I lost my son about a year ago and I still can't deal with it can anybody help me.?

Answer 1

I lost a son about 5 years ago . . . I am so sorry for you . . . I know how devastated you must be.

It takes years to grieve and everyone grieves differently - there is no time limit on grief. I found the first 2 years to be the hardest. Don't get me wrong, the void will always be there . . . you just come to accept it, because you don't have a choice.

I dealt with it by reading, reading and more reading. Anything spiritual I could get my hands on. Beliefs I thought I had just didn't ring true with me anymore . . .. turns out I believed certain things because I was taught to not because I actually really believed them when it came right down to it. I wanted answers . . . I was seeking the truth and in the end I found myself. My son's death was the beginning of my spiritual journey. When he first died the universe brought me to my knees in agony, pain, despair, hopelessness, helplessness. . . . now when I am brought to my knees it's in gratitude, awe, humbleness. Here's what it came down to for me: his death happened to me (& others) something important. . . and there was no way I was going to let my son die in vain without learning what that something was. I now believe without a doubt in my mind that our souls never die. He's just somewhere else right now.

If you want to get rid of your pain, you have to change what you believe. . . . as I said the void will always be here, but when I'm "there" he'll be "there" too. And ya know what? I KNOW that someday I will see him, hold him and love him again . . . and THAT is what keeps me going.

Answer 2

A year is pretty recent, so don't think it's unusual for you to still be grieving. There's a novel called "Good Grief" about a woman going through the death of her husband, you may be able to identify with some of the feelings expressed in that book. Take as much time as you need to continue grieving. Try getting involved with people. When you're going through a loss, you might be more inclined to stay by yourself, but that will only make you more lonely. Try seeing if you can volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other organization that helps people. Don't listen to people who say it's time for you to "move on". Only you know when you can move on, and even when you do, it still won't ever be the same again. You'll always have memories of your son, but one day you'll be able to remember him with a smile instead of feeling awful. It just takes time.

Answer 3

You have my condolences. But please surround yourself with positive people and friends. Go to counseling and don't ever think that you are not worthy. You did a great job just by admitting that you can't handle it. You have made a first step that is crucial in the healing process. You will make it. Cry and cry again if you have to but don't give up and remember others have gone through this and survived so can you it may be hard right now but you can do it, find you a friend to confide in and cry with and keep on going!

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss. My aunt went thru this when she lost her son in a hunting accident, and she found a support group called Compassionate Friends. They seemed to help her more than anyone or anything else. I hope and pray that some day your heart will heal.

Answer 5

I know from experience there is nothing anyone can say to change YOUR feelings. However, its helpful to take the things that remind you of your son put them in a box and everyday take them out and look through them and cry. It may sound silly but it works.... Dont forget, there is medication available IF you also have underlying symptoms that wont go away no matter what.

Answer 6

Does your doctor have you on any medications to help you get through it? Check and see if there are any support groups for parents who have lost their children, it may help to sit in a room filled with people who know your pain. Try getting yourself into other activities and if you have other children... you have to realize that life on this planet does go on and we must live it until our time comes that we are called to reunite with our loved ones in a better place.

Answer 7

None of us can know what you are suffering and I can only say sorry,If it helps Jesus before he died suggested a future Paradise in his last conversation ,and he suggested a Resurrection to that end.Before that in another discussion he taught people to pray for that goal of life on a Paradise on earth open to all.If you can build on that hope you may find relief and real hope for your son.

Answer 8

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you. I would suggest a grief counselor or even joining (or starting!) a support group for those who are dealing with issues of grief. Big hugs to you. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it better for you :o(

Answer 9

Only time will heal. I will pray for you

Answer 10

I am so sorry to hear about that,May God help u from recovering from that loss,I think it's time for u to move on

To what extent is external reality conditioned by our perception of it? We often view events and respond to them in as much as they affect us; quite often not as they actually are.

So many of us tend to go to pieces in search of peace, trying to exorcise ghosts we fear and which paralyse our thinking. Steeped in our woundedness, life becomes an exercise in self-protection. We do not want to get hurt.

The ancients tell the story of a distressed person who came to the holy one for help. "Do you really want a cure?"the holy one asked.

"If I did not, would I bother to come to you?""Oh yes", the master said: "Most people do". And the disciple said incredulously: "But what for, then?"And the holy one answered, "Well, not for a cure. That's painful. They come for relief".

We often think we have got rid of the disease when the symptoms cease to manifest themselves. But this is often not the case.

So peace becomes the absence of war and hangs perilously by a slender thread of anxiety that keeps us on tenterhooks, always on the lookout for a miscreant who is ready to spark off a chain of violent responses and destroy what we thought was a negotiated settlement, because the wound hasn't really healed.

We think we have got rid of our anger because we have learned to 'function effectively 'while we unknowingly let the anger spread and destroy us from within.

Functional relationships often mask a bitterness that unexpectedly blows up in our faces like an accident that has been waiting to happen.

Our hurt is a defence mechanism of the ego >>

As long as we are preoccupied with our hurt, we hinder the process of healing. It does not occur to us that our hurt is a defence mechanism of the ego asking for protection because its existence is threatened.

The Kingdom of Peace which Jesus promises invites us to make a paradigm shift from merely seeking relief to wanting to be cured.

When Jesus said that the Kingdom was within He referred to those who had already made this shift.

Sinners and tax collectors would gain entrance into the Kingdom before the self-righteous. "Blind? If you were, you would not be guilty. But since you say 'we see', your guilt remains".

Herod seeks relief from the pain of his insecurity, and only succeeds in unleashing a reign of terror and violence.

Suffering that is not transformed, is suffering transmitted. On the other hand, shepherds and wise men free from inner pain and anxiety of ego experience the peace that healing brings.

It is the Kingdom of God within them that allows them to recognise the Kingdom among us. For the Kingdom to be among us, the first requisite is that it be within us.

It is not characterised by uniformity but rather by the experience of a union with the Ground of our Being that holds all things together in unity.

Communion precedes community. Mary, Joseph, the shepherds and wise men are a community of worshippers because they are first in communion with God.

In the birth of Jesus they experienced complete egolessness, the total emptying of self by one who did not think that equality with God was something to be clung to.

The sound of complete emptiness found an echo in their own hearts empty of desire, free from pain. In this they become the 'sacrament of community', which experiences the Kingdom of God 'among'us in as much as the Kingdom of God is'within'us.