My 9 yr old won't get ready for school on her own.....?

Question

We set her alarm and set her clothes out the night before, so all she needs to do is shower, brush her teeth and hair and put deodorant on before getting dressed and heading out the door. I drive her to school as we live to close, but far enough away that i do not want her walking on her own. I can see helping her get out of bed and giving gentle reminders but lately it has turned into me having to follow her around like a nag reminding her to do every single thing she needs to do. It makes for stressful mornings for both of us, and I hate the thought of her school day starting off like that....any suggestions on how to make her more independent so as she does not have to go to school feeling crappy?

We are making a list for her to use everyday that has all of her expectations on it, so that she will have something to look at and know...I have to shower, get dressed, brush my teeth...so on and so on.

we set out her clothes and set her alarm, means my child and i do it together...not my fiance and I.

Answer 1

I watched an episode of "Supernanny" where they dealt with a similar situation, though the child was younger. They were advised to wake her up and give clear instructions about what she needed to do. They would return to the room regularly to find nothing accomplished and remind her of her tasks and the remaining time before they had to leave for school. It was explained to her that she could choose to get ready for school or she could choose to go to school in her pajamas.

In the end, she refused to get ready and the parents followed through. They packed her clothes in a bag and took her to school in her pajamas. She was embarrassed upon arriving at school, unwashed and in her pajamas, but she knew she was given every opportunity to get washed and dressed and made this choice on her own. The next day she got washed and dressed with no argument.

Your daughter may not like arriving at school in a similar state. If she has no problem with it, then that's a different problem. Make sure you talk with her about the importance of hygiene and compliment her when she smells yummy, has tidy/brushed hair, and when she has dressed on her own. If you take her to the store and have her pick out the soaps, toothpaste, hairbrush, etc. that she wants, she will be more likely to use them. It's the same with veggies... if you let your child pick out the produce themselves, they often can't wait to get home to eat it!

It's a great idea to make a list as you have done. Perhaps make a chart where she gets a sticker next to each accomplished task, and a reward at the end of the week for having a minimum amount of stickers. Or place a simple list on the fridge where she gets to put a checkmark herself next to each task... or maybe draw on the fridge with a dry erase marker and have her place a pretty magnet next to each accomplished task.

Answer 2

I have a nine year old daughter as well. What worked for us is that she could watch TV or do something she wanted in the morning (play a game, read, whatever) but only if she was ready for school and had time AND without being told over and over. This seems to work, and she is always racing around in the morning so she can watch TV for a few minutes before we head out the door.

Something else that might work is some sort of chart that shows her progress. A star when she does all her morning things on her own.....at the end of the week, she gets a dollar for each star. She is old enough to think of some sort of reward too...so get her involved.

Answer 3

I'm an old fashioned mom, I think you should make her do her own preps for morning, setting alarm, (you can check to make sure she did it correctly), laying out close, making her lunch if she takes one, packing her backpack and setting it by the front door. I had four children myself and my husband to get up,dressed and out the door I got each child up 15 min apart to use bathroom, ( I had 1 bathroom) lol. I started at 5:30A.M. Husband first lol. But I also made breakfast each morning so I needed to get up early. If she will not do for herself try getting her up a half hour earlier, if this means going to bed a half hour earlier so be it. Chances are she'll want that extra half hour at night and will comply to your wishes in the morning. If all else fails, (and this may sound cruel) send her to school looking as though she just got out of bed, you'll be surprised. Make her practice on the weekends,(or your day off) she'll hate this I promise and soon learn you need to work together as a team. Let her pick out her clothes (at home and while shopping) you cant expect her to be independent if you take care of what she may feel are important decisions in her life. Good Luck

