How do I keep this from going any further?

Question

Long story short, I've been really in love with this guy for about a year and a half, we just admitted it about a month ago and we've got a lot of backed up, for lack of a better word passion. I haven't seen him in two weeks and now I'm worried the relationship is going to go too far.

I'm only 14, he's a bit older. Right now we've only kissed. When I'm in my right mind, I don't want it to go any further. But when I'm with him, and everything's been heating up, both of us start making moves I don't want us to make. I don't want anything besides hugging and kissing. Definitely no sex. No sexual touching. I'm going to get carried away in the moment and I want to be sure of how to handle myself.

Also, is it unfair to have just been on the cusp of doing something, and then to just break it off and start only cuddling instead?

I'm not going to break up with him, normally we don't want to do anything that far.

We just get carried away.

I know I'm too young for sex or anything, that's why I asked this question.

He's a sweet, gentle, great, sensitive guy. He'll respect what I choose.

It's also a little tough because he's my best friend, the relationship really evolved. We both have the same arcane interests; it's really hard to find someone to talk about bootleg vodka recipes with.

Answer 1

Try to not let yourself get into the predicament where something could happen.

Answer 2

I went my entire high school career without sleeping with any of my boyfriends, and I was in your position a lot. The major thing to keep in mind is the hunt is way better than sex. Once you give him sex, that's what it's all about after that. I'm 31, so I've had a ton of experience in this. Every time I've went all the way with a guy (this was when I was in my 20's), it took away the passionate making out and other fun stuff. It sounds like a cool start of a relationship though. You can get very close to getting it on, without actually doing it, then stop. You can do whatever you want. Make sure you keep it clothes on type of making out. Preventing a guy from going too far is a part of growing up. Every guy will want to, and you will always have to prevent them from going too far too fast. Learn the fine art of pushing thier hand away. So, possibly in the future you will have sex with him, just make sure that you've been dating a few years, and have experienced all there is to do before that. make sure you're safe and that you use protection. If you've been dating a guy for a while, your Mom will be much more receptive to getting you birth control. It's very important not to have a kid. It happens to so many couples and will turn your fairy tale romance sour fast.

Answer 3

At age 14 you seem to be in a good frame of mind! Don't be alone with him. Have others around when you are with him. You don't say how much older he is...if he is 18 or over, your parents could have him arrested just for going out with you. Be fair to him. Don't let it go beyond a couple of kisses and a hug or two. Anything more is telling him you want to go further. To answer the last part of your question, it's not only unfair, it's cruel. Back off on this relationship. Tell him why. If he leaves, all he wanted was sex.

Answer 4

You don't want to lead him on when you know you're not ready for it, so don't do it. He will end up getting upset about it then probably leave you for it. If he doesn't already know, let him know that you're not ready and you don't want him to think that you're just leading him on. Tell him that all you want is the kissing and hugging, some cuddling but that's it. If he likes and respects you enough, he will accept your terms and keep from letting things get too heated. If he doesn't, then maybe he isn't the one for you and you should move on. Otherwise you will end up doing something you don't want to do. You are still young and there's a whole world out there waiting for you to explore. Don't keep yourself bound to one person at such a young age because before you know it, you will be 18 and haven't had a chance to experience life and see what else is out there for you. Kinda went off subject, so yes...just talk to him and let him know how you feel about it all. Hopefully he will be ok with it and you two can continue you're relationship or friendship.

Answer 5

The only way to avoid it going further is to not allow yourself to be in that position in the first place. I know that it sucks to start all over again but you have to go back there. Its the only way that you can aviod doing something that you don't want to do. And boys are different from gurls. They can't just stop in the middle of things and leave like nothing has happened. If you heat a boy up he will continue to push the limits no matter what you've told him in the past. And of course you will allow him to because are unsure what to do.

Do urself a favor and talk to him about it and stop the excessive fondling-for lack of a better word. If he doesn't understand and respect your wishes, he is a creep and you should immediately move on.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have a great relationship. Talk to him. Tell him sometimes your body wants what your mind knows is not right yet. Let him know he's all of that to you but that you want to commit yourself to purity, virginity or whatever word you'd use for it.

As for now, if you guys are really having trouble staying apart, commit to meeting in public or semi public places. Library, home with friends or parents there, school, mall, church. Just where there are people around so you'll be kept in check.

As one girl said. the "hunt" is the best. even for older couples sex totally changes a relationship, so you are making a great choice.

Answer 7

If you dont want to do anything then try to stay in the frame of mind. once you feel things are getting too hot slow down... the farther you go the more likely sex is going to happen because of the "in the moment" thing.

And no its not unfair to just stop after things have started the guy may get upset depending on what kind of guy he is but do whats best for you not what he wants.

Answer 8

You're 14 and you've been seeing the same guy for 18 months of more? At your age, it is more than fair to the both of you to cool things off. You've got years and years ahead of you, and at your age, that should probably include more than just one bf.

The two of you need to sit down and talk about this. I'd suggest that for now, you stay in public places as much as possible, even for these talks. You don't have to talk about this on the bus, but perhaps on a bench in the middle of the open area of a park or in a coffee shop. someplace public but in which you can have a bit of privacy.

I understand that you probably don't want to talk with your parents about this, but is there another adult whom you trust? Or do you have an older sister or cousin to talk with? Perhaps an aunt who is younger than your parents? You do need to talk with someone older than yourself about his one, and get advice that is specific to you. But don't be surprised if that person suggests breaking it off and seeing other guys.

The thing is, though, this is something that is going to keep happening to you, and it doesn't matter if you're seeing this particular guy or not. So, one of the things that you need to do for yourself is decide just what is and isn't OK, and hold fast to those decisions.

I'm including some links for you. These are educational and not pornographic, but you need to read each of them. I'm including links about cotraception simply because the more that you know about it, the better you can be prepared for any eventuality. Don't ignore it, unless you really want, at this point, to have someone calling you Mom for the rest of your life.

Answer 9

It is within my deep feelings that for a marriage to be enjoyable and companionship as the bible requires the partners should notice the break of their virginity on their first day of meeting as woman and husband and this will cement the marriage..

You are very young and I know all about hormones at this age, but this person might not be the person that you will spend the rest of your life with, your virginity is a very precious treasure, and is to be shared only with the man you marry. ,virginity is something you will never ever be able to give to that person,( the one you marry) no matter how much you love that person, after it is gone there is no Turning back..

I can tell you are very smart from what you have said here, and you are on the right tract, don't let your emotions dictate actions that you may someday regret.

Answer 10

If you really want to know how HE feels about your relationship, tell him that you plan to remain a virgin until marriage and see if he sticks around. If he does, then enjoy being a 14 year old in love and act 14. You shouldn't be doing anything more that kissing and enjoying your youth. Once you're old (and used), you'll be old forever, so enjoy you young single days and don't worry about having serious relationships now!

Answer 11

you need to avoid those situations where you both are tempted.

No boy nor girl is strong enough to resist biological urges, so it is best that you two avoid being alone together.

You need to go out in group dates with other couples, and if you do go out together alone as a couple, limit your dates to public places like parks, restaurants, and other family friendly environments.

You are clearly too young to handle a passionate romance. To your credit, you recognize that you are not ready for sex. You need to be very honest, clear, and direct with your boyfriend by telling him there will be no sex or heavy petting. Period. If he cannot respect that boundary, unfortunately, you need to move on.