My girlfriend is trying to stop smoking. She wants me to give her positive feedback when she dosent. However when she does she wants me to give her positive feedback for only smoking one or two as opposed to 6 or 7. This is hard for me. I was just not raise with positive feedback. Any suggestions?
2007-01-03 07:06:48 · 9 answers · asked by Theandysullivan 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
well in her case, i think she just needs ANYTHING positive. so, if she does a little bit, vs h ow many she used to, give her a hug and say "i'm proud of you... but u still smell funny!" and smile large, to let her know u want her to quit, and yet u are not Condemning her for having 1 or 2.
hopefully that makes sense... u have to understand that it's not easy to give up something as addicting as smoking. also, that women are very sensitive (as are many men), and they need to feel loved, cared for, Safe and SEcure that no matter what, YOU will be there as a strong man. so the stronger u are for her, the more u support her, the more she will feel enabled to have Power over her decisions.
good luck
2007-01-03 07:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have patience with her, if her withdrawal symptons allow you to. I don't think negative feed back would do anything but stress her out over her slip and make her want another one. Positive feedback reinforces good behavior so if she THINKS she is doing good, and is trying, I say "Why not ?". Is she not ,in fact, doing better than smoking without making the effort to quit. Enabling would be going to get her another pack when that extra one is gone. The only enabling you would be doing by being supportative and positive would be to enable her to quit. Hang in there. I feel the process is harder on the non-smoking partner.
2007-01-03 15:31:23 · answer #2 · answered by surfX 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
praising her for smoking only 1 or two cigarettes is like praising a puppy for only peeing on your rug just a little bit!!!
It's unaceptable and she should just go ahead and do away with her nasty habit!!!
Positive feedback is offering encouragement so by all means do it but only when she doesn't smoke at all.
I wouldn't slam her if she does smoke but she wouldn't get a pat on the back either!!! She has to know that positive feedback comes from hard effort...in her case "the ability to stop smoking"
2007-01-03 15:30:34 · answer #3 · answered by Wife~and~Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In direct answer to the first part of your question -- NO, positive feedback is not the same as enabling. It is nurturing and caring and being supportive of someone in their efforts. Enabling is cleaning up other people's mistakes and making excuses for their behavior so that they have no reason to change -- like saying it is OK for someone to drink because they deserve a few drinks to relax and they are depressed.
2007-01-03 16:14:40 · answer #4 · answered by Yahzmin ♥♥ 4ever 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely agree with you that it seems you should not give her positive feedback for smoking anything at all, since it seems like this would defeat the purpose.
2007-01-03 15:41:30 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not get positive feedback for only smoking only one or two...
2007-01-03 15:16:25 · answer #6 · answered by Kabu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first poster, you should only give her positive feedback when she doesn't smoke at all.
Don't disparage her for having to smoke one or two, because it is difficult to quit, but don't give her kudos for it, either.
2007-01-03 15:23:28 · answer #7 · answered by Syd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's like when someone goes off their diet and is feeling bad, I tell them to just eat half and save the other half for the next day, OR I tell them there's always the rest of the day or tomorrow to get back on track.
2007-01-03 15:49:22 · answer #8 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is funny. LOL
2007-01-03 17:12:59 · answer #9 · answered by SP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