Answer 4

well sounds to me your 9 year old is sitting up late in her room with out anyone noticing! And when it starts this way it ends this way this is going to be on going stuggle for the next 7 years! So what i suggest to you is more family time! shes still a child just because she's 9 and seems older she still needs activity! So try playing mind games with her after dinner you will notice she is really tired by the end or maybe doing some excersises with her! simple things jumping rope really try to wear her out! and you figure school probley starts at 8 so she should be fast asleep by at least 10pm! and thats even late for a 9 year old! so she might be alittle pleased but try a 9-930 bed time. maybe try the whole shower thing at night before bed so she can gain another 30 minutes of sleep in the morning. then all she will have to do is get dressed brush her hair and teeth and apply deodorant. you might be expecting too much from her that early in the morning so try to cut back alittle bit and then once she gets into middle school she might wanna shower early morning on her own. also reward her on the weekends if she gets up 4 out of 5 days on her own with no problems promise her a date at the movies or w/e she likes to do tell her she will get it she just has to earn it then when she starts doing it 5 out of 5 days a week save a big insentive for that one! maybe a weekend trip if its possible no where far but just show her things she's nver seen ro been. Young children feed off of things like this then pretty soon she will do it on her own with no help from you and then everyone will be ahppy. good luck!

Answer 5

I have a similar problem, my child is ADHD, so it's VERY hard to focus him. What I do is be consistent and remind him the night before he will need to get dressed, brush teeth, eat if he's hungry and pack his things. He showers the night before and that helps quite a bit. I realize this might be harder for a girl because you have to get hair ready and maybe a dress/tights, etc. Just keep it the same every day and realize we all have bad mornings. I also give rewards (TV/computer time) for good mornings. This does help somewhat. God bless you & your family.

Answer 6

Poor little guy. My daughter had the exact same thing in grade school--ugh, the meltdowns!--as did my nephew. It's so heartwrenching for you, but you're not the worst mom ever. Try to stay calm. I know that doesn't help, because it's easy to let yourself be pulled into the emotional turmoil of it. But try your best to be the positive, encouraging rock that he needs. It's just school anxiety, that's all. It's very real for him, and I think a lot of kids go through it. He will outgrow it. My daughter did! My nephew did, too. Clear through 5th grade that kid would get himself so upset, there were mornings when he'd actually throw up in the school parking lot. His parents just dealt with it matter-of-factly and sent him into the school anyway. What else could they do? And according to the teacher, he was actually one of the popular kids in his class! Go figure! So say a little prayer for yourself and for your son, stay upbeat, and, really, he will be okay.

Answer 7

If you make the list, and you put out the clothes, and you set the alarm, then you have taught your child that you will do those things. Bluntly put it is called spoiling a child.

I would ask her if she knows and understands how and what time to set her alarm for? If she doesn't get dressed the next day then take her to school in her PJ's. She will learn quickly to dress herself.

Answer 8

Hey! I think we have the same kid!!!
We do all that too. I end up dressing her on 2 out of 5 mornings.
We tried doing a lights out by 9:00 at night and that doesn't seem to make a difference either. The only thing that has worked, short term, is traveling to another time zone for a 2 week visit and returning home. Then for 3 months her internal clock was reset so that she got up on time.

Answer 9

After reading many of the answers given, let me tell you what happened to me, a single dad with a 9 yr old daughter. We have been fighting and fighting, until I just let her be late for school a number of times. It got to the point the principal called me and I explained that I have done everything in my power, and that any help she could give me would be appreciated. The principal sat my daughter down and talked to her and explained that she needed to take responsibility. This helped drastically. Having someone else step in and explain made a world of difference. It was someone other than Dad and it sank in. This plus some of the other ideas might be what you need to help.

Answer 10

Well my wife and i had for children.....and now are challenged with a 8 year old grandson...what worked then...still works now...punishment is seldom used...it a matter of incentives...sit down with your daughter...draw up a schedule of her expectancies....with rewards upon completion and allow her to be part of the reward system...all to be kept within reason of course....with our own children we had a set allowance for each of the kids as per age and available funds......lets say ....our four year old was given a two dollar weekly allowance...we would set out this amount on the window ledge in denominations of dimes or quarters depending on their duty list and each time that these chores or requirements needed attention we would examine the net results ..for each task required and performed they were paid...for each not completed a coin was removed...at the end of the week they themselves see the efforts that they have accomplished and they then reward themselves.....movie...comic book etc.etc....and the allowance is used as incentive...try to make the challenges relatively easy to win at first and become a little more expecting of their results as they get better at this reward system...good luck !!! hope this helps...let me know?