How do I become a less stressed mother?

Question

I want to know how to become a more laid back mom and not so stressed out . I love my kids I am a stay at home mother of two boys one 7and the other 1.There is always fighting going on with them two. My 7 year old is starting to talk back and not listen to me.I show them both love and play with them and so does my boyfriend.He is the father of my one year old and has been a role model and a step dad to my 7 year old for 3 years now.Every day I find myself yelling and I am tired of it my one year old just does not stop hiting.I believe in timeouts instead of hitting.what can I do to relax myself.

can just say that I have no cable on because I believe that family time is very important to us. I rather us do things together then sit and watch t.v.. My boyfriend is my youngest sons father and is the one taking care of my oldest he treats him as if he was his .I take being a mom as something very important to me. I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to be more laid and not get upset when they fight I grew up with no other children in the house hold so I never had anyone to fight with.And we do do the one take the other and have alone time that is what I don't understand .They get a lot of love from both of us and telling them that we love them and doing crafts cooking together as a family.

Answer 1

I hated the yelling too, so I stopped. I'd give one warning and if the did it again or argued I'd count "one", then "two" (if needed) and, if I got to "three", they went to their rooms for a specified amount of time (10 minutes was usually good enough) - no arguing, not discussion from me (they'd cry about it, but I ignored it). Of course, for serious offenses, like hitting, they immediately went to their rooms - no counting. It worked great and my stress level dropped considerably without all the yelling and arguing. I think my calmness got my sons' attention more than the yelling did. They took it seriously when I said "one" and I really never got to "three" very often. To this day (they are 9 and 12), it still works when they are acting up. Get your boyfriend in on it and give it a try for a week. I think you'll be surprised.

Answer 2

I too am a stay at home mom, and I love it, but it can become stressful if you are not careful.

Stick to a daily routine, that way everyone will know what to expect. We wake up, have breakfast, play together for an hour, I do house work for an hour while my daughter plays by herself, we do a craft, have lunch, read some books, then nap, etc. This helps us both stay on track, and kind of puts some order to the day.

Try to find something fun to do together each day, and mix it up. One day have everyone paint a picture, put on some music and dance around the house, go to the park, whatever to mix it up and all of you have fun together.

Also, try to squeeze in some time for yourself. Take a half an hour out of the day and exercise, this is a great stress reliever, and you'll fell much better. Take 15 minutes to paint your nails or fix your hair in a cute and sexy style. I know time is hard to find, but take advantage of the time you can fit in, and you'll feel much happier.

Most of all, don't always focus on the bad behavior, rather smile each night about the happy moments that you had with your children. You are lucky to be able to stay home with your children, and that alone is a blessing.

Answer 3

You sound like a great mom.

Maybe all you need is a new perspective? Have you ever been a babysitter? Babysitters are usually not as stressed out as mothers because they aren't so worried about the child's future. The don't sit around thinking, "Oh boy, the one year old is going to be a bully." They just play with them, in the moment, knowing that everything is going to be OK. Pretend for a moment that the whole world doesn't depend on whether your kids act perfect. Let them play, get mad and be happy...it is all very natural. Inject humor where ever and whenever possible. Be a kid yourself...they'll appreciate the change in you.

Answer 4

I have a one year old and a nephew who is 7. So I can relate a little. I took care of my nephew for about a week with my son not too long ago and it was very challenging.

What helped me get through that week was to reassure my nephew that we still had plenty of one on one time together. I also told him how proud I was of him whenever he tried to help me with my son. At first, he was a little resentful because my son takes up a lot of energy and time but when I pointed out all the really neat things that he can do that my son is too little to do he started to appreciate the age difference a little more and by the end of the week he was really wanting to help out with his cousin.

Here are some things that I did during the day with my son and nephew:

we went on a daily walk and I let my nephew help me plan where we would walk and if he wanted to help me stroll my son I would let him.

We played outside in the yard and we made up games together. Sometimes it was chase, sometimes it was playing with toys and because my son is so little he was happy to be outside with a toy with us.

We ran errands. Sometimes breaking up the monotony of the day helped and if they both rested a bit in the car we were all a little happier.

If you have any play groups you can go to that may help or even going to something like the YMCA. That way you can get a little bit of time to interact with other adults or some alone time. I really believe if you nurture yourself you will be able to nurture your children more than if you had not.

Friends, family members maybe they can help watch your little ones too when you are really needing a break.

Something else that you may find helpful is to have your seven year old have a little quiet time when your one year old naps. Have him play quietly for a set amount of time. You will be able to have a little time for yourself too.

When your kids go to bed instead of rushing to complete house chores have a couple of nights where you get to do whatever you want. I do this a night or two a week, even if my house looks like a war zone. I find that I am happier because I had a little time to do what I want, whether it is going to the gym, taking a bath, reading a book, or just hanging out with my husband. And the next day, I feel more focused to complete the house duties and run after my very active one year old.

As far as your one year old hitting, I am not too sure what to tell you other than make sure he is well rested and that you redirect any negative behavior with something else. I find my son if he is getting tired and I have missed the signs he has some pretty bad meltdowns.
I hope this helps. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 5

Show them that you respect yourself. You have to take care of you FIRST in order to be a good mom. That includes: fresh air, plenty of sleep and good healthy food. SAHMom's are sometimes "guilted" into spending as much time possible with their kids because it's what we're "supposed" to do. Trust me - you are not doing them a favor if you give all you have to them. Save some energy for yourself. Moms can have time outs too! Put the baby in a safe place (do they sleep in seperate rooms?), give the 7 year old some play doh and leave the room. Yelling will never, ever work but the 7 year old will come to understand complex feelings better if you explain to him that mommy is doing her best and needs his help. It will make him feel important - yelling at him won't achieve that. Heck if you feel like you have to, cry in front of him. Teach him that you are a person too, not a machine whose only job is to entertain him.

Answer 6

I am assuming that you are a stay at home mom. I find it helps to have someone you trust come and give you a break at least once a week for a couple of hours. Find some activities that the whole family get be involved in. (that way dad is there too to help referee.) I also find it helps to have a general routine so the kids know what to expect and that helps keep them at bay. I hope that dad is helping you with the kids. It's no fun to be the "heavy" all the time.

Answer 7

Maybe your one year old is just trying to get your attention. Try taking one day a week and just spending it with one child. Just some one-on-one time. Does this for each child, at the same time your boyfriend is doing the same with the other child. This will help strengthen your bonds with them and your 7 year old can take this time to share his feelings or thoughts with you. Don't stay in the home all the time with them both.
I promise you it does get better, but you have to start controlling the outbursts now, or it will get worse.
Good luck to you!!

Answer 8

Yup.. sounds like me . The kids are bored. Take them to mcdonalds or chucky cheese to run around. Its hard because of their age gap, but they need to go out side of home, when they become needy and start fighting its because they are bored. So gt out there, is your 7 yr old in school? During the day while 7 yr old is in school and 1 yr old napping that should be enough "relax" time for u? Other than that just chill, and remember you made them, so you have no right to yell . They didnt ask to come to this world..turn off the tv. and play with them. Paint, Color, playdoh, football, house, anything!

Answer 9

You need to get a real father for your kids instead of a boy friend. You are headed for big trouble with the kids because you are not being a real mother.

Answer 10

When you find the answer let me know