Why do parents who support spanking and slapping their kids tend to forget that.....?

Question

fear does not equal respect?

Saying, "don't hit them on the face and don't leave marks" sounds like you took it straight from the How to Abuse your Loved One Without Getting Caught manual. A little sad isn't it?

i think that it is obvious I am NOT talking about a little pat on the butt...just to clarify

i think that it is obvious I am NOT talking about a little pat on the butt...just to clarify

i think some of you are not reading the entire question....i am talking about those who defend themselves against it by saying, "don;t hit them on the face and don;t leave marks," if you have to clarify that then you are obviously NOT just giving them a little swat on the behind.

Answer 1

Wow, there are too many people out there who need to take a child development course. I agree that fear does not equal respect but in our world the easy path to gain "respect" is to hate, be judgmental and oppressive - HItler, Bin Laden, Hussien. The harder road is to be loving, understanding and merciful- Gandi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King.
I have a 7 year old son and I've never had to spank him. I always get compliments from people telling me how well behaved he is. At home he's a typical boy, he plays video games and army guys with his friends, reads. I'm not saying he doesn't cry or get frustrated but through educating myself on better parenting I know why children do what they do and I know how to get good results without hitting and yelling. We have a respectful relationship and I am happy to say I'm not raising a mindless clone who does whatever adults tell him to do. I can always count on him to ask questions of right and wrong. We have been taught to do as we are told but that can be a problem. Anybody remember Nazi Germany? Those soldiers were just doing what they were told.
Good books to understand yourself and your child are:
Helping Your Young Child Flourish- by Althea Salter
The Developing Child -by Helen Bee
For Your Own Good- Alice Miller, this book explores how generations have perpetuated the idea that spanking is ok and also shows how our antiquated ideas of child rearing lead to the worlds most dangerous dictator, Adolf Hitler.
Just remember that just because Grandma spanked mom doesn't mean that it's right. She also probably gave mom Aspirin which is not good to give to children. She didn't know any better but today, with many things we do. Don't give in to hate!

Answer 2

Yes obviously a swat on the butt is different than someone defending their actions by saying, don;t hit the face and don;t leave marks," These people are abusers and should be treated as such. I have never spanked my daughters on the butt for anything, but if one of them is reaching for a hot stove i will slap there hand away, that way they will know, after I explain it to them that touching that stove will hurt one way or another. Same with playing with cords or outlets, a swat on the hand is all they needed. that is not abuse, i believe that what you are talking about is, and yes it is very very sad.

Answer 3

That is the problem with some children now days.. they have no discipline.. Children disobey their parents.. do whatever they want.. hell some even beat their parents.. I do believe in spanking I do not hoever believe in taking anger out on them and beating the holy crap out of them, you are right that dosent teach them anything.. but on the other hand you have some parents who are just totally helpless and even some evens call the police on their parents, when they get in trouble.
I totally think that this has gotton out of control! I think that there should be some kind of discipline I mean my parents never held back with us kids.. I came from a family of six children and we all knew what the belt was.. although I don't use that method in my house .. it did work for my parents. I do however swat my son on his behind if needed .. he is 13 now so it is alot better I think to take away video games and TV.. I think that hurts him the most .. but growing up he did get a swat or two! So no I don't think there is anything wrong with it.. it is called discipline.

Answer 4

We don't forget that. And it is not sad at all. It is in human nature to "wander off" and they need to be reminded once in a while and put back on track. Fear doesn't equal respect but spanking also incites discipline. The child must be aware of the fact that if he does something wrong, there are others watching him. He will be caught and he will be punished for it. He must know that his actions have consequences and he has responsibilities.

You argument is faulty for I can use it to argue that we don't need such things as police, law, or the courts. In fact, you just undermined what religion is built on. Parents to a child are analogous to God to its follower. They both love the other very much. You are also encouraged to go out and learn on your own. But you know very well what is right and wrong and if you STILL do the wrong thing, there will be retributions, you will be punished.

My parents (and other people) spared me no less. And because of that I am very grateful to them. I have had teachers break wooden rulers on to me and you know what the result is, some of the best study habits around, an open mind, and unlimited respect for those who teach me. At least I don't go around shooting my school mates or treating my teachers like crap (which seems to be the norm nowadays).

