I'm a Catholic and he's a Mormon, what kind of wedding should we have?

Question

Neither one of us is very strong in our religion (I go on Easter and Christmas, and he goes whenever he makes the trip down to his parents house almost 3 hours away) and he has said that he would become Catholic, but that would disappoint his parents. We don't want a huge wedding as we have to pay for everything ourselves (my parents have been telling me that all my life, they paid for their wedding so we have to pay for ours.) We have already discussed the differences and know that it will take some work but we will be able to get through them. What kind of wedding should we have? I know that if I don't get married in a Catholic church then I won't "be married" in the eyes of the church, or in the eyes of my parents. His parents don't really mind anymore, since we have been engaged for 2 years already. Does anyone have any help to offer?

Answer 1

I can't believe you are getting advice not to get married!!!! You two obviously love each other and you are doing the right thing in the Lord's eyes by getting married. To break up and destroy this happy family would be awful, some people are crazy! I am an lds girl and our faith teaches us to love and respect every person, regardless of their religious beliefs, we are all children of the Lord! I think you should get married wherever makes you both happy, the wedding vows mean the same wherever, the decision is entirely upto you both. You will only have this special day once in your lives, so make sure you do it somewhere you won't regret. Good luck with everything! x x

Answer 2

There are three options here (this isn't news to you I'm sure, but we're going to walk through them).

1. Mormon church. This is a long, involved process that will piss your parents off and neither you nor your fiance will be any happier for it, because neither of you will be "good" Mormons. In fact, you can't even get into the actual temples without a temple recommend, which I don't think either of you would qualify for any time soon.

2. Catholic church. The plus side here is that you no longer have to become Catholic to marry in a Catholic church. The priest has the final say in it, and they may require you to do some counseling sessions before your wedding. Speak to them 6 months to a year in advance and it could be done. (If he did want to convert, add another year or two.)
Pros of a Catholic church without him converting: Your parents are happy, his parents are probably happy (that he didn't convert), normally pretty nice venues that don't cost much and seat lots of people. Cons: If your friends/family aren't Catholic, they'll still have to sit through basically a mass. You can ask that they don't do communion, however.

3. Not at a church. My family is Catholic and my husband's family is Christian. We're from California, and we went to Nevada to get married in a state park an hour away from Las Vegas.
Pros: You have nicer wedding pictures, you don't have to pay $30/person to feed a bunch of people, if it's farther away only the people who really care about you will go so it'll be more intimate, his parents will be happy (or at least not unhappy). Cons: You don't get to walk down the aisle in your big expensive dress, your parents won't be happy. (Although in my case they were, but they say that we should do a vow renewal at a church.)

Good luck to you.

edit: By the way, after reading some other answers you got, I want to point out that I don't feel you have any need to "obey" your parents if they're not helping you pay for it. My husband and I paid for our own wedding, even though he had lost his job, but if either of our parents had paid we may have felt more inclined to go to a church. Being self-paid, we did what we liked best.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like the two of you have been thinking about this for some time. Good for you. This is a very serious issue and will affect you for the rest of your lives. Since you ask, I will give you my opinion. Since neither of you are especially interested in religion, your parents are probably aware of this if only marginally. So, if you haven't discussed with your honey just how you want to want to handle the religion issue (which religion to raise the kids in, how to deal with the grandparents, etc.) then I suggest that you do that and then proceed with wedding plans. Maybe you could exchange vows using a judge (the Catholic church recognizes this) then spend your money on a nice reception with your families and friends.

In the long run, your marriage is your own. Parents have no say. Four of my children are married. I raised my kids to become independent of me as I saw was my duty as a parent. Now, they make their own decisions. I offen offer advise to my children (and don't always wait to be asked for it), but it is only advise. I expect them to look at the whole picture, then do what they think is right. So should you. There is a right way for you, but you must decide. Your parents can ask for certain concessions, but you think about it, then decide. If you can give them what they want, great. If not, then don't worry too much about it. It is your life and you must lead it the way you see fit, as your parents did what they thought was right.

I pray that you have a wonderful life. Parents can help to make that life even better. Practising religion can also help to make life more full and meaningful

Answer 4

Well if his parents do not have a problem with him changing his faith then marry in the Catholic church. Or you could also marry outside the church (in your folks back yard or a favourite place of yours etc). and have both a priest and a Mormom brother both their to help you exchange vows. I believe he would need to take some lessons on the Catholic faith and you may have to do the same for his religion but I do think that this is a doable compromise. Best of luck and have a happy married life. Another suggestion may be to have you, your fiance, his and your parents all sit down and discuss how this could take place to satisfy everyone. I realize it's your wedding and as such their opinions should not matter but it may make things (after your married) easier if all can agree beforehand to what type of service you are going to have.

Answer 5

If he's cool with getting married in a Catholic church, then you should do that, especially if it is important to you and your faith. When it comes down to it you should be more concerned with what you and your fiance want and less on what both of your parents want. As you state there will be some hurdles by marrying someone of a different religion, but as long as you respect each other and each other's right to believe as they do, then you will be fine.

I am Morman and am married to an agnostic. We have been married for 3 1/2 years and are very happy. Of course religion comes up, and my wife doesn't agree with what I believe, but it is what I believe and she respects me for that. We were married at a beautiful winery and the vows between us were wonderful and I know accepted in the eyes of God. Just talk your fiance and decide together, and it may include some compromises from one or both. I would hope you wouldn't expect him to convert to your religion, as I would that he wouldn't expect the same from you. If you love him, love him. Good luck. (We paid for and planned our own wedding also and it was awesome!)

