We have lived together for one year and plan to marry this year. She seems to jump to any request her adult children, Mother, and siblings make. I'm not pouting, just wondering if I'm in her priorities. She will cause hardships on our relationship to travel across the states to see her family monthly and doesn't want to get a job because it bogs her down. Yes, she has been living on my dime and spent a fortune on her family for Christmas.
2007-01-03 07:17:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She woulda got a job for that Christmas crap. I have a friend going through the same thing, he's about sick of it. They are on 1 income too, and she spends money they don't have so she can always get her family presents for stupid little reasons.
Good Luck
Sorry I couldn't help much!
2007-01-03 07:20:07 · answer #1 · answered by angel2005_2001 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well what you need to do is tell her how you feel about this, she does need to know, and let her know that she can't be visiting every month, ask her if they can come everyother month to save strain on your financial situation, as for the christmas situation, it is understandable to buy presents, next time suggest that you buy "family baskets" or make a homemade unique ones together for each of the families, instead of outrageous things for each person in a family, also remind her that her children and mother and siblings are grown ups and that they can't be depending on her fr everything, because if she continues this trend she will be taking advantage up, and let her know that you do need attention, and that a marriage comes first, just like you have her placed first. A bit of advice, is try not to criticize her family because you can and will lose your wife, nd the door swings both ways, she needs to realize this also. Good luck
2007-01-03 08:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by Summer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The normal thing would be to sit down and talk to her about it.
Set a budget and see what happens.
A job bogs her down, my my what would happen if we all thought that way.
Does her not having a job bother you? If it doesnt, its not an issue. However I would bring up a budget and talk together about setting limits on spending for gifts and such.
Not controlling her however working it out together. *you do plan on marriage with her, you are planning a future.... so team work should be a plus.
I am close with my sisters and mother and yes if something happened and I needed to be there....I would find a way. Monthly NO.....however for ER reasons yes. We have the phones glued to the ears already....olol
Best wishes
2007-01-03 07:26:28 · answer #3 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. My father is not happy at all about me dating a black guy. My mother is fine with it though. The funny thing is that my dad is muslim. I figured he would be more understanding considering the way muslims have been treated since 9/11. He hasn't banned me from the family or anything but he would prefer I date a white guy. Maybe by being around them and getting to know each-other better, her parents will learn that you're a great person. Good luck!
2016-05-22 23:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are one of the good ones. Why are you allowing this to continue? You two come first and everyone else is secondary. Her priorities are in the wrong place. You need to talk with her and you need to also tell her to get a job. This is a partnership and you are doing everything, stop that, you deserve so much more than that.
2007-01-03 07:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I'd re-think the marriage thing at this point. At first I was going to say it is normal for women to be devoted to their families, especially children grown or young and not to worry... but the fact that she does not work and spends your hard earned dollars on her family, to the point of causing hardship makes me think twice about this. She needs to get a job and support her spending habbit. This does not mean you do not love her, it just means enough is enough..
2007-01-03 07:35:50 · answer #6 · answered by Aunt Henny Penny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to let this one go. Her priorities (rightly or wrongly) are with ther family, not you dear. Also her adult children are not respecting her right to a life of her own (because of her constant attention to them.......they weren't taught how to be independent.)
So if it bothers you now, you'll grow to hate it later on when her mother requires more time, etc.
You are not a good match. Plus she's a free loading bum.
2007-01-03 07:23:45 · answer #7 · answered by fluffernut 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's hard to say because you have already let her gone this far without telling her anything tell her to get a job and spend more time with you she is with you not the family
2007-01-03 07:23:29 · answer #8 · answered by Sexy Eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really don't think its a problem for you. If you love her that much you will accept everything about her and that includes her family. It is normal for her to see her family because she loves her family also and besides you are not still married to her so it is normal for her to see her family. the best thing you should do is to raise up more your understanding for her and love her family also. try to talk to her about it, open your side to her and tell her about it. why not try inviting her family to come to your place instead of her going there?
2007-01-03 07:27:58 · answer #9 · answered by KRISTOFFER D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are being used for your money. Do not marry her. It will not work out in the end. She will keep using you until you can't handle it anymore and you will eventually go off the deep end.
2007-01-03 07:21:06 · answer #10 · answered by Jodi C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