I got introduced by some over-zealous mother-aged and grandmother-aged well-meaning people in the Church to a guy who is apparently looking for someone to marry. I don't fancy him, but he seems to like me (nothing I've done to put him off yet). I don't want to hurt him or lead him on. What are the best advices you can give?
2007-01-03 00:49:06 · 19 answers · asked by Lilliana 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That sounds rather full-on. If you aren't interested then as you say you don't want to lead him on. Not hurting him in my opinion would just be by being honest, from the start.
If it is appropriate you could simply say "you are really nice guy but I'm not interested in anything other than friendship". Or something else equally as clear.
2007-01-03 01:55:38 · answer #1 · answered by girly girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honest answer from a guy who actually been rejected!!!
1) Stop trying to "spare" guys feelings. Tell him you are not interested in a nice way. If he is persistant be direct!!!
2) DO NOT TRY TO WORK OUT HIS LOVE LIFE. YOU WILL ONLY DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY AND LOWER HIS SELF ESTEEM.
3) If you follow 1 and 2, don't worry about leading him on.
4) If he still clearly persists, you may have to turn on the cold treatment. This is where you give up and cease contact and in extreme cases get the restraining order. Most guys eventually get the hint or at least tone things down knowing their direct chances are small. (At that point you are not leading him on.)
Key polite rejection phrases
1) Hey, I like you only as a friend
2) I don't mind doing XXX with you as long as you understand its not a date.
If guy really dumb:
1) Sure I'll go but I need to invite all kinds of other people to.
2) I'm busy!!!
Remember:
1) He is asking you which mearly means you have choice to make. For all you know, he may indeed like some others too.
2) There is nothing to feel sorry for, you are just not the one for the guy.
3) You have no idea who is the right person for the guy and nobody except him is gonna find that out.
4) As long as you are honest with somebody you are not leading them on. Guys don't deal well with indirection. Compared to women we are kind of stupid. Some guys are worse than others.
5) If he still thinks you are leading him on, he is control freak and not somebody you want to introduce to anybody.
2007-01-03 08:57:23 · answer #2 · answered by rostov 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the best judge. For a person to get married the following things has to be watched. 1. his character. 2. his behaviour. 3.His culture. 4. his tastes 5. his religion. 6. his food habits 7. his understanding towards you. 8. His qualifications satisfying you.
After all this is over both of you have to take a declaration that you will stay married together after facing both known and unknown hurdles in life . If this is fulfilled then go ahead and get engaged and get married. All the best.
2007-01-03 08:54:31 · answer #3 · answered by ssmindia 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be honest, tell him that you dont like him in that way. Even though you are not doing anything to give him the idea that you are interested no one really knows what is going on inside some one elses head. Best way to nip in the bud is to be honest and tell him the truth. It may hurt him but rather now then later and may turn into some stalker.
Good luck
2007-01-03 08:55:51 · answer #4 · answered by rosebud1320 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be forward & let the mother hens know you are not seeking marriage at this point in your life. They may have just felt that you are single & he is single... you also share the same faith... if you dont click fine. Maybe you may know someone who maybe a better fit? There is nothing wrong with broadening your social circle. If the situation presents itself where he tries to ask you out or asks questions of you which make you uncomfortable. Make it clear that you dont & would not think of him in a romantic way.
2007-01-03 09:00:03 · answer #5 · answered by Kim 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say that your not looking to be in a relationship with anyone yet,I would just wait for the right person with Gods help you will know because it will be your prayer answered. There should be no dought or regrets in a marriage.I struggle with that even now and it holds me back from being the husband that I should be.So I'll keep you in prayer as you will keep me in prayer.
2007-01-03 22:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by Smiley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i was in your situation, i would get to know this guy a little better. If you liked him after this then go for it, but if you didnt you should just tell him straight(but not in a mean way!). Usually if i guy really loves you then he will do anything for you. In this case if you told him how to felt, he should agree to leave you lone or just be friends! Hope this helps!
2007-01-03 08:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by Sam 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be upfront about it and say listen, "you're a great guy but it's not a good match, i hope you understand". He'll be a bit hurt by the rejection but happy that you were honest with him. And the longer you let it go the more he'll be hurt because he'll be that much more attached to you. Think about how you'd like to be treated in this situation. Good luck!
2007-01-03 08:53:57 · answer #8 · answered by blhenne 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you're not into this guy, then don't really respond to him outside of Church. Say hi back to him whenever he greets you, but that's about it. Anything else too much more than that is possibly leading him on.
2007-01-03 09:16:54 · answer #9 · answered by Justcool 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah just tell him straight up. When you realize you have nothing in common, you'll both be laughing off the elders comments on how cute you look together.
2007-01-03 08:55:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