They are respectively my daughter (a junior soon to be 17) and her boyfriend (a senior in high school). They have been dating about 4 months. The destination is the boy's older sister's (single - in her early 20s) home in Orlando about 90 miles away.
I trust my daughter implicitly but I don't think this plan is appropriate for kids their age. She looks at me like I have two heads and live in the dark ages. Is this now the norm for teenage dating and I'm out of touch?
2007-01-03 05:51:42 · 26 answers · asked by ADH 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Absolutely not appropriate! You may trust your daughter fully which is wonderful. Do you really know her boyfriend? That is too far away and she is too young. My mother would have had a cow! I am 39 and there would be no way I would let my kids do that if I had a boy or a girl, either way, especially if they will be alone. They are putting temptation where you and I both know what can happen when temptation is put in our faces.
If she was 18, yes, maybe. Not at 16. You stick to your guns. She will only be 16 once. My prayers for your strength and wisdom in dealing with this issue with y our daughter are with you. God bless.
2007-01-03 06:00:46 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not let her go. I know when I was that age I would give my mother a hard time and tell her everyone else is aloud to things like that (just to see what I could get away with). My mother totally trusted me as well I had never been in trouble but there is always a first time to mess up and it is a parents job to protect as much as they can. Yes they can get into things at home but there is less of a chance than if they are on there own. Now I thank the lord my mother was so strict with me. I have graduated collage bought land and have a good job, while those so call "everyone else" (the few kids with out restrictions) never went to college ended up pregnant or into drugs and in jail. I am in my mid 20's and have in my past let under age kids do things they shouldn't have been doing. I think the sister will not really keep an eye on them and let them do pretty much what they want. You want to feel like the cool big sis and are more like a friend than a parent. Don't let her go no matter how much of a fuss she gives you.
2007-01-03 06:24:42 · answer #2 · answered by fallenangelf99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is my recommendation: scenario one: You sit down with his parents and say that you are interested in a relationship with their son but realize what a 19 year old and a 16 year appears like. Assure them the relationship is not sexual and that you see yourself interested in him when he becomes an adult. scenario two: Let the boy down easily. His feelings are genuine for you. he is massively attracted to you. 16 year old boys are very inexperienced with matters of love so he hasn't thought through the dynamics of a 19 and 16 year old being together (adult and child) and how sensitive society is to that sort of thing. It's also very difficult because that three year difference in people you ages is HUGE. A 19 year old's just starting to fly into life and possibilities when the 16 year old is still in school building that possibility. a 19 year girl's maturity level is WAY WAY higher than a 16 year old boy. Normally a three year differnece is no big deal but at the specific ages you are, those three years create a BIG difference.
2016-05-22 23:06:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plain and simple, no, it is not. For several reasons. Some practical, some idealistic.
First and foremost, what sort of supervision do you suspect that this 20YO sister (single) will be providing? Do you really think she will be chaperoning them? I don't. I doubt highly that she is going to be providing much in the way of organized evening entertainment for the three of them. More like going out on her own, living her own life, and telling your daughter and boyfriend to have fun and enjoy themselves while they are out of your sight. Honest, but only natural. And 90 miles provides enough of a buffer zone so as that you will be effectively out of sight, out of mind.
Trusting your daugher is a good thing. Trusting your intuition and good judgment is better.
My children are a bit younger than this, but trust me, when the time comes, I would not embrace the idea of 18YO/16YO going out of town as you suggest.
Follow your instincts. Say no. You may suffer some jawjacking in the short term, but long term, both you and your daughter will come out ahead.
And for you, JMopper, with all you and YALF have been through lately... first off, your answer was asinine. And for now, if I were you, I'd be laying low for a while. Apparently, common sense is not your strong suit. Waiting for that permanent suspension...
2007-01-03 06:42:11 · answer #4 · answered by nocable4unow 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course its not appropriate. Do you really need to come on Yahoo and ask this question and then proceed to get advice from total strangers in order to decide this dilema?? Yikes! I am not sure which is more appauling to me. The fact that you would consider letting a 16 year old go away for the weekend with an 18 year old and the chaperone is someone in her early 20's or the fact that your advice for this is Yahoo Answers! Good Grief!
