my black friend keeps trying to get me to cheat on my boyfriend?

Question

I have been friends with this really "ghetto" black guy for over three years, more than twice as long as I've been with my boyfriend. He is a good friend and has always playfully joked about "riding them hips" and showing me "thug passion", He used to just call once in a while and I would hang out with him with other mutual friends, but now he calls every day, and all he talks about now is sex. My boyfriend wants to beat him up and I feel conflicted because he is an old friend but he won't listen when I tell him to stop. What should I do? he says stuff like, "girl, your man just ain't cutting it. what you need is a thug. you don't know it yet cause you've never had a thug go up inside you. i can sense how you're hurting and it hurts me, and i just want to help, etc." When my boyfriend confronts him about it he just calls him a racist and threatens him. The other day he came into the house without knocking and had a visible erection. It's getting really serious. What can I do?

Answer 1

Kind of obvious isnt it? Just break all contact with your "thug" friend. This is not going to end well if you dont.

Answer 2

HI , let me tell you , I have been where you are right now , and you need to break all ties to this person . By not telling him to stop or leave you alone is making him want you even more . He is thinking to himself : we'll she is not telling me to stop , and lets me see her when I want , so she must want me : I was in the same boat , and when this man would talk to me that way , I would just laugh it off , but I was dieing in side , and scared the whole time he was around me , I moved out of town , and this man kept trying to call me where ever I was , I moved again , it has been two years since I heard from him , but I will never forget when he told me , that he could not be around me because he was afraid he would hurt me . So , please , this man is no friend , and it is clear he has no respect for you nor your boy friend , tell him once and for all not to EVER call or talk or come by your house again cut all ties . If you have to call the cops then do so , and never be in a room with him ALONE AGAIN , And another thing , you do not want to lose your boyfriend over this ,so let him know how you feel about him , and I sence that you are also scared of this man , you should not have to live your life so scared , END THE SO CALLED FRIENDSHIP . Good Luck !!

Answer 3

hey, listen if he's making you feel uncomfortable and causing all sorts of commotion then yes, its becoming more serious than you think. You already have a boyfriend and no one should try to convince you to cheat. However if you're in love with this guy then its better to breakup than to do such an act behind their back, trust me, it saves alot of trouble and fighting later. From what he's saying to you, it sounds like he's just lusting and not really in love with you.

The best thing to do would be to give him a serious talk of how you only wanna be friends, and that what he's doing is really disrespectful. You might wanna have this talk with your boyfriend near you or other friends so your "thug" friend knows that your serious. He'll listen if he were a true friend. if it persists and his behavior gets worse, you might need to get a restraining order, but hopefully it'll stop before that.

best of luck to you

Answer 4

This won't be easy but you might have to end the friendship with you friend because he is obsessed with you and maybe he does not know what he wants, He is a player at that, you don't need your friend trying to get at you, and your boyfriend has come pretty close to knocking him out, which in any case fighting is not the answer. I think it is time you put your foot down and told your friend that you don't want to be friends with him and why, don't feel guilty about doing it, and let him know your commitment to your boyfriend and that nothing is going to change that, I am sure that you don't want your boyfriend in jail. Tell you friend you don't appreciate him coming to your house without knocking. Maybe if you handle your way and compromise both sides there will be know need for fight, I am sure you boyfriend means well but fighting will only make it worse. Tell your boyfriend that you want to talk to your friend and end it, so that way your boyfriend will back down and let you do it the civilized way. Your friend might be hurt in the end but you can't have him and your boyfriend too and I think you know that.

Answer 5

OK, this is not hard...he is not your friend!!! If he was he would respect the fact that first of all you don't want to hear his dumb B.S. - (he probably can't "ride them hips" right anyway.) Second he knows you have a man so if he is showing no respect for your relationship then tell him to leave you the hell alone. If he doesn't then either let your man beat his a*& for the disrespect, or get a restraining order. Ilk, how does he walk in with a hard on, that is so not attractive in this situation. He is a retard, get rid of him before he really gets out of line. Girl if I were you I would have beat his a*& already my damn self. If he was so fly he should have a chick or 2 already and not need to bother you.

Answer 6

I think you must tell your old, black friend that you are interested in only his friendship and that sex would spoil the friendship. Also, you must tell him that since you have a serious boyfriend, having sex with him, would be a betrayal of that relationship.

In other words, you have to give your friend the red light and you must get the message across in a serious, honest, straightforward manner so that he cannot miss the point and/or misinterpret your answer.

I forgot to say the above is only relevant if you want to keep your boyfriend, and do not want this friend to become your boyfriend. If you have ambivalent feelings about this issue, then your friend will sense this and continue on his mission.

Answer 7

Don't you have locks in your doors? How can he come into the house without knocking? And how about not picking up the phone when he calls? I think you are allowing him to play this game because you secretly want to experiment with him. You should be clear about what you want and set the boundaries if you do not want him to bother you anymore. lock your doors. Do not answer his calls and he will stop. You call him a friend and by the same token you call him ghetto. I think you like the ghetto side of him otherwise he would not still be you friend. make up your mind about what you want and set the boundaries if you do not want to get involve with him sexually.

Answer 8

I know you have been friends with this jerk for awhile now but you need to end your friendship with him. He doesn't consider you a friend, if he did he would not do and say the things he does. As for him calling your boyfriend racist and what not that is just unbelievable. I mean if your boyfriend were black what would your friend say then? He wouldn't be able to call him racist. Anyway, end your friendship now and if he continues to harrass you report him to the police.

Answer 9

This guy is not a friend. You need to start saying"NO" loud and with force. You are too coy and giving this guy mixed signals. You are being sexually harassed and the only guy standing up for you is your boyfriend and you are not supporting him. You know your man is protecting you from Sexually Harassment but you are letting him be labelled a racist.

I understand that this guy use to be a friend and you are loyal but his behaviour has change and therefore the relationship has changed. He has groomed you for sexually assault with the jokes and the phone calls which were gradual. It happened to me also. Cut this guy, don't feel bad and thank your boyfriend.

Answer 10

You are obviously feeding the fires here by allowing him to continue on like this. Perhaps some part of you likes the attention from him and is reluctant to tell him off, or you like the idea of two men fighting over you. It is well within your power to nip his behavior in the bud, so why don't you do it? Your boyfriend would certainly appreciate it, but you knew that already. Some part of you is obviously encouraging/enabling this guys behavior, meanwhile you are playing dumb the whole time. Maybe they will get in a fistfight and you will catch a smack to the face like you deserve.

Answer 11

He wants a piece of a@@ from you if you are not going to give him sex then you should tell him because he is not a friend he wants something different so its time for you to end the friendship. Now if you think you might consider trying him then keep him around but if you really don't want to then its time to cut the dude lose.