What should I do?

Question

My mother is showing signs of neurological problems. Her doctor feels she may be having mini-strokes and ordered a cat scan and other tests. She flat out refuses to take these tests. Nothing I say makes a difference. My siblings also have had no luck convincing her either. She also suffers from kidney problems, high blood pressure, and diabetes. She does not take care of her health at all. Its like she has a death wish. Her house is total mess, clutter and junk everywhere and from the smell of things we don't think she has bathed in weeks. We try to help out but she becomes angry and tells us to stay out of her business. How can we get her to take these tests?

Answer 1

You may need to call some sort of family services to get advice as to how you Handel this. I am 76 and I know she needs you all to step in and do something. Ask her Dr. what he would advise. In the US go to the front of one of your phone books and all sorts of help #s are there. Be kind to her, don't put her situation down regardless of how bad it is. You don't want to feel guilt after she has passed. Can't y'all just go in there and let her fuss and resist and tell her "We are going to clean up this place Mother, You need some help weather you realize it or not. And if possible get her in a tub and give her the bath of her life. Can you imagine how good she would feel ? SHE IS STUCK and that is depressing and as an older person in such a mess you just tend to give up.
It is wonderful that you and your sisters and brothers can work together in your Mothers interest and I admire you so much for reaching out for help. God Bless all of you & good luck to you !!

Answer 2

okay well my heart goes out to you, you porr thing all of this on to you, i suggest that you first try and get a doctor to go to your house to check on her i think once she gets the clear picture she might just see what she is doing, if you can not the only advice i can give is to get all the siblines and yourself to sit her down and have a chat let her know how it is affecting you and the family, dont take no for an answer and make her know what she is doing is only making her worst, hopefully by then she will get the point if she does then go for the scan and test try and get someone or maybe yourself to clean up the house and spark it up i would suggest that your mother is maybe in denial about his whole thing and doesnt want to face the truth

well good luck
i hope all goes well

Answer 3

Obviously strokes affect the brain & can have permanent damage. Just stating that for those reading this who arent educated as to what they really do. Check here... http://www.ohsuhealth.com/htaz/cardiac/stroke/effects_of_stroke.cfm
If she hasnt had testing & hasnt had therapy to readjust to life & retrain another part of her brain to compensate for the loss... you have to wonder why. What is her health coverage? financial situation? She doesnt have personal motivation to continue carrying on a happy life. You would have to have her legally deemed unable to make decisions for herself. This can be only for medical or also for financial in which case... you & siblings would have to decide who would take that primary role over. Her home can be a health hazard in & of itself which could help your push in the right direction. How do you know about her doctor & orders for testing? Have you thought about things from her point of view? Do you know what her preferences would be for her life? Thankfully even I have already done a living will which includes my wishes if i were unable to communicate them myself. I've designated who would carry out decisions should I become unable & they are beyond what is already stated. If you yourself have children I feel this is a must... learn from experience :) Durable Power of Attorneys are a families blessing. If she spends any amount of hospital time... use that out of house experience to have a professional team cleaning. She can have some sort of assisted living situation, home nursing if ordered where light cleaning, bill pay help & life assistance is possible in her home as an alternative. Ah the situations we face in life are challenging for sure. My thoughts are with you & your family. Thankfully you're reaching out & I hope this & others help can guide you in the right direction.

Answer 4

Well if you think she is capable of making these decisions and won't be found incompitent, then you can always try to get power of attorney which makes you the one who answers the questions on whether or not she sees what doctor and for what. I have medical power of attorney for my grandmother.

If you are unable to make that work, try to find out why she doesn't want the tests. Is she afraid of them? Does she think that she is not sick or in need of health care? Does she not have insurance and not able to afford it? Find out these answers and convincing her will be easier. Try not to force the issue, tell her you are worried and want her around a long time.

Answer 5

you cant force her she is not going to do anything you kids ask of her what you need to do is get all your brothers sisters together for family meeting then try to come up with some way to get her to pay attention to what shes doing you may have to get someoutside help with her maybe avisting nurse to come in and check on her also meals on wheels the hospital near you may have a social worker you can talk to just get together and go over all your options she sounds stuborn something has to change and its now up t you kids to make it happen

Answer 6

If she is over 65 you can have the courts to intervene and allow one of you guys to be appointed as a guardian. Talk to Social Services, they deal with the elderly also.

Answer 7

As hard as it is you can't make her do anything....she's an adult and it's her decision.

Be there for her when and if she needs you.

If you believe in prayer....that's what you do.

Answer 8

Leave her be. It's her life.