A child's mind is just a piece of clay and with time, it is hardening. If it is not properly molded early on, it will harden into whatever grotesque and irregular shape it had in the beginning. You as a parent have that responsibility to raise him as a decent human being and make him a productive member of society. In order to mold his mind properly, force and pressure must be applied to get that beautiful structure out of it.

Answer 5

Spanking, slapping, hitting are all the same. Spanking doesn't lead to long-term compliance. It does not teach children right from wrong and may not deter them from misbehaving when their parents are absent. I don't support spanking at all and have never hit my children. I agree with you, they don't fear me therefore they respect me. They are very well behaved, happy, not aggressive and confident. We always get compliments on how great our children are.
Spanking can teach children that it is acceptable for the strong to use force against the weak and also teach that it is okay to hit to solve problems. It is sad that so many parents think it is the only way to teach a child right from wrong. It is so hypocritical that they say "Spank out of love and not anger, or spare the rod or I was spanked and I turned out fine." And my favorite: "There is a difference between spanking and abuse." For one thing, hitting is not biblical, you can't hit out of love and all hitting is a form of abuse.
You understand completely that fear does not equal respect.
Spanking always creates fear in the child. The message a toddler gets from a slap or spanking is that a parent or other loved and trusted adult is prepared to induce pain and even do physical harm to force unquestioning obedience. That's terrifying to a little kid...However well-intentioned, a slap registers as the shattering of the whole deal between parent and child. Young children are left awash in feelings of fear, shame, rage, hostility, self-destructiveness and betrayal that they can't yet resolve or manage. But you will get alot of parents who don't believe this information because they just don't care or they probably just have a high school education alone.

Answer 6

There is a bid difference in spanking a child on the butt and physically abusing a child. A little butt spank wont hurt a child. It will get there attention. There is a time and place to spank a child. A right way and a wrong way to spank a child.

Each parent will find there own way to raise there child. And as long as the child is happy, healthy and love. Does it matter if they get a spanking on the butt.

If a parent cross the line then it should be stopped.

Answer 7

People who support spanking as a means of punishment do so because it works for them. Not because they spank alone, but because they also teach good behavior, expect good behavior and are CONSISTANT about punishing at the time of the offense and not later, and then following up with discussing why the child was punished, just like you would after a time out.

People who DEFEND spanking their kids do so because they want that emotional release for their anger when their children act poorly. When in fact its their anger and inconsistant punishment that causes that poor behavior in the first place. Thats just pathetic parenting.

Spanking isnt about creating fear. Its about a quick attention getting punishment at the time of the offense, and quick resolve. Flying in when angry and whipping a butt or smaking a face is all about making the parent feel good. Theres a difference.

Answer 8

Parents who spank aren't trying to make their kids fear them. The swat represents bad consequeces for decisions the children make. I hear that even worse things happen to the backsides of adults who get in trouble and go to prison. Anyways, I don't think an adult should ever hit a child in the face, but a swat or two I have no problem with. I grew up gettin my hind end whooped and I've never been in trouble with drugs or the law. More power to corporal punishment.

Answer 9

I have been a single mother of 3 for 10 years , now I have just one left, my others are in college . I never hit nor spank my kids , my hands are for hugs , to rub their hair and face when they are sick ,are talks . I always took things away from my children , punish them to their rooms , and did not let them go to a party if there was one , and not let friends come over , you can take a lot of things from a child , but when you hit on them you cannot take that memory away from them . My x -husband always said that a child should fear a parent , we'll that is one reason my children do not go to him today . But they know they can always come to me their mother , I am always here no matter what , and not to judge . The Lord said Spare the rod spoil the child , yes this is true ,that means teach your child about the Bible or they will be far from the Lord , to many people take this as , hit your kids , we'll hands or for love not hitting . Remember one day your kids will have to take care of you , how do you want them to treat you ???? Good Day Friend !

Answer 10

I agree fear does not equal respect. I know someone that does not respect their child & the child is terrified of them. You never see the child ask for anything, the child barely says anything to the parent. I really can't stand that person & i know you don't do wrong for wrong, but I did kick her behind once for the way she treated the child.(not in front of the kids, though)