Answer 6

I am Catholic but I have been to Mormon receptions. Mormons don't drink alcohol and it isn't served at wedding receptions. Take that into consideration. I doubt you would be allowed to get married in a Mormon chapel anyway without serious committment. I don't think your fiance could easily marry in a Catholic church either. You would find these things out when you go check at either place to arrange for a ceremony. The priests don't really like it when couples are just looking for a place to get married. They mainly seem to be available to their parishioners and tend to be skeptical of other peoples motives. You might want to start by going to your parents church and asking the priest or deacon there what would be involved. The Catholic church might be more lenient than the Mormon church, but I suspect you might need to appear to be interested in one religion or the other, not just looking for a place to get married...

Answer 7

I would go a head get married in the Catholic church! He does not have to convert to do that just talk with your priest! Then after both of you are married then share in each others faith. He should go to RCIA to learn about yours and you should attend what training that they have about the Mormon church. Do not convert for the reason 'I did it for you'! The choice must be from your heart and god for just you! The more you learn and practice your faith, the more you'll see the answers! You both can share in each other faiths! When children come you both will have to address their faith development! Do that first! Waiting only leaves the child wonder which he should be! About the family approval, you only need to get them to support you in you becoming one in marriage!

I don't see the need to spend a lot on the wedding the money spent here can be better used else where! Small group at the church (does not have to be mass either) should do it. Then year's later you can renew your vowels in the church and invite as large a group as you want to share in this event! Should do this affirming your commitment to marriage!

Answer 8

I'd like to present to you some thoughts from someone who was a mormon for nearly 30 yrs. and just converted to Catholicism. As far as your wedding, it needs to please you two more than anything. No parents' money will be involved so why not? For the last 2 yrs. both your parents have had time to get to know who you are planning to marry and come to some sort of acceptance. So, put aside the thought of trying to please them for now, and focus on what you two wish.

Some insight to a post about doing a mormon wedding and it being free. Yes, they won't charge you for performing the marriage or the building use, but most likely you will not be allowed to use the chapel. They encourage temple marriages and most civil marriages are performed in the relief society room or the cultural hall. You may have to talk to someone of the bishopric also and who knows what all you might be asked.

I'm not familiar with being married in the Catholic church for I am newly baptised and my husband is still mormon. Yes, I had to get rebaptised for the mormon baptism was not valid for reasons I wont' go into here.

I'm glad you have talked over the differences of your religions but you have to make decisions on how you want your children raised, how accepting you will be of each others' choices. Has he thought about why he only goes when he sees his parents? It is very difficult to break away mentally from mormonism and he needs some time to search himself and decide if he is going to continue to please his parents or decide if mormonism is still right for him. Same for you. Both churches are strong in religious participation. What are your issues? Does it matter that you won't be married in the "eyes" of the church? Same for him...he won't be married for "all eternity" as Mormons believe is the ultimate and only way for entering the celestial kingdom when they die and it's only done in the temples. That issue was what hit my husband the hardest when I told him I was leaving the mormon church...how my decision would affect our marriage eternally. It was a hard time for us. Do talk about all this and make sure you each understand your own feelings and needs.

So, I wish you two the loveliest wedding anywhere you want, civil or church...and a most happy marriage.

Answer 9

The end of your letter saying his parents don't really mind any more says, go Catholic. Or since neither one of you are practicing Christians you could have a Jewish wedding and surprise everyone. ( I'm sorry, that's a joke )
My daughter married a practicing Catholic and she is very much a Southern Baptist. They married in his (their) home by a judge. A civil ceremony. Both sides of the family minded their own business and where in attendance and we had a beautiful time.
Good Luck to both of you & May God Bless Your Marriage !!

Answer 10

First, you are mistaken...the Catholic church WILL recognize your marriage, and if you divorce and want to remarry according to your faith you will need an annulment from the Church.(info found for another poster who asked about annulments between a couple who were of different faiths)

"The Catholic Church recognizes, as a valid marriage, any marriage between two people who were free to marry (no previous marriages between them). Basically, if the non-Catholic church of either party recognized the marriage as valid, so does the Catholic Church, and since marriage, as God created it, is permanent"
http://www.ultimatewedding.com/articles/get.php?action=getarticle&articleid=571

FYI: Neither the Catholic faith nor the Mormon faith recognise each others baptisims.
http://www.mormonwiki.com/mormonism/Mormon_baptism

OKAY, now for the answer to your question. Since I know for a fact that you can NOT be married in any of the Mormon Temples (Unless you convert and wait a year after baptism to get your Temple recomends). Why not get married in a Catholic Church?

"A Catholic and a non-Catholic can be married in the Catholic Church. A priest can guide you through the preparation and requirements, which include receiving the permission of your bishop (usually routinely granted) and fulfilling certain other special conditions.

The Code of Canon Law, the law of the Catholic Church (Latin Rite), lists these three special conditions:

"Canon 1125 ...1) the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in order that all the children be baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

"2) the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made by the Catholic party, so that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and of the obligation of the Catholic party..."

"3) both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage, which are not to be excluded by either contractant."

No special guarantee is currently required by universal law of the non-Catholic party."
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/13497