My ex keeps calling and asking for me and our 2 kids to hang out with him and his g.f and her new baby....?

Question

The baby is not his. A little background. He has supervised visits due to his alcoholism and abuse/neglect issues he had with our girls when they were in his care. I offer to supervise his visits, as well as his mom or sisters, but my youngest hates hanging out with his new g/f and her son when they are with her dad. The g/f works at walmart and anytime alice sees her there she is very happy and even seeks her out. The g/f hates me, for whatever reason and the atmosphere is tense to say the least when we are all together. Which is probably why alice dislikes it so much.

I don;t want to subject my child to spending time with people she doesn;t want to. When her dad is on his own and comes to visit or when we go to his place to visit and he is alone my daughter is fine and very happy to see her dad, as long as i am there with her. How can I make him understand that his visitation is for him alone, when i am the one supervising.

he has a list of expectations he needs to complete before he can get unsupervised time with his girls, after almost a year and a half he has yet to complete anything on it, and just recently has started calling more often. it used to be once or twice a month for a few minutes.

the g/f does dislike me, but I am very respectful to her when I am in a situation that involves both of us, for the sake of my kids, and because I feel nothing really but pity for her. She tends to ignore or make snide comments to me in front of my children, which I find unacceptable.

Answer 1

Wow, that's a sticky situation dear! You would think that he would understand the situation enough to respect your opinion and also respect your daughters opinion, especially if they don't like the new girlfriend. Adults have a way of pushing their new g/f b/f on their kids thinking that the more they are around them, the more they will like them (been in this situation before and didn't work out too well- led to ill feelings from me to my future step-dad for about 13 years. We're fine now but kids don't forget!)

Have you sat your ex down and talked to him about this? Is he a hard-headed man that refuses to realize? You need to stay strong and do what is best and what is COMFORTABLE for your daughters. If they aren't comfortable around her, there is probably a good reason. Be strong and firm!!

Answer 2

Overall you need to make a point to do things after work. Surprise her with her favorite restaurant on Wednesday night. She is probably feeling third rate in your life. And I am one of those ppl if I ever got a divorce my lil one is number one. And the new mate in my life will have to understand that. What does your kids say about it? Do they mind if you two go to diner on saturday night? Most teens are pushing there parents out. Does your kids respect your new wife? or is there mother filling there heads with stuff? You should be honest and up front with your kids always about your new wife. I understand that you miss them and that every second with them means a lot to you. Since you dont get the time all week. Your new wife needs to understand this. She must deeply love you if she has put up with your ex. Make the weekdays your special time. Come home and do something both of you like to do. If she has not had kids she will not understand the deep bond some parents have. Maybe you can choose some activities that you all can do like bowling or the movies. The kids can invite a friend and see a movie they want and you and your wife can see a movie you want and meet in the lobby after and have a nice diner as a family. You will never get the balance perfect but trying is the best thing. If you oint I think sooner or later the marriage will become a routine blur. good luck in the future.

Answer 3

I think you've answered your own question. It's all about your kids and how they feel. I don't think he understands you and your child's needs as far as his girlfriend is involved. It sounds like too much of a struggle and a bad situation for you or your kids to be around this woman so i would avoid her altogether... don't visit if she's there, make him come see you if that's the case. He should have to put some major effort into what's best for his kids not himself. He obviously doesn't understand what it means to see his kids b/c if he did, he would've fullfilled those conditions by now. It is an honor that you're even letting him see his kids considering his past and it sounds like you are a very strong person in dealing with it. I understand how important it is that your kids see their father and that he sees them ... however he needs to respect you and your childrens' wishes by not having his girlfriend present around you. Have you brought it to his attention about how you feel about her? if so .. just keep making your point and don't visit if she's around he'll have to get the point .

Answer 4

If your daughter doesn't want to be around her dad when the g/f is around then don't make her go. It's your daughter's choice on when she wants to see her dad and he will have to deal with that, because when you force a child to do something like that and they don't want to they will just become more angry inside. Now, if the dad is alone and you are there with your kids and if that is how your kids like their visitation, then that is how you should do it. Because you want to make sure that you kids are comfortable and that seems to be the only way they are comfortable around their dad is when you are there with them. Ignore the g/f because she is not a threat to you, she is just being ignorant and childish, so don't play those petty little games with her, it's not worth it. It's the dad's fault he is in this situation so he has to fix it not you. If he hasn't done what he was suppose to do on his list, that's his fault. He is being irresponsible. Just as long as your kids are happy keep it that way. If they are happy without seeing the dad, then don't force it, they will handle that situation with their dad in their own time, when they get ready. Well, I hope this helps, and I wish you and your kids the best.

Answer 5

I am assuming that his supervised visitation is something set out in a court order.....I had the same thing with my ex and children.....you are doing nothing wrong protecting your children by maintaining the visits.....If you are not liked by his girlfriend......Oh well.....I always got over that by asking myself....Was she someone I'd have chosen as a friend for myself....The answer for me was usually no......Keep protecting your children......If he doesn't like the consequences his actions brought then he will hopefully work harder to be a better parent to his own children.....When he has done what is required of him then he can hang out with the children and his girlfriend all he wants but until then do what you are doing.....You are doing a wonderful job.....good luck

Answer 6

That's a sore subject. Your children need to feel safe and your only concerned for their well being. Your husband is going to have to respect yours and your children's feelings and leave the girlfriend out of the visitation for now until he's completed his tasks. Good luck. You're doing the right thing.

Answer 7

I would definitely say that you should not hang out with him and his new gf or baby.

Depending on the age of your children, the most important thing to show them is that mommy and daddy have separate and different families/relationships now. Your children could be easily confused if they constantly saw mommy and daddy with their new girlfriends/boyfriends/families together.

Of course if they are old enough to understand, than disregard.

However, it's still pretty darn creepy.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

The best interests of your children come first!

You are NOT obliged to include the girlfriend in the visits, especially when your girls don't like her and she is rude to you. Therefore, do not include her in the supervised visits!

Answer 9

Good luck, I have to deal with my wife's ex and he is a moron and a dead-beat dad too. He is always wanting to show how much of a daddy he is. He waits three months, then he pays the minimum to keep from going to jail. Then he always takes her on event days. His birthday, Easter, Christmas and he can't spend time alone with her, always has to be some other idiot with him.

Answer 10

his life is not your problem. If you don't want to hang out w/ them, you have no obligation to do so. If the g/f can not respect you & see that you are trying to help, then don't do it. Move on w/ your own life. I would not put my child in a situation that is negative. Decide how you want your life & your childs life to be & then let your ex know your expectations. If he can't comply, that becomes his problem & not yours. It is great that you are willing to try, but you can't be the only one who is trying.