What do you do when you find your relationship deteriorating after courting for 6.5 years?

Question

I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly 6 1/2 years now. We have had our ups and downs in our years of courtship. We even promised ourselves that we would marry each other when we were settled. However, the point of worry is that we hardly spent quality time with each other although you would expect us to do that. Most of the time we would be surrounded with friends and family. The outcome is that we realise now that we hardly know each other. I find my girlfriend in tears very often when we meet. At the same time she swears that she is so attached to me that she cannot imagine marrying anyone else. I do not know whether we have grown so attached to each other that we are unable to open our eyes to the realities of the world. I have been faithful to my girl all these years; our problem is that if we do decide to break up; we would lose the comfort of each others shoulders in our pain. Whether we would meet people we would be able to strike a cord with in the future is anotherquesti

Answer 1

6 and a half years is too long, without getting married. You should have acted by now, and of course things are going to deterioriate since you've just sat there like a bump on a log.

And if you've had any sort of sex (not buying the cow because you're getting the milk for free) during those years, that's really your primary, underlying problem.

I see a lot of people today (many right here on this board) wasting many years of their lives and taking up each other's time. This is very serious, and on the level of being pretty sick, actually.

Spot (directly below) expresses her liberal opinion, but it's only because she disagrees with this and doesn't have a clue. Don't listen to her about "moving in." Liberals are often the cause of suffering and tragedy in people's lives, and the last thing you need is more advice from one.

Answer 2

Please see my response to the previous question: "Is there really such a thing as true love between and man and a woman?". Basically its good pointers to know to relate to others in every type of relationship. You should spend quality time & truly get to know eachother. If you feel another opinion or guidance would be more beneficial suggest couples counseling as a precursor to you both exchanging vows. You dont marry to divorce... or out of the comfort of convenience & habit. Which you seem to realize. Your fiance' fears could be inadequacy & the lack of sealing the commitment over this long a timeframe! What have you both decided is "settled"? What is soooo important for you to achieve solo that as a team you cannot imagine being able to accomplish?! Sounds as though someone made a statement & the other had to go along with that to stay in the relationship. When you say things you need to have meaning behind it. She is upset that your foundation is not solid & is looking to you to take the reins & lead. I wish you both happiness whether together or apart.

Answer 3

You guys are sounding like a married couple. Really. 6.5 years is too long. The initial courting period will end in less than a year. What you are going through is what a married couple is going through. Keep in mind that you know each other too well by now and marrying her isn't going to bring too many new things to the relationship. You should move in together first and see how things go.

Answer 4

If you have been together that long without the commitment of marriage, then that might be your problem. If you know you can't live without the girl and if she feels the same way, why are you not already married. I don't understand this shackin' up crap. People wonder why their relationship isn't working and act all surprised about it. Its commitment. Either you have it or you don't. If you don't, don't expect your relationship to last.

Answer 5

First off you should be engaged. I don't know why you've waited so long!! Really sit down and have a chat. talk about anything and everything, learn things about eachother and talk about what you guys want to do. If you're so attached to eachother then stay. How's your intimate life? is it there? If it's not you have a problem.

Answer 6

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