Are men willing to wait for sex if they are truly interested in you?

Question

I have had 2 unhealthy relationships in the past 2 years which left me with trust issues regarding men. I met someone that expressed an interest with me and I told him that I wanted to establish friendship first before having a physical relationship. He asked me how long, and I said however long it takes..8 months, or more, whatever. He said he was not willing to wait for 8 months. Should I assume that this man has a hidden agenda? ...and does not really care about me? (Even though he say's he does) I, myself would absolutely sustain if I felt he was the right one...and would give him as much time as possible...then again, I am not a man.

Answer 1

If I felt she is worth waiting for, of course.

Answer 2

Totally depends on the man. Indeed, there are men that will wait if they care about you enough. They have to be completely invested in the relationship, however. Some men are just not willing to invest, nor are they willing to wait.

I don't think there is a standard timeframe that a couple should wait to have sex. I think it is different for everyone. Though I will say that establishing trust and a freindship first (especially in your case) are crucial. Once you have crossed the line into sex, you do become more vulnerable as a woman and stand to really get your feelings hurt moreso then if you had simply waited. Having had sex brings up more fears and more trust issues and if your relationship has not established the foundation first, it will have a much harder time dealing wth those issues.

Listen, take it from another woman who has been in your same shoes, I would definitely wait until there was a real friendship. If he is not willing to, well, I would have to say goodbye real early before either of us gets truly hurt. This is your life. Stick to your values and to what is important to you. You will gain so much more by having done so. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Well, I'm thinking there will be a point where you both will know it's the right time. It might be 3 months or 6 months or 8 months. I think it's whatever feels right for the couple.

People bring various issues to a new relationship - fears and expectations. Communication is the key and if both have similar values, you should be able to figure this out without putting a time expectation on it.

If you are uncomfortable trusting an individual in a newer relationship, then I suggest you wait until you feel that this person is worthy of your entire self.

Answer 4

men are so tricky and can both wait, and not be able to. a man can truly care about you and actually need that interaction with a woman. although, waiting never killed anyone. most men, however, just want a piece of you and then to move on. defining the difference is quite difficult and sometimes impossible. i suggest that you do whatever you feel is comfortable for you. if you really care about this person and want a sexual relationship, and you do know the consequences it can bring...become close and intimate. the hardest thing about getting over someone or something is trusting again. though, if you can't trust someone you will never have a really stable relationship...so, yes you might get hurt again, but you might live happily ever after.

Answer 5

I'm not a guy either but I do know that if a man is really sincere about his feelings for you then sex is not going to be as important. he will not have a problem waiting for when you are ready for it. He will want to just spend time with you by talking playing games going to the movies he will just enjoy having you around. Don't sell your self short you are a wonderful person and deserve the best. Keep in mind that you deserve the best. If this new guy can't wait till you are ready then you need someone better. Their should never be any pressure in to having sex. If the person really likes you or loves you they wont pressure you in to anything or put a restriction a waiting time.
Hope this helps.

Answer 6

8 months seems a bit... contrived. Almost as if you are making a test of it. I would resent that. Maybe you ought to just say you're not sure when asked how long. And if the time passes and you aren't ready when he is then that's your fate.

Here's the thing, though. You just have to trust people. You can be careful and watchful but not suspicious. Suspicion has the power to create drama. If you think someone is cheating on you your attitude toward him will change and before you know it, he WILL cheat. It's nearly self-fulfilling.

As for your question "Should I assume..." - no. I think his agenda is quite plain. Sex is part of what we all (almost all) look for in a relationship. It's a huge part.

Answer 7

I certainly would be willing to wait unconditionally if it was with the person I am in a serious relationship with. To understand the fact that the woman isn't trying to test my ability and patience to wait but it's about her gaining confidence and trust in me, is important.

If I am to a point where I would be willing to wait, I probably have decided that the woman is the right person for me. I totally understand woman have very similar interests, desires, and sexual needs as men do. Being patient, understanding, and appreciative of a woman's need to strengthen her interest and value in me is definitely important to me.

By nature I am playful, I love to tease, and sometimes am naughty too. I will do things from time to time that'll seem sexual and arousing. It's about making sure I convey that all this is only in the interest of the relationship and not a teaser to have sex.

Answer 8

You're trying to take sex out of this relationship. What youre saying is that if this guy truly had feelings for you he'd wait forever to have sex with you. But sex is part of a realtionship between a man and a woman. You cant just remove it. We're all sexual beings and its natural to wanna have sex. Just coz this dude cant wait 8 months to have sex with you it doesnt mean he doesnt care about you. I know you said you had unhealthy relationships b4 but testing people isnt really a nice thing to do. I know its hard but you gotta let go and not control what others do

Answer 9

Okay well first things first you do what you feel in your heart and body what is right never let a man make you think that you should do anything to keep him. I have been in a relationship for almost 7 years with this guy. But we have had our troubles in the past with my sex drive. It seems almost like I never am in the mood and its not because of him it must just be because of me. But now never in the 7 years did I ever think he was going to leave me or lose interest in our relationship just because i know that that is not what he in this for. Now if a guy can't wait then he really isn't there for all that much! A guy that is totally into you isn't going to care how long its going to take to get you into bed he is going to care more about whats going to make you happy and if waiting the proper amount of time for you to feel 100% comfortable they will wait 10! And i know exactually how you feel about the whole trust issue with men i had my own issue before i met this guy. I was blinded by my own feelings and felt that if i didn't do what this man wanted i was going to lose him then one day i woke up and relized that they need to keep me! they should be the one afraid if you are going to leave them over them being pushy or controling! so listen to ur inner self and you should find your answer but I would def. try to wait it out fo rall you knwo is this guy can be a complete jerk and the minute you give it up he will leave! so be careful

Answer 10

Let me give you a small advice: NEVER EVER tell a guy how long is he supposed to wait!
First of all, you might change your mind, second , when they hear a number larger than one month, they will run, no matter how good they are!
I told my x boyfriend (when I was a lot younger) that I need a time to get ready, possibly some 6 months... I wanted to love him first, and then to make love ....
Guess what? he was so pressured with that 6 months, that I simply had to let him go...
With other one I decided not to repeat my mistake. So we haven't mentioned sex. Month later, he wanted to sleep with me, but I told him I was a virgin, and that I need my time... (I wasn't lying)
We slept 7 months later... When I was ready... So learn from mine (and your) mistake.
NEVER tell a man how long he must wait. They are scared of not having sex so much time....
And yes, it is because they are men. We are willing to sustain if we see a greater cause. To them, their only cause is ... sex. At least until they xpirience true love...

Answer 11

Eight moths is pushing it. Work on your past issues with a therapist so that you can build a healthy and Normal relationship with any future partner. You can wait and date a person for about two or three months, by then you should be able to make up your mind about him, but then again there are no guarantees in life, so it's a gamble either way. make sure you become strong and confident on your own, so you will not be afraid to take the right chances and miss opportunities, just because of your negative past experiences.