Lori
2007-01-03 06:27:53 · answer #5 · answered by tink3610 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am speaking in my opinion on this. If I was your daughter's boyfriend, and you would let her go with me 90 miles away from home, I would seriously have sex with her at the first opportunity, no lie. That's just how I think and I know most guys around my age think like that as well. So, if you want that to happen then give her a bag of condoms, and say good-bye. Not trying to be disrespectful either!
2007-01-03 06:05:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so. It's not the fact that they can't do anything on the weekend that that can't do any given day e.g. sex, it's the principle of it.
If a teen wants adult rights then they should have adult responsibilities. As I put it to one of the kids I raised when he was 17 and wanted his girl staying over, "If you want to the rights of an adult, you have to pay the big boy rent.". Rent on this street is about $1000 per month...pay up and you can bring home anyone you like.
I know it sounds old fashioned but what's not earned is not valued. At 16 the adult privileges have not been earned yet.
2007-01-03 05:59:34 · answer #7 · answered by Thomas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 18 now. Well, I know that other parents won't approve it, but I think that you should let her.
I have many girl friends whose parents are restrictive with them dating and everything. Believe me when I say that they could write scripts for mission impossible, what they lie to their parents... And they slept with they boyfriends long ago.
My mother is the best women I know! She lets me do anything! I could come back early in the morning from clubs, date whoever I thought it suits me... I was always telling her everything, and I asked her for advice when I needed it. She was always informed of what is happening in my life, I wasn't some neglected kid...
I dated a boy who was 23 when I was 16. She let me sleep over at his place almost every weekend. But still, we didn't do anything. He respected my wishes. We were watching movies, having fun... We slept together after 8 months of our relationship... And before we did it, I talked to my mother...
If a boyfriend of your daughter is a good person, then believe her.
I mean even today when I still can do everything I want, come back when I want, date who I want, I don't . I'm going out and I'm coming back before midnight. Sometimes I do go out in club, but it isn't a big deal to me anymore.
And those friends of mine... They lie their parents constantly, and when they are caught in a lie, both sides are suffering..
And I don't lie to my mom, cuz I don't have the reasons. And I feel much better when I know that I have her approval, and not sneaking around like a thief...
I mean, I would probably act the same as my friends (like a dog released from a leash) if my mother doesn't understand me...
I mean, you were young too... Those were the different times, but that's changed... You should let her decide what and how to do. If you control her life now, when she gets older, maybe she wouldn't know how to act. You will have to release her into the world sooner or later, but I honestly tell you, the sooner she gets disappointed in it, the faster she will learn to take care of her own.
And as a good and caring mother you will always be there for her if she needs you. This was the case with me...
I see all those people who were living like under the glass bell, and now they don't know what to do next in life when parents get the bell off... And I am the one who is standing with both feet on the ground...
So please, If you believe in your child, let her to make choices on her own, whether they are good or bad. She will learn her lesson only when she hits the wall on herself, not if you are telling her how to avoid it...
Sincerely, one fulfilled daughter...
2007-01-03 06:39:07 · answer #8 · answered by Looda_Plavusha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents would never have let me do that. I think that you should trust your gut on this one. It just seems like a bad idea. If it were going away for the weekend with is family (parents) it would be a different story but a 20 year old, single sister... sounds like trouble to me (even if you do trust your daughter).
2007-01-03 05:56:54 · answer #9 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely stick to your guns, she is not old enough, mature enough and obviously doesn't have enough respect for herself or you. If she did, she wouldn't have asked. I know when my older sisters (6 years older) were in their 20's they let me do more than they should have. I have children from 6 to almost 18 and believe me, they try you and try you but you have to be the parent and do whats best for them even if they hate you (they get over that too) . That's what a good parent is all about
2007-01-03 06:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