Was i too harsh???

Question

The cleaning lady found a pregnancy test under my daughters bed and i confronted her angry.I told her that since i had gone over the importance of waiting for the right person or at least till she was 18 and what the forms of birth control are used ie pill/condoms.I also told her where they were available to get.That if she were to get pregnant at 17 i would kick her out of the house.

I did not mean to be harsh the fact of the matter is i had her when i was in my second year of college and i had to struggle to finish college.I dont want her to go through all that.

Answer 1

You do not truly love her if you would ever kick her out of the house for getting pregnant. You would be more in love with your own vision than the actual child and her own destiny. Also, if you foolishly pulled out in front of a car and were injured in a crash, would it be love if your daughter kicked you out of HER life for being stupid? That is about control, not love. Families stick together when one makes mistakes.

Answer 2

If she doesn't have any where to go then yes you were being too harsh. There's no way she's going to be able to get a place on her own being 17 besides most places you have to be 21. I understand why your upset but if you push her away and she has no one else to turn to than you will put her in a huge depression and we both know that's no good for the baby. I had a friend that got pregnant at the age of 20 and since she was still living at home her mom wanted to kick her out. Although she was old enough to take care of herself she couldn't get an apartment because of her credit and the baby's father wanted nothing to do with it. So since she had no one by her side she had an abortion. Poor thing, i couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of mother would allow her child to go through something like that. I understand that we as parents try to teach our children the right way but sometimes these things happen, it's life. What will it solve by kicking her out? If she is pregnant then her health and the baby's is very important and so is having your mothers support! I was 18 when i got pregnant with my son and of course my mom was upset but she also knows life isn't always the way you plan it to be, you have to roll with it. So she stayed by my side and with her support and my fiance's we got through it and had a beautiful baby boy. That's what family is all about!

Answer 3

I think that you may have been a bit harsh, you don't want her to be so scared of talking to you about certain situations that she just shuts down and decides not to talk to you about anything and talking about sex with your kids isn't necessarily telling them to wait until they're 18 and letting them know about birth control methods, tell her about some of your personal experiences and the people that you knew when you were her age and what they had to go through from becoming pregnant at an early age. I think it's great that you let her know that you didn't agree with her current actions. Make her feel like you identify with her and maybe you've been where she is right now with her sexual emotions. The worst thing to do is to make her believe that you won't be there for her as her mother if she were to end up in that situation. But when I was 17 I graduated from high school and I was making my own money. So I'm not sure what your exact situation is but you don't want to push her away from you.

Answer 4

Despite what some of these folks say, your reaction sounds typical of a concerned parent. I would however suggest that you 2 sit down and discuss it in a calm matter. If you felt you were harsh, then that is the time to say so.

Try to explain what happened to you when you got pregnate and all the problems you had.

Most kids have no clue about everything the mothers lose when they have a kid at a young age. Their life as they knew it is essentially over and having gone through that tough time, you can hopefully let her know that you don't want her to make the same mistake you did.

Answer 5

In a way I would have to say yes. To tell your child you would kick her out doesn't really help at all. You need to let her know what it's like to have a child and it's not easy. Telling her you are going to kick her out is like telling her you would abandon her. If it did happen that would be when she would need you the most. Tell her having a child young will ruin her life. She will not be able to go out when she wants to, all her money will go to her child, she will need a job and it will be hard to get one. Basically make sure she knows children take time and A LOT of HARD work. But make sure she knows you will always be there for her. Take it from a young mom (I was 14 whe I got pregnant 15 when I had my daughter) if I knew what it was going to be like I would of waited. (I didn't mean for it to happen but i didn't do anything for it to not happen) I can say I was lucky my daughters father has been my 1st and only we are married and doing good. Not everyone is that lucky. Make sure she knows all the hard things about raising a child and to wait until her life is together before it happens. Good luck and I hope she waits.

Answer 6

I got pregnant at 18 and my father kicked me out. I was 2 weeks from attending college on a scholarship when I found out that I was pregnant. For a week I stayed with friends until my Mother convinced my Dad to allow me to come home. My Dad demanded that I not embarress my family and that I marry the Dad within 2 weeks...which I did (I had been dating him for 2 years and we had just broke it off when I found out that I was pregnant...but here we are married now.)...I didn't go to college. I didn't stay married either. After 6 years of abuse and another child I left him. My father accepted my pregnancy before my son was born but forever I remember his reaction to finding out about the pregnancy.

You may have been too harsh, but that is a typical reaction. Talk to her, let her know that you are disappointed but you are not turning her away and TAKE her to get birth control and condoms. But if she is pregnant or ends up pregnant, don't kick her out please. This will be your grandchild for the rest of your life...In one year your daughter will be old enough to not have to answer to you and would be taking care of her child alone...do you really want to turn her away when 2-3 years from now she could be legally taking care of herself and her child and you have no opportunity to be a part of it's life? The fact that she was 17 when she got pregnant would no longer be important...

This really is irrelevant though. Your daughter isn't pregnant yet. It's time to educate, discuss concerns, etc...Again, apologize but also express your disappointment...you don't want to just say "I'm sorry I said that" and then leave it at that...that would seem like you are giving the thumbs up to be sexually active.

Answer 7

You are right for what you did. I hate it when i see the mothers at the mall with their daughters and the girlfriends and the mother is dressed up like she is just one of the girls. You need to be her mother. It is good for your kids to be scared of you, they'll respect you for it latter if they don't now. There is no reason for kids to be having sex. She should focus on establishing a life for herself and when the time come find a good man to marry and raise moral children. If she doesn't want to do that, if she wants to be a typical American exibitionist Paris Hilton slut, beat her and send her to the homeless shelter. If I were you, I wouldn't put her in a private school, take away her T.V, cell phone, and computer until she is 18. Then if she wants those things she can go get a job and earn them for herself.

Answer 8

I think you were definitely too harsh. Clearly you didn't make her feel comfortable enought to talk to you about sex. You can't force your kids to abstain. You don't have to agree that sex is the best thing for her to be doing, but if you hadn't been so judgmental, she may have felt comfortable talking to you about birth control or possible pregnancy. I mean, you threatened to kick her out of the house if she got pregnant! Of course she's going to hide her pregnancy test from you!

When I was your daughter's age (actually before) my mom and dad talked to me about sex. They said they would prefer it if I waited until marriage or at least adulthood, BUT, they said if I chose to have sex (since it was my choice, not theirs), I should feel comfortable going to them and telling them so they could help me figure out birth control. When I did become sexually active, I went to my mom and she took me to get the pill. I don't think I could or would have done that without her support (it's scary to go to the ob/gyn for the first time!), and I would have had to rely on someone else (the guy using condoms) to ensure I didn't get pregnant.

The best thing you could do now is to admit you overreacted, be supportive and get her on the pill!

Answer 9

OUCH!! Kick her out of the house when she would need you the most ( if she was pregnant) would be the worse thing you could do..YOU WILL ALIENATE HER and make the situation even worse...My advise is for you to support her no matter how grave a mistake you think she is making.....Everything aside she is still very young and need your support in helping her decide(calmly) in what steps to take next...your daughter and you are in my prayers...God bless you both

Answer 10

No, you are not being too harsh...the other 17 year old tramps posting here may not think so, but not only is she risking pregnancy, she is risking a multitude of sexually transmiited diseases, many of which are not stopable by mean of condoms, etc, such as herpies, crabs and warts, and can last a lifetime...all very common with young adults. I would get her on birth control and/or ground her butt for a while.