergic to kids? Seems like your inlaws dont know you from a bump on a log and are trying to some how include you in their lives. There lives are their kids, as it is with most families. You dont seem like someone who's overly enthusiastic about meet and greets and initiating coversations and friendships with new people, and theyre probably unsure of how to include you in their circle since you're like that.

They certainly like you and trust you, or they wouldnt be risking their childrens well being with you. Relationships take work and effort... you cant just expect them to be instant friends... but they certainly were being friendly. Maybe you should express how you're uncomfortable with kids, and the thought of caring for them right now, and then reciprocate their friendliness with conversation and trying to make friends through other venues besides children and procreating.

I think you're just being sensitive.

Answer 4

It depends on the familys.

Stuff like that was common in my moms side of the family, on my dads side it wasn't.

Some familys do the share thing when taking care of the kids.

One thing to do is to talk with the inlaws and let them know that your not used to their way. Start a dialog and see what you all can work out. Just remember to be nice and act a bit like an outsider (which you still are for awhile). It takes time to get use to new family so just hang in there.

Answer 5

Well the good news is you live so far away. THIS MAKES YOU THE LUCKIEST WIFE IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well except those people whos in-laws are dead. lol. Although I am engaged to my fiance, I'm already spending the night at her house almost daily, and seem to get along (sometimes) with my in-laws. My sister in-laws aren't so bad so far. But whenever things get kinda shaky I just stay away from her family for a few weeks or more, and spend time with her and only her instead. And sometimes her kids aswell. What I would do though if in your shoes is take advantage of your distance relationship, and visit them say only on holidays, or even less, like maybe once a year if even that. Let him go and visit them whenever he wants. Also build a strong powerfull friendship with a member of the family other then your hubby. That way you can tell her in top secret confidentiality what bugs you and she can find ways to rescue you. I personally believe in keeping my soon to be wife and step kids far away from my family just to avoid situations like yours, but try to connect with her family to build strong social status with hers. Think of it as politically building ties, and gaining votes, but also trying to avoid any situation that can turn sour. email me if you have any questions.

Answer 6

It is a tough thing to adapt to a family that can be so different than yours, especially when you & your husband are so compatible! I know that when my husband and I announced we were pregnant, his family was a lot more excited than mine. His family would like us to have lots of children, but we only want one. Maybe your husband could have a private talk with his mother about not pressuring you to hold and entertain the children so much. I think sometimes it is hard for people to understand that some people do not feel the need to have children or are waiting for the right time.

Answer 7

Try telling this to your husband and see how he reacts to it. If he makes a stand for you and stays in the same perspective with you, you're safe. But if you notice his silence if not permissive response towards his mother and relatives' behaviors, you might need some private discussion with him regarding their ignorance.
No, inlaws aren't supposed to make you feel discomfort, they're supposed to make you feel like you WANT to belong in the family. But to be positive, just relax and try to adapt to them. Afterall, you'll only meet them like what, twice every year?
Good luck and may you have a long and healthy happy marriage :))

Answer 8

I guess this is how they are. I would say that taking on someone elses child for a visit is too much, just explain that this is not possible for you to do. After you get to know them and have some things in common it will smooth out.

Answer 9

That is odd. My in-laws are not like that at all. I would suggest next time you visit if that happens perhaps you should say " I am not very comfortable holding (insert name). But he/she is adorable." Or talk with your hubby about it and see if he can advise something that would work. Good luck aren't in-laws fun?!?

Answer 10

Sounded like they were using you as a babysitter. I wouldn't have felt comfortable either. Next time, run the other way.