My boyfriend constantly talks about his ex, even though it's not nice does this mean he still cares about her?

Question

It's an everyday thing that my boyfriend talks really nasty about his ex-girlfriend. He talks about all the things she did to him and all the things she put him through. I have been really blunt in telling him that it is getting old to me to keep hearing the same things over again and that he acts as if he is the only one who has had a bad relationship. He and his ex have been broken up for over a year now and I really don’t care to hear about it anymore. He holds this grudge to the point where it’s almost an obsession. They do have a child together and are going through custody and child support battles in court right now. I keep thinking that while the court proceeding continue I will still have to hear about it, but then I think I went through something kind of similar to what he is going through with my son's father and I don't sit and talk about it every day. How can I get him to stop? I have been pretty blunt about my feelings. Do you think he still cares about her

Answer 1

From my personal experience Im going to say possibly... In a sense he will always care for her on some level... She is the mother of his Child! Maybe this is more a situation of him not being over the event rather then her! He definatley needs to stop if he wants to keep you in his life... It is not healthy for your self-esteem or relationship to hear about the ex on a daily basis! He wouldnt like it if you did the same thing to him! Im not one to tell you to give him an ultimatum but question his motives as to why he feels the need to talk about her everyday! i understand he may be going through a hard time... but it take two to fight and Im sure she wasnt the only one that ever did any wrong doing in the relationship. Maybe they didnt have a proper closure in his mind and he just cant be at ease with his current situation. Either way it isnt fair to you! I went through this myself and it ended up escalading into craziness! After awhile I couldnt take it anymore and just snapped about the situation. In my situation though he wasnt over his ex! I cannot say that this is the case for yours! I wish you the best of luck! Stand up for yourself you dont have to listen to that sh*t!

PS... Its hard to move forward into the future when you are still holding on to a part of your past... Never forget the past but you dont have to relive it everyday!

Answer 2

The only thing you can do it prove that he can trust you again, but that will be really hard. You cheated and need to own up to hurting his feelings and tell him why you did it. That really sucks that you let one physical moment ruin something good with your boyfriend. He probably needs some space and time, the more you push, the further you will push him away. Let him know how you feel and then leave it alone. If you're really serious about getting back with him, actions speak louder than words, so I wouldn't date anyone or talk give him any more reason not to trust you. Tell him that you don't expect him to forgive you now, but that you will prove to him that he can trust you again, you understand it will take time but he's worth it. You can't change your past but you can definitely improve and change your future. Good luck!

Answer 3

Let me start by saying that you both are like a mirror to each other as you both have a child from a previous relationship. It is like deja vu for you all over.

Since like you mention of having been in a similar situation like his. You have to ask your self some questions as to if that is the life you want to through all over again with him. since you having gone that road already with some one else in your life.

None of us are perfect and if he don't want to stop mentioning his ex and with the court cases pending it is an up hill battle for you two to have a normal relationship. You mention of being blunt in letting him know how you feel and if he persist like that you have to make the tough choices as it is your life and well being as a person and no one else can make those choices for you and your child.

After seeing how he behaves which is a Red Flag do you want to have a life with this person. Be thankful in some way as to seeing how he behaves and you decide from there. The choice is yours to make as to were you go from there.

Best of luck !

Answer 4

she is definitely on his mind. could be bc of hte custody battles and court stuff. but u need to talk to him about it. if u have expressed these feelings and he continues to talk about it then next time he starts cut him off and say that u would prefer to talk about something else. or just change the subject.

i had an ex that did this once....we didnt stay together for long...i was a replacement but wasnt enough like her to fulfill the need. his lose...ive found someone better and more mature in a relationship (maybe this is what u need to do)

Answer 5

Yes, I think that deep inside he still cares for the mother of his child somewhat. It's one thing to talk about your ex during a child custody case because emotions are close to the surface, and it is painful but sounds like he's obsessing on her to the point of consumption.

Answer 6

I dated someone like that before. I broke it off. Obviosly he cares or he wouldn't talk about her. But he is probably really hurt by what she did and he is having a lot of trouble getting over it. Suggest he talk to a therapist who may be able to help him move past this issue. If he cares about you, he will make an effort to do so. Don't let him tell you it's your role to be supportive either. Your role is to tell him, get over it or get out.

Answer 7

YEs he still does but he just hasn't grown up yet, all hr think is that the world revolves around him and nothing else matters but what happens to him. SO what to do, really nothing becasue as long as he doesn't grow up and be the man he should be by now,. ALl you can do is just when he starts talking about it say" I don't want to hear it". Maybe he will snap out of it when he starts to hear you don't care about his ex. You care about him. SO good luck

Answer 8

he's probably still burnt about all the things she put him through, i wouldnt worry maybe things will change after court is over. when he talks about her just try changing tha subject to something more positive. some people need to vent their anger more than others.

Answer 9

Well honestly I'm currently in sort of the same position. I've been with my boyfriend/ Fiance for about 3 1/2 years now and I'm currently pregnant by him and due next month.I was there for him and he was there for me when me and my ex broke up so we were there to comfort each other. But now He has been accusing me of alot of things that she did. But I'm the total opposite of her. He talked about her the same way and supposidly the little girl he was taking care of was suppose to be his daughter but come to find out she not but we did not find out by a blood test she came out and told him but to make a long story short.
This is how I told him you know we are together now and I love you with all my heart and I really need to talk to you about our relationship. I know that you were with her for about 2 years and she put you through alot but now were together and your constantly hurting my feelings and comparing me to her but baby I'm nothing like her. However we are together and you constantly talking about her is making me feel like you don't want to be with me, you want to be with her. I'm not trying to make you upset or argue. I know that you are currently going through alot and you want to come and talk to me everyday but honestly I'm here for you and no offense but How would you feel if everyday I came home and was talking to you about my ex. I don't mind you talking about your child but I don't want to discuss her everyday.

Answer 10

lol be there done that lol he's still in love with her, and i know for sure that he trying his best to be with her again, move on is the best thing for you here serious if you want to be happy that is, and in any way you two will broke up in i mean with in three months